Innocence

Very different from anything I have ever written Free Verse

    Innocence....

     Innocence flew by,

     like an old crow

     looking for a place to die,

     with a world to discover ...

     few moments to listen.

     She sought what she felt;

     yet, never found it;

     time rose up 

     like an angry whale ...

     her heart tore.

     In spite, she waited

     for a moment of reprieve,

     tossing her wishes away,

     as the whale

     swallowed each.

     Wanting more of her innocence, 

     the whale waited.

     Waters opened 'n flowed;

     still, the whale waited ...

     Time disappeared; 

     as did she ...

     with her innocence.

              ~~~

Author's Note

If you happen to pass by and read my poem I would appreciate a review. I always review whatever I read.
Thank you,
Lisa

Reviews

[Vol]

Lisa,
I've long wondered what the loss of innocence actually means. I remember back in 1967, 8, and 9, I lived in Pensacola, Florida with a coterie of brilliant, beautiful friends discovering weed, and acid, and reveling in this new paradigm of sex, drugs, and Rock-n-Roll. Claudia introduced two new innocents into our tight group, and they were gorgeous, laughed easily, and danced like crazy! They were both engaged, but never brought their guys around. Both got married in the same church at the same time, and disappeared. A year later, I had moved to Wisconsin and did the same.
When I returned to Pensacola, I wanted to show off my new friends to my former classmates and went to find Claudia. Her mom gave me her new address, an old Painted Lady divided into apartments where she shared rooms with those two girls. They were divorced, and broken" their faces were hard, and their eyes flat. Innocence lost. I wrote about it:

IN THE GARDEN

In the garden of rock and roll girls
I knew back then were the eyes of
innocent laughter ripe for the gathering.

The taste of living was honey
on their lips and thighs
when they smiled at us
to the sound of guitar
poetry painting fantasies in
the blue nights and yellow days
spent guileless in the garden of
rock and roll girls I knew back then.

They danced with us in the
smoke of our wildest dreams
breathless, bouncing hair
and the drum of burning blood,
a fire in the garden until midnight
when the harvester comes wearing
a jeweled grin to share with them.

He lives today around their
white necks and naked wrists
slit by the fangs of innocence.

As you can see, I have long been troubled by this "rite of passage." And a few minutes ago, I clicked on your picture again, but it wasn't the same one as accompanies this poem. In that one you are giving a great guffaw, and full of joy. The one here speaks better to the theme.
Hmmm. I wonder if commenting like this is what we are supposed to do, rather than an analysis or critique, "Why did you use that word? or What did you mean by that image?". But somehow It is a little richer, I think, to speak directly to the poet and the poet's thoughts and feelings, Something I can't do with D. H. Lawrence, or Charles Bukowski or any of those other dead ones. So, unless you tell me otherwise, I'll carry on. But with messages rather than here, because I'd love to delve into some of the images and thoughts in this poem.
I hope your shoulder is healing, and i understand the pain, and the limitations it puts on how much you can write,

[Lisasview]

getting late here now so I will respond tomorrow..just want you to know that I got your review..the time difference is a drag.
Lisa, still in stupid pain..no drugs now just red wine

[Vol]

OW! Lisa!
I can relate... It is awful, and even the deep knowledge that this will pass does nothing to help, even climbing into a warm comfortable bed hurts! Been there, done that!
Vol

[V.R.S.C.]

Both a powerful poem and top review. I have nothing to add. Thank you both Lisa and Vol for sharing!

[Lisasview]

Thank you so so much!
Lisa

[Eilis]

Hi, Lisa. I really enjoyed the whale motif in this poem and how that drove home that sense of being swallowed by difficult experience. Losing innocence is such a significant threshold and as your poem demonstrates a threshold we cannot recross. Your poem feels inspired and is powerful. I enjoyed reading.

[Ern M. Yoshimoto]

thanks for leaving a comment to my piece earlier. i rushed over to check out your work and i'm so glad i did. the first rhyme just took my breath away. losing one's innocence is such a painful endeavour, and filtering that experience we all undergo through metaphors help mitigate it. the image of a crow taking off was extremely effective. i once had a crow land on my porch and look me straight in the eye, and then flying away. it was not long after that a tragedy struck my home.

[Lisasview]

Thank you so much Ern for taking the time to read and review one of my favourite works...
Lisasview

[Ern M. Yoshimoto]

just read it again and it still had the same effect. it's becoming one of my favourite poems too :)

[Lisasview]

You are so kind...
Did you read my poem Forevermore? It is about my own death...
Lisa

[JD Major]

Time & Innocence, a good write, it touched me :)
JD

[Lisasview]

When I woke up very early one morning and quickly wrote this poem down and then went back to read it and I was rather surprised...It touched me and still does...
I wrote this the morning after hearing about all the terrible rapes in the middle east... went to bed thinking about that and woke up and wrote this.
You might like my poem Awaken...just a thought..
Lisasview

[Snow_]

I noticed that you write sometimes and inspired after you wake up. I think you would love this indigenous groups. and their textiles. We are taught this in our school.

Dream weaving, also known as T'nalak, is a weaving tradition practiced by the T'boli people of the Philippines.

[Lisasview]

Fascinating information...
Thank you!!
Lisasview

[Marie]

Innocence once lost can never be regained. A flawlessly executed metaphoric write with various figures of speech and excellent depiction. The added graphic portrays a little girl with such a lost look as well as a beautiful face filled with fear. I am so happy to read that the little girl disappeared but with her innocence and pray her life was a good and happy one. A very heart breaking, insightful but powerfully penned write, Lisa. Thank you for sharing...

[Lisasview]

It has been quite awhile since I have gotten a review for Innocence… happy to know you understood it.
I wrote it all out early one morning after hearing the news about the rapes in the Middle East…about one year ago.
I never changed one word… and the metaphors were unplanned … they just came out of me.
Finding just the right image was lucky.
I love what readers take from my poems especially the poems with metaphors… I think I did write my thoughts about what this poem meant to me?
Thank you again Marie,
Lisa

[Lisasview]

PS hi again
Did you read EP Robles review of my poem?
Lisa

[Marie]

Most welcome always, Lisa.
Sorry, I haven't read E. P. Robles review of your poem. But will, when time permits.
Wishing you a very lovely day to enjoy...

[James Eichenlaub]

Chasing a dream? True love? In our world, innocence can disappear very early and very quickly. Sometimes, we give it away...other times, it's taken away. In every case, it can never be retrieved. "This thing all things devours...birds, beasts, trees, flowers; Gnaws iron, bites steel; Grinds hard stones to meal; Slays king, ruins town, And beats high mountains down. Time-Time-Time!

[Lisasview]

I have been away from posting for a while... New knee and was pleased to see a review for probably my most favourite (full of metaphors) poem...
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review.
Lisa now in Spain

[Schatz]

Whew! That's a REALLY powerful poem! Frightening, and of course, melancholy. "like an old crow, looking for a place to die"

[Lisasview]

Good morning Robert,
Thank you so much for your review.
The entire uses metaphors... Did you read my authors notes?
It was a poem that I just wrote out one moring with very little editing.
lisa

[Rachel Fitzgerald-Feele..]

Hi Lisa, I have read this a few times now. Where is it taking me... searching for her standards, not settling, time passing by as it does...innocence intact.
Interesting. Thanks for sharing.

[Lisasview]

Hello again, now getting late in the day... Always, crazy busy... Bob and I just finished making loads of pesto from the basil in our garden..
It is nearly 4:30 and I am dying to get back to one of the poems I am working on. But....
If you have a moment please read what E.P.Robles wrote about my Innocence poem. He often reviews my work with in-deph analytic words... So interesting..
I do think you might enjoy it.
lisa

[Rachel Fitzgerald-Feeley]

I enjoyed their review. Thankyou for suggesting same. The pesto sounds wonderful

[Lisasview]

His reviews are incredible and make me think more deeply about my own poems...
Lisa

[Stuart Munro]

I lost my innocence , sex was a dirty anvil , heating up my inner metal and bending it , to a shape , that would never go back ,

[Lisasview]

Losing ones innocence to sex is the worst. And, many never completely recover.
Not sure if you liked my poem or not?
Lisa

[Stuart Munro]

Sorry , I have a feeling when I read a poem , of connections of words to my life , if I was an established poet , it’s written in what they admire in its formation, myself as an amatuer so called poet
Innocence struck home first , as the first word of attraction , leading me to think why I lost it , innocence , I was happy in it , then I found pain after losing it , I’m no expert on poetry , but your made me observe , I could say your poem is wonderful , or whatever , I liked reading it , I respect what you felt in your words , an old crow , sums it up , losing Innocence , then we all look for a place to die , it’s that bad , the angry whale , I’ve never seen an angry whale , but it’s use in a poem , defines , a strong feeling of loss ,very well , you’ve got an original outlook on life , and an original way of writing poetry , originality I admire most ,

[Lisasview]

What nice things to say about my words.
I am certainly an amateur poet....
Someone said that he asked his senior class when they lost their innocence and all but one girl said when they lost their virginity.... The one girl said when she lost her grandmother...and one reviewer said when he found out Santa Claus wasn't real...
Not sure when i lost mine but perhaps when I was around 11 and found out that my best friends father had killed her mother.
All of us have feeling with certain words we read...and they are all correct.
Lisa

[Montag]

This poem has a fairy tale quality and the metaphors invite interpretation. I enjoyed it.

[Lisasview]

Hi Montag,
Interesting interpretation of my poem...
Thank you,
Lisa

[carl]

so many reviews on this one not sure what I can add but will give it some time and consideration and then see if I have anything worth saying. At this point I will just add that I really like this piece of work. I am drawn to metaphors and that is one attraction this has for me. I read quite a number of your pieces this morning and you are very talented with your structure, something I struggle with, and your rhyme. enjoyed the time spent here made my morning brighter. -carl

[Lisasview]

Hi Carl,
Wow, what a very nice thing to say.. Yes, please think it over and let me know your thoughts... I am crazy for metaphors...E.P. which is a new reviewer to me explained my poem to perfection... really blew me away. The sad thing is that I had nearly 500 views and only 42 reviews!!! I guess I am being creedy but review inspire me to continue writing.
I just put a very old poem on... Wilted Soul... perhaps you will find time to read it?
Lisa

[carl]

I think the read review is a bit weird but I think also it can help folks find work they can relate to and enjoy and then they can return for more.

[Lisasview]

Trying to figure out what you are saying...
So you do not like it that one leaves reviews??? the read more after the review means that the reader needs to click on there to see the rest of the message...I also wondered what that meant for a very long time..but I finally figured it out..
I feel it is important as it helps the poet in many ways... for me usually it inspires me...

[carl]

I do like that folks leave reviews of my work, as I want to be read and critiqued as to what they feel i did right and where i need to consider change or sharpening of structure or wording. and yes i understand the "more" - It's just that I think the approach to " read & review" in and of itself is a necessity courtesy but the real end all is finding people whose work you enjoy and hoping that you will find others that will want to follow and read what you are writing. There are times when I will respond to a review of my work by a read and review but after that it will be unlikely that I will continue to read that persons work unless it is again out of courtesy. I will go back to the museum to look for the tenth time the work of Van Gogh or Hopper or Klimt but having seen the piece by Ruben , yeah okay, but not going back for more of that. - hope none of that sounds cruel or disrespectful - I save , follow, subscribe to those I enjoy and will return and review and appreciate. I think the request to return a read and review when you get one has this as it's greatest benefit.

[Lisasview]

You are so right in your thinking dear Carl... There are many poets that write that I am not interested in following..many any ask to be friends, which can be an issue... I too want to read and review the poets I truly connect with.. I too do not want to be disrespectful, life is short and to be honest I just do not have the time...so yes, I completely understand.
I often wish my favourite poets and I could get together with coffee or wine and work on our poems...
I am looking for true reviews... not just "Oh, I think this is wonderful" I am the type of reviewer that tells the poet if I feel his poem is not really a poem but rather a beginning of a personal short story or that there is need of punctuation or I often help with grammar...
Believe me I am no expert and I lack the education to educate anyone... My education comes from doing...
Lisa, now in Spain

[carl]

mine also I am a self taught retired high school teacher of English grammar, literature and Bible. It was a skill (?) I gleaned from my father to learn by doing.

[Lisasview]

Oh my an English grammar teacher... where were they when I was growing up. I only spoke french when I started school in Hollywood, Ca., and it was so difficult for me. French and Russian were spoken by my grandmother (my father moved her from Cairo to California) Long story... my mother was English...anyway, I struggled through school but wrote my first 3 page short story when I was 10...My desire to write has always been strong. But I am usually at a loss for the proper punctuation, etc.
I had no idea what a Sonnet was all about until a poet on line here read the first poem I posted last year and contacted me and said that my poem was actually a Sonnet!!! I of course had no idea. He worked with me on the last two lines and viola... my first Sonnet was born...and, I entered into a whole new world.. learning as I moved ahead.. loving every minute of my new adventure.
Lisa

[carl]

i have a tendency to shy away from punctuation as it is so used and needed in prose to make sense of meaning and I like to keep my poem open ended as to meaning and sense (lol) Confession my favorite author is Dylan , no not Thomas, Bob Dylan American song writer. hahaha but true he is my favorite.

[carl]

Also big fan of Jim Morrison of The Doors and think Shakespeare was the greatest master ever
of the English language.

[Lisasview]

Okay, love Bob Dylan... sadly never seem to listen to his music anymore...
I am into structure... so punctuation feels important to me... but not always...
I posted a new poem, which I wrote in 1968 Wilted Soul, yesterday..
Posted it just as it was in pencil in my black book...
Lisa