Innocence

Innocence

A Poem by Lisasview
"

Very different from anything I have ever written Free Verse

"

    Innocence....

     Innocence flew by,
     like an old crow
     looking for a place to die,
     with a world to discover ...
     few moments to listen.

     She sought what she felt;
     yet, never found it;
     time rose up 
     like an angry whale ...
     her heart tore.

     In spite, she waited
     for a moment of reprieve,
     tossing her wishes away,
     as the whale
     swallowed each.

     Wanting more of her innocence, 
     the whale waited.
     Waters opened 'n flowed;
     still, the whale waited ...

     Time disappeared; 
     as did she ...
     with her innocence.

              ~~~

© 2023 Lisasview


Author's Note

Lisasview
If you happen to pass by and read my poem I would appreciate a review. I always review whatever I read.
Thank you,
Lisa

My Review

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Featured Review

Lisa,
I've long wondered what the loss of innocence actually means. I remember back in 1967, 8, and 9, I lived in Pensacola, Florida with a coterie of brilliant, beautiful friends discovering weed, and acid, and reveling in this new paradigm of sex, drugs, and Rock-n-Roll. Claudia introduced two new innocents into our tight group, and they were gorgeous, laughed easily, and danced like crazy! They were both engaged, but never brought their guys around. Both got married in the same church at the same time, and disappeared. A year later, I had moved to Wisconsin and did the same.
When I returned to Pensacola, I wanted to show off my new friends to my former classmates and went to find Claudia. Her mom gave me her new address, an old Painted Lady divided into apartments where she shared rooms with those two girls. They were divorced, and broken" their faces were hard, and their eyes flat. Innocence lost. I wrote about it:

IN THE GARDEN

In the garden of rock and roll girls
I knew back then were the eyes of
innocent laughter ripe for the gathering.

The taste of living was honey
on their lips and thighs
when they smiled at us
to the sound of guitar
poetry painting fantasies in
the blue nights and yellow days
spent guileless in the garden of
rock and roll girls I knew back then.

They danced with us in the
smoke of our wildest dreams
breathless, bouncing hair
and the drum of burning blood,
a fire in the garden until midnight
when the harvester comes wearing
a jeweled grin to share with them.

He lives today around their
white necks and naked wrists
slit by the fangs of innocence.

As you can see, I have long been troubled by this "rite of passage." And a few minutes ago, I clicked on your picture again, but it wasn't the same one as accompanies this poem. In that one you are giving a great guffaw, and full of joy. The one here speaks better to the theme.
Hmmm. I wonder if commenting like this is what we are supposed to do, rather than an analysis or critique, "Why did you use that word? or What did you mean by that image?". But somehow It is a little richer, I think, to speak directly to the poet and the poet's thoughts and feelings, Something I can't do with D. H. Lawrence, or Charles Bukowski or any of those other dead ones. So, unless you tell me otherwise, I'll carry on. But with messages rather than here, because I'd love to delve into some of the images and thoughts in this poem.
I hope your shoulder is healing, and i understand the pain, and the limitations it puts on how much you can write,


Posted 1 Year Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

Vol

1 Year Ago

OW! Lisa!
I can relate... It is awful, and even the deep knowledge that this will pass does .. read more
V.R.S.C.

1 Year Ago

Both a powerful poem and top review. I have nothing to add. Thank you both Lisa and Vol for sharing!
Lisasview

1 Year Ago

Thank you so so much!
Lisa



Reviews

thanks for leaving a comment to my piece earlier. i rushed over to check out your work and i'm so glad i did. the first rhyme just took my breath away. losing one's innocence is such a painful endeavour, and filtering that experience we all undergo through metaphors help mitigate it. the image of a crow taking off was extremely effective. i once had a crow land on my porch and look me straight in the eye, and then flying away. it was not long after that a tragedy struck my home.

Posted 5 Days Ago


Time & Innocence, a good write, it touched me :)
JD


Posted 1 Week Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Lisasview

6 Days Ago

When I woke up very early one morning and quickly wrote this poem down and then went back to read it.. read more
Innocence once lost can never be regained. A flawlessly executed metaphoric write with various figures of speech and excellent depiction. The added graphic portrays a little girl with such a lost look as well as a beautiful face filled with fear. I am so happy to read that the little girl disappeared but with her innocence and pray her life was a good and happy one. A very heart breaking, insightful but powerfully penned write, Lisa. Thank you for sharing...

Posted 1 Week Ago


Lisasview

1 Week Ago

It has been quite awhile since I have gotten a review for Innocence… happy to know you understood .. read more
Lisasview

1 Week Ago

PS hi again
Did you read EP Robles review of my poem?
Lisa
Marie

1 Week Ago

Most welcome always, Lisa.
Sorry, I haven't read E. P. Robles review of your poem. But will,.. read more
Chasing a dream? True love? In our world, innocence can disappear very early and very quickly. Sometimes, we give it away...other times, it's taken away. In every case, it can never be retrieved. "This thing all things devours...birds, beasts, trees, flowers; Gnaws iron, bites steel; Grinds hard stones to meal; Slays king, ruins town, And beats high mountains down. Time-Time-Time!

Posted 8 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Lisasview

7 Months Ago

I have been away from posting for a while... New knee and was pleased to see a review for probably m.. read more
Whew! That's a REALLY powerful poem! Frightening, and of course, melancholy. "like an old crow, looking for a place to die"

Posted 11 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Lisasview

11 Months Ago

Good morning Robert,
Thank you so much for your review.
The entire uses metaphors... D.. read more
Hi Lisa, I have read this a few times now. Where is it taking me... searching for her standards, not settling, time passing by as it does...innocence intact.
Interesting. Thanks for sharing.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Lisasview

1 Year Ago

Hello again, now getting late in the day... Always, crazy busy... Bob and I just finished making loa.. read more
Rachel Fitzgerald-Feeley

1 Year Ago

I enjoyed their review. Thankyou for suggesting same. The pesto sounds wonderful
Lisasview

1 Year Ago

His reviews are incredible and make me think more deeply about my own poems...
Lisa
I lost my innocence , sex was a dirty anvil , heating up my inner metal and bending it , to a shape , that would never go back ,

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Lisasview

1 Year Ago

Losing ones innocence to sex is the worst. And, many never completely recover.
Not sure if y.. read more
Stuart Munro

1 Year Ago

Sorry , I have a feeling when I read a poem , of connections of words to my life , if I was an estab.. read more
Lisasview

1 Year Ago

What nice things to say about my words.
I am certainly an amateur poet....
Someone sai.. read more
This poem has a fairy tale quality and the metaphors invite interpretation. I enjoyed it.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Lisasview

1 Year Ago

Hi Montag,
Interesting interpretation of my poem...
Thank you,
Lisa
so many reviews on this one not sure what I can add but will give it some time and consideration and then see if I have anything worth saying. At this point I will just add that I really like this piece of work. I am drawn to metaphors and that is one attraction this has for me. I read quite a number of your pieces this morning and you are very talented with your structure, something I struggle with, and your rhyme. enjoyed the time spent here made my morning brighter. -carl

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

carl

1 Year Ago

i have a tendency to shy away from punctuation as it is so used and needed in prose to make sense of.. read more
carl

1 Year Ago

Also big fan of Jim Morrison of The Doors and think Shakespeare was the greatest master ever
.. read more
Lisasview

1 Year Ago

Okay, love Bob Dylan... sadly never seem to listen to his music anymore...
I am into structur.. read more

Your prose captures a sense of loss and longing for innocence, using powerful metaphors and vivid imagery.

The opening line, "Innocence flew by, like an old crow looking for a place to die," immediately establishes a somber tone and introduces the central theme of innocence being elusive and fleeting.

If I might say, this comparison to an old crow emphasizes the passage of time and the search for a final resting place.

Then you expresses a protagonist's yearning for something intangible, something she seeks but never finds.

This unfulfilled longing is symbolized by the line, "She sought what she felt; yet, never found it." The repetition of the word "waited" suggests a sense of patience mixed with frustration, as she hopes for a moment of respite or release from her troubles.

The image of the angry whale rising up evokes a powerful force that disrupts and destroys.

The line, "time rose up like an angry whale... her heart tore," portrays the destructive nature of time and how it can cause emotional pain and distress.

The whale becomes a recurring symbol throughout the poem, representing both the protagonist's desires and the consuming nature of life.

The whale waits for more of her innocence, echoing the protagonist's longing for a return to a state of purity and naivety.

The idea of the whale waiting in the flowing waters suggests a patient and relentless pursuit, paralleling the passage of time and the inevitable loss of innocence. [The idea of the whale waiting in the flowing waters suggests a patient and relentless pursuit, paralleling the passage of time and the inevitable loss of innocence.]

The final lines, "Time disappeared; as did she ... with her innocence," convey a sense of finality and resignation.

This line hit home with me as a reader of your poetry. There is nothing like this explored yet in poetry aside from silly abstract and teasing methahpores.

Time ultimately takes everything away, yes? Including the protagonist's innocence, and theb she disappears along with it. This conclusion leaves the reader with a poignant reflection on the transience of innocence and the inevitability of its loss.

Overall, this poem portrays a poignant exploration of the human experience, using vivid imagery and metaphorical language to convey the universal themes of innocence, time, and loss. It captures the fleeting nature of innocence and the emotional weight that comes with its disappearance.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Lisasview

2 Months Ago

Focusing on art is exactly what to do when in Spain!
Of course Flamenco shows and Tapas are g.. read more
E.P. Robles

2 Months Ago

Makes me want to visit soon!
Lisasview

2 Months Ago

Would make for a great adventure!

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Added on March 1, 2022
Last Updated on August 31, 2023

Author

Lisasview
Lisasview

Benitachell, Alicante, Spain



About
I have been writing poetry and short stories since I was 10..so 64 years! I have never connected with any groups but recently thought why not.. So here I ..looking at where this adventure leads me. more..

Writing

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