Forever

Typed out this poem after dreaming about it..Felt it needed some help. A warm thank you to Richard for explaining exactly what it needed without changing the essence of it. Free Verse - Fading

Reviews

[redd Brick Keshner]

Poems from dreams, much like visions are apparitions that come to us completed creations - revelations. Nice touch with the fading fonts! The answer has always been there but our coming to terms with it and making it our own bring us to ourselves. And so we live forever and a day each new day.

[Lisasview]

Good morning,
Yes, your comments are so true.
Glad you enjoyed my little poem.
Early morning here in Spain

[Gee]

Well, I'm in it forever with my good lady wife and if there is a life beyond this one then I will share that one with her too.
11th line doesn't really need the "b" Lisa or if leaving it you may as well insert the "e" as both only add one syllable to the count, and ' neath in my head reads better :))

[Lisasview]

Well, Gordon, you are probably wondering why I never responded to your review... I missed it... sorry..Not sure about the "b" and I do not believe I actually have a syllable count with this poem.. But tomorrow I will check it out...I appreciate your thoughts about the way I wrote my poem.

[rmarrwrites]

Thanks for sharing this, I found it really meaningful. It's quite sad to watch something slowly fade away and knowing there's nothing to do. I love the painting and fade effect for the text as well.

[Lisasview]

Thank you so very much for your review.
Reviews are so appreciated and few people leave them...I have 54 people that read my poem but only 6 reviews..

[lightsong]

Oh my dear! this is really sad and tightens the heart, still it doesn't mean that it wasn't written in a superior way, it was very well written and the emotions again are strongly felt. I always care about the feelings before anything else, and You do write them very well.

[Lisasview]

What very nice thing to say!! I am playing around with the last line..I originally wrote..which was....... I know this is not forever. Would love to know your thoughts..
Lisa in Spain

[lightsong]

Ok give me a moment to read it again :>

[lightsong]

Yet,
with each passing day,
as feelings dim;
time stands still
and I know there is no forever....

I hope You don't mind :> I felt it needs one more line and I tried my best to keep your essence. of course it is my thoughts :> You can asked Richard again about it he will give You a honest review. Thank You for asking me I am humbled :>

[Lisasview]

I really appreciate your thoughts.. I will run this by Richard..I felt there was something missing.
I wish reviewers gave more of their true opinions. This "Oh, I love it" is nice.. but constructive criticisms would be amazing..I suppose reviews are afraid to say anything except praise..But...

[lightsong]

I hear You my friend, truth I try to be careful when I review because poets can be sensitive about their words, but truth some don't know how to give a constructive criticisms being kind, respectful and yet helpful at the same time. most of the times I leave it for other Master poets like Richard it is their job :>. I am like You opened for any thoughts and I don't mind them so please feel free to do so I will appreciate it.

[Inessa]

Usually this is the domain of young lovers with hopeful dreams of everlasting love....a somewhat fanciful expectation, but I guess if one nurtures their love and keeps it fresh and exciting, such a forever love may be possible. I feel you should lose the mature rating here, though. It's purely innocent in thought and expression. I enjoyed your dreaming thoughts. ❤

[Lisasview]

Wow, I can not believe I never responded to your very kind review of 3 months ago. I had just started posting for the very first time about 3 or 4 months ago and did not get the way the website worked right away... anyway, please forgive me and thank you so very much for you insightful review..
I am now going to read your words,
P.S. I agree my poem dosen't need to be rated mature...and by the way now I have posted quite a few poems..
Lisa, now in Spain

[gladys aily]

This is a beautiful poem indeed!! There I was actually a time when I did not believe in forever anymore as I've been hurt so many times. But now I'm getting married and hoping for the best. Keep writing, Lisa! :)

[Lisasview]

Congrats.. y only advise about forever is communication..that is the key...I have been with my husband for nearly 40 years.. a long long time..and, it took some doing to find the right one..
Thank you for your review..Please read more..
Lisa

[gladys aily]

Oh that's awesome. yes, 40 years is indeed a long long time. I hope we will also reach that level anyway. :D

[Lisasview]

Thank you for your review on Forever..my newest published poem.. Do hope you have time to read more.Lisa in Spain

[Fabian G. Franklin]

How sad and discouraging it must feel to believe that nothing lasts forever. My faith is of a stronger fabric than that. But if one truly believes that nothing lasts forever, one must concede that neither does death or the grave. I believe that love lasts forever. I certainly still love all those lost to death in my life, my mother, my father, my friends and brothers. Romance may be fleeting; running away from the wrinkles, gray hair and the withering of age. But love endures, even beyond death. I enjoyed the read.

[Lisasview]

I played around with this lhe last line and feel I need to change it back to my original version...
Which was... and, I know this is not forever..
Please let me know what you think of this..
I too believe that love lasts forever.. My family..my husband..my friends..
Lisa

[jacob erin-cilberto]

this is so tender...a beautiful expression of love.
j.

[Lisasview]

Oh gosh Jacob, I accidentally submitted this beginning of a poem I am working on.. Thank you for letting me know you liked it.
I will be taking i off now and working on it.. Glad you like it.. Did you read the two that I finished and submitted.
My first two ever sensual poems..
Lisa

[Lisasview]

Jacob, Did you see that I working on this??

[jacob erin-cilberto]

yes...third stanza..."lying" is grammatically correct, but if you are using poetic license and want to keep "laying"---your discretion.
It is easier to see new work done on a poem when we can see them side by side.
it is like when I grade students' revisions of their essays...have to see the old one as well.
I like your work.
j.

[Lisasview]

Interesting comment about Lying verses laying as I originally had lying but had it corrected by Richard..
Now of course I wonder as I have no real training in all this.
I really appreciate any help you can give me Jacob.
I love that you see the old and the new.. where were you when I was growing up..
Lisa