Push

And, yet another old poem..need to start writing a new ones.. Freestyle poetry Image is my own water color.

      Push....

  Push yesterday away,

  slate  for another day...

  Start with the warm

  air penetrating,

  soft fleeting petals of life;

  as they float by.

  Mark the wet sand 

  with your steps.

  Poem your name to be left

  for someone dear to hear.

  Glory... to the unfinished rhyme;

  let it wait among the others,

   for its turn.

  See the end at twilight;

  rejoice to be alive and write. 

~~~~~

Author's Note

Thank you for reading my poem. I would really appreciate your review. I always review everything I read.
Thank you,
Lisa

Reviews

[carl]

Glory... to the unfinished rhyme;
let it wait among the others,
for its turn.

I think this is one of the most beautiful refrains I have ever read. With your permission I would like to try using it as inspiration for a work I would title "The Unfinished Rhyme". I'm wondering at the moment if it could be developed to include unfinshed rhymes. Not sure at the moment where that might take me but would like to work with it. I will wait your response before continuing.

[Lisasview]

Now dear Carl... this is so strange because I just reviewed one of your poems... I came back here because I saw that I had a review...
This poem was written by me when I was in my early 20's... and, I had completely forgotten about it until last year when I decided to post my work for the very first time...and, that was 55 years ago!!!! Wow, now that I read it I wonder where on earth did that come from.
Yes, of course go ahead and write about the unfinished rhyme... I only ask that you share what you write with me through messages..I just am excited to see where this leads you. Thank you you for asking me if was okay to use my words... I posted several old poems and one that I wrote in 1968 today... I was 20...It is called Wilted Soul... would love to hear what you think of that one.
Lisa

[Lisasview]

P.S. The art work is one of my water colors..

[carl]

I used a photo of my pottery on a poem loosely based on the ravens of Odin I don't usually do that because I think it leads the reader too much toward what I am trying to say in the poem but maybe that is because I usually don't clearly understand what I am trying to say. lol - I think your watercolor is lovely. -carl

[Lisasview]

I always use an image... this helps the reader understand better what I am trying to say...or at least I hope so...
Thank you,
Lisa

[Patricia Wedel]

dearest Lisa... your Poem has inspired me to be wild and care-free
as the Lantana glows with yellow and orange petals in sunshine symphonies.
Br blessed and kissed like the Mist falling softly... Enjoy Summer Rain in Spain.
softly, Pat

[E.P. Robles]

In the poem "Push yesterday away, slate for another day," I hear a voice that evokes a sense of the transience of time and the importance of embracing new beginnings.

The imagery of the warm air and soft fleeting petals of life, as they float by, reflects an almost Shakespearean keen observation of nature and an ability to find beauty in its ephemeral moments.

This imagery draws upon a vivid descriptions of natural elements in works such as his sonnets and plays, emphasizing the fleeting nature of life and the need to appreciate its delicate and transient beauty.

I 'hear' an emphasis on leaving a lasting legacy.

Here, the act of marking the sand with one's steps can be seen as a metaphorical act of leaving a trace of oneself for future generations to cherish.

As a keen reviewer of poetry I see the warm air and soft fleeting petals of life symbolize the delicate and ever-changing aspects of the human experience. The warm air and soft fleeting petals of life symbolize the delicate and ever-changing aspects of the human experience.

Over, your poem explores themes of renewal, the passage of time, leaving a lasting legacy, self-expression, and the confrontation of mortality. It encourages the reader to embrace new beginnings

[Lisasview]

Hi there,
Thank you for your amazing detailed review which is spot on...
I am quite surprised you chose this poem of mine to read. It is a poem I wrote when I was in my early 20's...
I am hoping that you find time to read INNOCENCE or any of my more recent ones...
By the way, the art work here is mine..
Lisa

[E.P. Robles]

Let me read it now.

[Lisasview]

Thank you!
Lisa

[E.P. Robles]

I really love that poem.

[Lisasview]

You do... boy... I was so young when I wrote it...
Lisa

[William Michael Reeves]

I agree Lisa...

Write your joy today
Don't wait another day
Lift your now in the heat and share
Inundating
Living velvet flowers melt strife
Flying in our mind's sky
To land where our words stand
Stamped love preps
Thoughts penned by poets with ideas so deft
All who read the meaning is clear
Completed rhymes shine in time
With patience we read them together
And learn
At the end of the day we write
Pushing life into words celebrating their light!

Billigami

[Lisasview]

Thank you for your great review...Which is a poem within itself. Which I love...
Lisa, in Spain

[William Michael Reeves]

I just rhymed with all your lines. After sending though I thought I should have put it in matching stanzas as I responded to yours. Reflecting your poem was easy because yours is good.

[Aluppi Jampur]

What a lovely delicate feeling in this poem.

[Lisasview]

Hi there,
I wrote this oh so many years ago and when I found it in a folder I decided to submit it just as it was..no corrections, etc... So glad you enjoyed it..
Lisa

[Neville]

I think this is absolutely lovely just as it is .. if it were mine, I think I would leave it alone and be proud ... N :)

[Lisasview]

What a lovely thing to ay..
This a rather old poem that I decided to leave just the way i wrote it..So thank you so much for your positive comment...
P.S. I am a water colourist and the art work is mine.
Lisa, now in Spain..

[Neville]

not bad with a brush too I see ........... excellent :)

[Lisasview]

Thank you Neville..
I am a professional water colorist and also teach water color on Zoom or FaceTime.. now because of Covid..

[Writergurl (Mama's Girl..]

Glory... to the unfinished rhyme;
let it wait among the others
for its turn.

LOVE this part ever so much, this is amazing

[Lisasview]

Well, now another lovely review from you. When I write the words just flow out of me.. I wrote this early one morning and never changed one word.
The painting is one of my water colors.
Thank you again,
Lisa

[Writergurl (Mama's Girl)]

it is very pretty, i draw a little bit but don't paint

[Lisasview]

Thank you!

[JE Falcon]

"Glory... to the unfinished rhyme;
let it wait among the others
for its turn.
See the end at twilight
rejoice to be alive and write."
Now you've gone and said it all. :) A wonderful poem.

[Lisasview]

Thank you for reading this rather old poem.. written when I was young..I basically, changed nothing..
Really glad you liked it!!

[lightsong]

Oh my dear I read this at the perfect time! what a lovely uplifting poem. I really like this line "Poem your name to be left". what I see and feel here is the artist You, not only in her words but also in her colors and way of living. I love simplicity and You write with a wonderful simplicity~

[Lisasview]

I wrote this poem in the early 1970's.
Kept it like all my poems in a drawer..
Submitted it here with no corrections..
So to read your review is wonderful..
Thank you so much,
Lisa

[lightsong]

oh my! since 1970! this makes even more warm specialty about it!

[Lisasview]

I always loved writing and wrote poetry when I was 10 years old.. In the 70's I was in my 20's..
read moreI always loved writing and wrote poetry when I was 10 years old.. In the 70's I was in my 20's..
Never shared anything I wrote (by hand) with anyone...Now at 74, I decided I would venture out..
Such an adventure these past two months have been.. A whole new world..and loving it.
Lisa

[Lisasview]

Oh and I painted the artwork..

[lightsong]

oh really! really good and lovely one :> I am not good at all with painting lol

[Lisasview]

Thank you
I am a professional water colorist and teach on line now because of covid

[JayG]

I'm really impressed by this. Your analogies are spot on, and invite the reader in. The only changes I'd make are: The ellipsis is always three, not two dots. And, the last line doesn't seem to connect to the thought, "Take each day as it comes." Deeply meaningful to you, of course, but...

[Lisasview]

Thank you Jay for catching the two dot error.. I will fix that.. Also, I will look at the ending. I wrote this poem about 50 years ago and submitted it without correcting anything...and, was hoping for a constructive review. So this is great!
Lisa

[Lisasview]

Oh and the painting is one of mine..

[Lisasview]

Hi Jay,
I am going back over my poems...and came across your review... As it is now about 5 months since I have been posting and I have had amazing help from Richard...I understand so much more about writing poetry.. I would like to understand what you meant by "the last line doesn't seem to connect to the thought," "Take each day as it comes. Deeply meaningful to you, of course, but..."
I now understand that I should not personalize my words... this poem was written in my very early 20's and I knew nothing about poetry then... Anyway, you wrote "Take each day as it comes" yet, that line is not in my poem..
Hoping you will clear this up for me.
Thank you,
Lisa