Innocence

Very different from anything I have ever written Free Verse

    Innocence....

     Innocence flew by,

     like an old crow

     looking for a place to die,

     with a world to discover ...

     few moments to listen.

     She sought what she felt;

     yet, never found it;

     time rose up 

     like an angry whale ...

     her heart tore.

     In spite, she waited

     for a moment of reprieve,

     tossing her wishes away,

     as the whale

     swallowed each.

     Wanting more of her innocence, 

     the whale waited.

     Waters opened 'n flowed;

     still, the whale waited ...

     Time disappeared; 

     as did she ...

     with her innocence.

              ~~~

Author's Note

If you happen to pass by and read my poem I would appreciate a review. I always review whatever I read.
Thank you,
Lisa

Reviews

[Vol]

Lisa,
I've long wondered what the loss of innocence actually means. I remember back in 1967, 8, and 9, I lived in Pensacola, Florida with a coterie of brilliant, beautiful friends discovering weed, and acid, and reveling in this new paradigm of sex, drugs, and Rock-n-Roll. Claudia introduced two new innocents into our tight group, and they were gorgeous, laughed easily, and danced like crazy! They were both engaged, but never brought their guys around. Both got married in the same church at the same time, and disappeared. A year later, I had moved to Wisconsin and did the same.
When I returned to Pensacola, I wanted to show off my new friends to my former classmates and went to find Claudia. Her mom gave me her new address, an old Painted Lady divided into apartments where she shared rooms with those two girls. They were divorced, and broken" their faces were hard, and their eyes flat. Innocence lost. I wrote about it:

IN THE GARDEN

In the garden of rock and roll girls
I knew back then were the eyes of
innocent laughter ripe for the gathering.

The taste of living was honey
on their lips and thighs
when they smiled at us
to the sound of guitar
poetry painting fantasies in
the blue nights and yellow days
spent guileless in the garden of
rock and roll girls I knew back then.

They danced with us in the
smoke of our wildest dreams
breathless, bouncing hair
and the drum of burning blood,
a fire in the garden until midnight
when the harvester comes wearing
a jeweled grin to share with them.

He lives today around their
white necks and naked wrists
slit by the fangs of innocence.

As you can see, I have long been troubled by this "rite of passage." And a few minutes ago, I clicked on your picture again, but it wasn't the same one as accompanies this poem. In that one you are giving a great guffaw, and full of joy. The one here speaks better to the theme.
Hmmm. I wonder if commenting like this is what we are supposed to do, rather than an analysis or critique, "Why did you use that word? or What did you mean by that image?". But somehow It is a little richer, I think, to speak directly to the poet and the poet's thoughts and feelings, Something I can't do with D. H. Lawrence, or Charles Bukowski or any of those other dead ones. So, unless you tell me otherwise, I'll carry on. But with messages rather than here, because I'd love to delve into some of the images and thoughts in this poem.
I hope your shoulder is healing, and i understand the pain, and the limitations it puts on how much you can write,

[Lisasview]

getting late here now so I will respond tomorrow..just want you to know that I got your review..the time difference is a drag.
Lisa, still in stupid pain..no drugs now just red wine

[Vol]

OW! Lisa!
I can relate... It is awful, and even the deep knowledge that this will pass does nothing to help, even climbing into a warm comfortable bed hurts! Been there, done that!
Vol

[V.R.S.C.]

Both a powerful poem and top review. I have nothing to add. Thank you both Lisa and Vol for sharing!

[Lisasview]

Thank you so so much!
Lisa

[E.P. Robles]

Your prose captures a sense of loss and longing for innocence, using powerful metaphors and vivid imagery.

The opening line, "Innocence flew by, like an old crow looking for a place to die," immediately establishes a somber tone and introduces the central theme of innocence being elusive and fleeting.

If I might say, this comparison to an old crow emphasizes the passage of time and the search for a final resting place.

Then you expresses a protagonist's yearning for something intangible, something she seeks but never finds.

This unfulfilled longing is symbolized by the line, "She sought what she felt; yet, never found it." The repetition of the word "waited" suggests a sense of patience mixed with frustration, as she hopes for a moment of respite or release from her troubles.

The image of the angry whale rising up evokes a powerful force that disrupts and destroys.

The line, "time rose up like an angry whale... her heart tore," portrays the destructive nature of time and how it can cause emotional pain and distress.

The whale becomes a recurring symbol throughout the poem, representing both the protagonist's desires and the consuming nature of life.

The whale waits for more of her innocence, echoing the protagonist's longing for a return to a state of purity and naivety.

The idea of the whale waiting in the flowing waters suggests a patient and relentless pursuit, paralleling the passage of time and the inevitable loss of innocence. [The idea of the whale waiting in the flowing waters suggests a patient and relentless pursuit, paralleling the passage of time and the inevitable loss of innocence.]

The final lines, "Time disappeared; as did she ... with her innocence," convey a sense of finality and resignation.

This line hit home with me as a reader of your poetry. There is nothing like this explored yet in poetry aside from silly abstract and teasing methahpores.

Time ultimately takes everything away, yes? Including the protagonist's innocence, and theb she disappears along with it. This conclusion leaves the reader with a poignant reflection on the transience of innocence and the inevitability of its loss.

Overall, this poem portrays a poignant exploration of the human experience, using vivid imagery and metaphorical language to convey the universal themes of innocence, time, and loss. It captures the fleeting nature of innocence and the emotional weight that comes with its disappearance.

[Lisasview]

Hello again,
Your fabulous review is far more than I could have ever hoped for. Thank you so much.
This poem exploded from me and except for changing the he to she I really made no changes.
I do not know what prompted the write, but all of a sudden it was there. This often happens to me...for example: PEARLS... which took me by surprise ... had no idea where it was going...Oh yes, and AWAKEN...
Not many who have read Innocence understands the true meaning. You definitely do!!
After I wrote it I read it to myself many times and each time realised more about what I was saying...if that makes sense...
I am stunned by what you say here...
This line hit home with me as a reader of your poetry. There is nothing like this explored yet in poetry aside from silly abstract and teasing methahpores.
How is that possible?
My father often said that I reminded him of this father who was a philosopher... of course I was a child and had no idea what that meant...
Who know...maybe that is where I get this from..
I have absolutely no schooling in writing poetry and I have never read Shakespeare or any other well known poets... Sad but true...
All I know is that I love to write and in the past year have learned so much just by being on this site.
From reading your reviews I discern that perhaps you are a professor... just curious...
Thank you again,
Lisa

[Lisasview]

Hi there,
I have been away from writing for quite some time now and today decided to go back to my poems and reviews... perhaps with the thought that i might be inspired to take pen to paper. I just reread your amazing review of my poem Innocence. Although when I wrote it I had no preconceived idea where i was going with itand it all just flowed out from me with no corrections to it..ever. Your thoughts regarding the meaning behind my words are spot on ... now as I read my poem...
Thank you again for your excellent review. I only wish everyone that reads my poem takes the time to read your review as it explains everything in my poem so clearly,
Lisa, still in Spain

[E.P. Robles]

You are so welcome and welcome back! :)

[Lisasview]

Good to reconnect!
Lisa, still in Spain

[E.P. Robles]

wish I could visit Spain. My ancestors are from Spain. My last name is Robles.

[Lisasview]

Hey, why not???

[E.P. Robles]

I have no where to stay. I could rent. I would focus on flamenco and art/painting. Picasso.

[Lisasview]

Focusing on art is exactly what to do when in Spain!
Of course Flamenco shows and Tapas are great in certain areas.

[E.P. Robles]

Makes me want to visit soon!

[Lisasview]

Would make for a great adventure!

[Perdition]

Very, very different! This is absolutely beautiful. This is a walk, better yet it puts me back on a ferry I was on once, heading back through the inner passageway and watching whales along side, but then contrasted with the picture and the pain and time and those haunting, little girl eyes, I can hear your words and taste the salt water as the ferry took me three days back to British Columbia. Such lovely pain Lisa, such lovely, lovely pain~

[Lisasview]

Yes, I agree this is very, very different ...and, it just poured out of me.
Interesting how the affect on readers definitely are quite varied.
I love knowing about the whales and your ferry ride.
So nice of you to say that my poem is absolutely beautiful. Means a lot to e.
Lisa, still in Spain

[Lorry]

Your pic included reminds me of the moment I think we all have in our minds, of the moment we can picture our own innocence being lost. Mine was Christmas 1975. The day I found out that santa was a fraud, who obviously hadn't heard the news that I spent Christmas eve in hospital getting my arm sewn back on to my arm after running through a plate glass door. (sewn back on is a slight exaggeration, but only slight)
He in his chubby wisdom decided to bring me a drum kit that I couldn't play until the following June and I have avoided Christmas like the plague ever since.
You can tell by the pic of the little girl that she may well be young, but behind those eyes are someone Ageing in dog years.
Well captured.

[Lisasview]

Oh yes, i do believe that many relate to the loss of innocence as finding out that there really is not Santa...and to top that off the fact that you ran into a plate glass window... Horrible..
I chose the image of the little girl because I felt that she depicted the pain of losing ones innocence.
Thank you again,
Lisa

[1809 Black Plague Decem..]

Hellos, Lisa, yes, I do love the metaphor of both an old crow,
that's searching for a place to die,
and the whale that cries,
the loss of innocence,
They arrr a' great images,
I mostly relate to the crow,
when time goes, an old man searches for a place to die, I read before,
great write, dear,
---1809 Black Plague December

[Lisasview]

Thank you so so much for your review.
I am delighted to now that you liked it.
isa, now in Spain

[1809 Black Plague December]

you are most welcome dear,

[emmajoygreen]

Read three times, understand why you asked me to read it. Need to think my way through your words Feeling my way: Whales are magnificent, exciting but oh so vast. So is life, its experiences. Thinking more: one learnss perhaps that what seems exciting is or can in fact be dangerous, damaging. The once titillating fun becomes too much, the need to escape is worse than cruel. Perhaps, believe me, it happens. Not sure if right or wrong but, innocence once lost, as is virginity, can never be regained. Once feasted, hunger means nothing?.

[Lisasview]

Good morning Emma Joy,
I love your take on my poem, Innocence. Your interpretation is wonderful and explained so well...What I love about metaphors is the interpretation of the reader.
I did write what my thoughts are regarding my poem...but they are just my thoughts.
This poem was written in a heartbeat with absolutely no corrections...I have no idea where these thoughts came from...I would love it if this happened every time I sit down to write, but, alas it does not.
The first two poems I posted last year were Hand~in~Hand and Pearls...you might enjoy those as well.
Thank you so much for your very good review,
Lisa

[emmajoygreen]

My real pleasure, Lisa. I read slowly, often three times. Sometimes fidgeting away to return and read in a kind of never seen before mode. Rarely walk away without reading because am not au fait with the academica side of writing, more from the emotional so can blather on for ages.. as am now!
Will read as many as can, promise. Have quite a ballancing act these days but, so love to read and read and read,,,, That said, have you read
The Hare with Amber Eyes: Edmund de Waa. Published a while ago but have only just read!?l

[Linda Marie Van Tassell]

In decades past, a child's innocence was most often lost due to abuse, either by someone close or by someone allowed to be closer than they should. Now, our society, as a whole, has devolved into such soullessness that it's hard for anyone to remain innocent. I can relate to this poem on multiple fronts, and what I feel most of all is sadness. It's hard to accept a reality that you wish never were. Well done.

[Lisasview]

Thank you Linda for reviewing my poem. I enjoyed the metaphors that poured out of me as I wrote this.
Lisa, now in Spain

[Soren]

So layered in metaphors this poem bursts with meaning. My first thought was Melville's Moby Dick and the multiple metaphors of the inner self as well as the world. Then came the thought of the whale of technology and its effects on innocence. Once our eyes are opened there is no return to innocence. Like Jonah and the whale there is no going back. It is a death, symbolic or not. A wonderful write.

[Lisasview]

Oh goodness Soren, what an amazing review... I had a feeling you might like this one of mine.
Thank you so much for taking the tie read and review.
Lisa, getting ready to finish making fish stew...
Lisa

[Soren]

Most welcome

[Susan 🦋]

Oh how some children suffer in this world. It turn, repeat the cycle. It is the reality of this broken world. Strong write Lisa. Deeply felt.

[Lisasview]

Hi Susan,
I have never, ever written anything like Innocence before.
The words just came out of me in a gush.
Probably one of my very favourite writes thus far... Thank you for reading and reviewing.
Lisa

[I'm trying my best okay]

Hopes crushed not by a stone or hurtful words, but the simple realization that perhaps what you look for isn't real. Time and realization sweeps you away. And enjoyable read.

[Lisasview]

Interesting take on my poem. Because it is full of metaphors readers hear what they want to hear. This poem is so different from anything I have ever written. Woke up one morning and wrote it down...
Lisa, now in Spain