Innocence

Very different from anything I have ever written Free Verse

    Innocence....

     Innocence flew by,

     like an old crow

     looking for a place to die,

     with a world to discover ...

     few moments to listen.

     She sought what she felt;

     yet, never found it;

     time rose up 

     like an angry whale ...

     her heart tore.

     In spite, she waited

     for a moment of reprieve,

     tossing her wishes away,

     as the whale

     swallowed each.

     Wanting more of her innocence, 

     the whale waited.

     Waters opened 'n flowed;

     still, the whale waited ...

     Time disappeared; 

     as did she ...

     with her innocence.

              ~~~

Author's Note

If you happen to pass by and read my poem I would appreciate a review. I always review whatever I read.
Thank you,
Lisa

Reviews

[Vol]

Lisa,
I've long wondered what the loss of innocence actually means. I remember back in 1967, 8, and 9, I lived in Pensacola, Florida with a coterie of brilliant, beautiful friends discovering weed, and acid, and reveling in this new paradigm of sex, drugs, and Rock-n-Roll. Claudia introduced two new innocents into our tight group, and they were gorgeous, laughed easily, and danced like crazy! They were both engaged, but never brought their guys around. Both got married in the same church at the same time, and disappeared. A year later, I had moved to Wisconsin and did the same.
When I returned to Pensacola, I wanted to show off my new friends to my former classmates and went to find Claudia. Her mom gave me her new address, an old Painted Lady divided into apartments where she shared rooms with those two girls. They were divorced, and broken" their faces were hard, and their eyes flat. Innocence lost. I wrote about it:

IN THE GARDEN

In the garden of rock and roll girls
I knew back then were the eyes of
innocent laughter ripe for the gathering.

The taste of living was honey
on their lips and thighs
when they smiled at us
to the sound of guitar
poetry painting fantasies in
the blue nights and yellow days
spent guileless in the garden of
rock and roll girls I knew back then.

They danced with us in the
smoke of our wildest dreams
breathless, bouncing hair
and the drum of burning blood,
a fire in the garden until midnight
when the harvester comes wearing
a jeweled grin to share with them.

He lives today around their
white necks and naked wrists
slit by the fangs of innocence.

As you can see, I have long been troubled by this "rite of passage." And a few minutes ago, I clicked on your picture again, but it wasn't the same one as accompanies this poem. In that one you are giving a great guffaw, and full of joy. The one here speaks better to the theme.
Hmmm. I wonder if commenting like this is what we are supposed to do, rather than an analysis or critique, "Why did you use that word? or What did you mean by that image?". But somehow It is a little richer, I think, to speak directly to the poet and the poet's thoughts and feelings, Something I can't do with D. H. Lawrence, or Charles Bukowski or any of those other dead ones. So, unless you tell me otherwise, I'll carry on. But with messages rather than here, because I'd love to delve into some of the images and thoughts in this poem.
I hope your shoulder is healing, and i understand the pain, and the limitations it puts on how much you can write,

[Lisasview]

getting late here now so I will respond tomorrow..just want you to know that I got your review..the time difference is a drag.
Lisa, still in stupid pain..no drugs now just red wine

[Vol]

OW! Lisa!
I can relate... It is awful, and even the deep knowledge that this will pass does nothing to help, even climbing into a warm comfortable bed hurts! Been there, done that!
Vol

[V.R.S.C.]

Both a powerful poem and top review. I have nothing to add. Thank you both Lisa and Vol for sharing!

[Lisasview]

Thank you so so much!
Lisa

[Brad Dehler]

Brutal large irresistible irrefutable force. The whale. Waaaaoww, It is visceral, the loss of personal power being swept away. Feeling as if out of our element. Perhaps that old crow will feast on the beached whale. But it wont be able to extract the innocence back...

[Lisasview]

Hi Brad,
Your amazing insight into my little poem gave me chills... Thank you so so much.
read moreHi Brad,
Your amazing insight into my little poem gave me chills... Thank you so so much.
Lisa

[Brad Dehler]

Awesome! I am flattered by your compliment, by such an accomplished writer as yourself. You made my day :)

[Lisasview]

Wow..Accomplished… you say?
Until this past January I never posted anything I wrote and I although I had been writing for many years I never showed it to anyone.
I have never had any schooling in poetry or Sonnets.
So this is all new to me.
I am delighted that you feel my poetry and compliments are in someway special.
I love to write…
Lisa

[Brad Dehler]

your passion and skills shine through!

[Lisasview]

Another kind thing to say and for me to wake up to this morning...
Thank you again

[Brad Dehler]

Absolutely. Good morning and we are grateful to have you another day

[Brad Dehler]

Thank you for the invite. I really appreciate the metaphor of the whale. Naturally it ends up dominating over all in mind and spirit!

[Lisasview]

Oh gosh I am so sorry as I did not realize that you had already read Innocence.. did you see the long review I got?

[Lisasview]

I forgot to give you the name of the reviewer… E.P. Robles
Lisa

[Brad Dehler]

EP Robles. Thank you!

[Lisasview]

He alays leaves me vivid descriptions in his reviews of my work...

[Scott Kris]

Great read hear. I love the whale metaphors. I was thinking how similar the vanity of Moby Dick and vengeance is to keeping our innocence.
Growth is not always comfortable. It’s not always in a good direction. Yet many things in life are indeed inevitable… far more than most people want to admit.

Thank you for sharing.

Scott

[Lisasview]

Nice to see you Scott and thank you so much for your review. This poem is very very different than anything I have ever written. I woke up one morning and it just poured out of me... so weird..
Lisa, still in Spain

[willweb]

I find it so cool that the whale, at least in my mind, represents the time passing, swallowing her wishes as fast as she could wish them. Time does feel like that, weaving its way through our lives, taking a little of us each time it passes. Nicely done Lisa.

[Lisasview]

Oh I am so glad you understood the meaning of my poem. Thank you so much for the outstanding review!!
Lisa, still in Spain

[Betty Hermelee]

I love the metaphor with the whale, weaving through this poem, which is so splendidly written... loss of innocence can be very emotional as you must face many paths some of which can be troublesome... I always think of whales as peaceful, playful beasts, but they too can have anger emotions...the whale was somewhat patient...I like the line "time disappeared, as did she with her innocence"
Best, B
P.S. How silly of me, you're on my first friend page!!!

[Lisasview]

Thank you so so much for your wonderful and intuitive review.
This poem just poured out of me... So different from anything I have ever written. Everything in it came naturally.. this is one of my most favourite. I too love the metaphors... but again... it just all came out of me..with no thought at all...
Thank you again, I so appreciate it.
I have been away from the site for awhile... Just crazy busy..hope to write more soon....
Lisa, still in Spain

[Betty Hermelee]

You're very welcome Lisa, yes please write some more; you're so talented.... Best, B in Black Mountain!

[Lisasview]

Hi Betty,
Wow, what a nice thing to say.
I do plan on writing more.. hopefully this week..
Have you read everything I have written?
I ask because several others have read everything I have written so far and I am blown away by that…
Lisa

[Maxwell Ryder]

I’ve never cared for the simile of a whale, a very gentle creature, being angry. The Bible and Jonah, along with Melville ruined these great animals’ image.

[Lisasview]

Hi Maxwell,
Yes, whales are gentle..however this poem of mine is full of metaphors. Everyone has their own take when reading and I appreciate your thoughts.
Lisa, now in Spain

[Ken e Bujold]

This is a splendid poem Lisa. I love the opening verse, the image of an old crow looking for a place to die is very stirring. The metaphor of the whale moving through the poem is strong and captivating. For someone who says English was not her first language, you have a remarkable grasp on how to use it.
SPLENDIDO my friend

Ken e

[Lisasview]

You are so kind to have read and reviewed my poem...I have no idea where this came from but I wrote it early one morning and posted it. I felt this push to write it...
Thank you again,
Lisa

[Peyton James]

What an honest and powerful offering. I teared up, maybe because I recognize every emotion you have painted beautifully. I have had a lot of trauma in my past, so the idea of having innocence stripped away and learning to live with that is very real. You use beautiful and simple language and images to bring these feelings to life for the reader. Thank you for sharing.

[Lisasview]

Good morning Peyton,
Thank you so much for reading and reviewing my poem.
I am so glad to know that my poem evoked emotion within you. Knowing that my poetry has that power is so very wonderful!!
Lisa, now in Spain

[Annette Pisano-Higley]

“Innocence flew by,
like an old crow
looking for a place to die,”
This is such a poignant, dramatic and powerful poem and artwork Lisa. It grabs your heart starting from the eyes of the little waif, through the last word of the verses…and beyond. Innocence, once taken by crime or time, cannot be restored. Time robs wishes, innocence in life. As well, So many innocent children lost, abused, stolen, addicted, murdered- the tide is red with their blood. The metaphor and image of the whale is ominous, looming and perfect. Well-penned , great imagery and deeply moving poetic expression of grief for things, people lost.

[Lisasview]

Hi Annette,
You definitely got my poem in a nut shell!!!
Because it is filled with metaphors I think it is difficult for many to understand.
I have never, ever written anything like this... It just came to me and i posted it as i wrote it down.
I was quite surprised to see what I had written..
Thank you so much dear Annette for reading and taking the time to give me such a fabulous review!!
Lisa, now on holiday in Tarragona, Spain