Pearls

After weeks of working on my newest Sonnet and with the help of Richard I was finally able to finish it. Thank you for dropping by. All reviews are greatly appreciated. Lisa

  

     Pearls~

Her pearl's long strand reflected moon's soft light,

a teardrop lightly fell upon their glow ...

with quiet sobs, warm breasts held-in so tight;

for, she would not want anyone to know.

With sad despairing, walked along wet sand.

Lace dress, it gathered-in white froth of pearls.

To know she'd never hold her lover's hand;

he'd, sadly, never kiss her soft-laid curls.

Feet small and wet, pushed sand between her toes

as with each step, her heart could not refrain

a scream, "Oh, why was this the man I chose!"

... unable, e'er, to fall in love again.

    As stronger moonlight shines, hurt tears subside;

    she moves on, into ocean's deep, dark tide.

                              

                                   ~~~

Author's Note

Thank you for looking at my second Sonnet...any comments are appreciated.
Lisa

Reviews

[.]

Reads like a woman stuck in the throes of a loveless marriage; she has chosen the wrong man to love and the realisation brings her to tears. Perhaps there is no way out other than to give in to the seduction of the tide. A very atmospheric poem, Lisa. I enjoyed the read. ⚘

[Lisasview]

Thank you so much Jamilla.. Pretty much spot on..
Maybe just in love and not married..But the seduction of the tide.....yes..

[lightsong]

You are really wonderful with Sonnets, again this flows so smoothly, the emotions are clear and the reader feels them strongly. the title as as I said is interesting and how your reflect her precious tears along the ocean that hides deep within pearls is beautiful. well done my friend I am sure Richard is so proud of You and your talent and ability specially in this short time. I wish You all the best in your poetry journey.

[Lisasview]

Good morning,
How kind of you to review with such a lovely thoughts..
I wrote this poem one morning and then, needed to work on some of the words... not wanting to change too much and lose the meaning of what my draft said..This was rather difficult to do.. but I am quite happy with the result.. I never knew a thing about Sonnets, but now I do and I love writing them..I still am submitting Free Verse poetry..(never knew anything about that either!) and yesterday I submitted my first ever written Sensual poem.. You understood the true meaning of my Pearls...that is all I can ever hope for. Thank you again,
Lisa

[lightsong]

and all I can say that You are naturally talent my friend :> will check your sensual poem soon after I catch up with my other friends~ all the best and You are so welcome ❤️

[Patricia Wedel]

A soft String of Pearls... each one a memory... a lovely Lady who loved a Man... He chose to wander where Dolphins play... and she disappeared with the Tide. tenderly, Pat

[Lisasview]

Thank you for you review..glad you like it.

[JayG]

First, you are one of the best poets posting here. If you’re not now submitting your work, you should be.

In general, the only real point I can comment on, and it’s personal opinion, only, is “soft laid” might be “soft-laid.”

On the whole, though, this is you, telling the reader about her, as you react to her situation.

As a general thing, and this is, again, personal opinion, you’re approaching this as an external observer. And that has inherent traps: First, you know the situation before you begin to write. And because you do, you’ll tend to leave out what’s obvious to you, then fill in the missing detail as you read and never notice it’s missing.

For example: It appears that this unknown woman is unhappy because of an event or a situation that resulted in her not being with someone. But… Was it because someone else got him? Because he’s dead in war? Dead of disease? He betrayed her? The possible causes are many, each producing a different mood. But…who but you knows the why of it.

The second problem is that because the reader is hearing about it, there’s far less of an emotional impact than had we been made to be the woman, experiencing her emotion.

It’s kind of the difference between, “On brother, where art thou?” And, “I wonder where my brother is?” One involves, and the other informs,

Yes, the reader will say that this beautiful to read. And it is. But if you can make them be weeping when they say it …

If the writing is fact-based and author-centric—the approach to writing we were given in our school-years, an external narrator talks TO the reader, in a voice that, by nature, is dispassionate. A lot of what I see on this site tries to achieve a character-centric approach by using first person. But that, alone won’t do it, because telling is telling. And a narrator pret4ending to have once experienced the events is still an external observer (in reality the author pretending to have been that person).

One of the reasons my poem, Naked B***h—which is an external narrator speaking to someone unknown to the reader—works is that the last line of each stanza is introspective, giving the speaker’s emotional reaction to the thought being expressed, That line is character-centric and emotion-based (though I didn’t realize why I did it, at the time I wrote it), as against a declarative fact-based line).

The short version: Invite the reader in. Maker THEM care, not just know.

Might be worth a try?

[Lisasview]

Goodness - gracious Jay.. What an amazing compliment!
I would like to ask some questions if that is okay?
Would it be okay to message you instead of "talking" here where everyone can see?

[Lisasview]

Oh forgot to say.. that your review was wonderful and really made me think. I so appreciate the time you took to write such a great review..
Thank you,
Lisa

[JayG]

Glad I could help. And of course you can message me.

[Lisasview]

Just me again reading your detailed review for the 5th time..Understanding it more each time..Thank you again.
Lisa

[Lisasview]

Oh and I fixed the curls....

[Fabian G. Franklin]

It fits the form nicely. It's rather dark and gloomy with the suicide and all. But then I've never been so much a Poe or Byron fan. Perhaps something a bit cheerier next time? (laughing) You did well with the formatting of the form. Keep up the artistic creativity and imagination. F.

[Lisasview]

Hi Fabian
As always I just write down whatever comes to mind.
Sometimes I could be doing something away from the computer and words come into my head and I rush back to my computer and type them out so I do not forget them...I often feel like it is not me writing the words...
Have you read my less depressing poetry?
Thank you for your very nice review...
I appreciate it!
Lisa

[Fabian G. Franklin]

I still carry pen and paper to write down my inspirations. Yes, I think I've read everything you have posted thus far. I'm trying to veer away from the depressing stuff though. After three years of a global pandemic in the current geo-political atmosphere I just think everyone is probably depressed enough. Here's to a happy muse.

[Lisasview]

Okay, please keep checking in..
I did write one called hope another called Thoughts
neither is depressing.. Well, at least I do not think so..

[Einstein Noodle]

oooooooooo nice! fine story telling my new found friend!
E.

[Lisasview]

Yes, we are new found friends..
I think there is a huge dog in the photo with you!
Thank you for reading more of y work.
Lisa

[Einstein Noodle]

yeah ... that's Beauregard :)

[Lisasview]

Big dog .. must be like feeding a teenage boy!!!

[Einstein Noodle]

actually he's a rather dainty eater :))))) he weighs about 190 lbs. and eats about 60-70 lbs of dry food a month.

[Lisasview]

That is good..you are keeping him healthy!
This is my birthday week... so I am away from working on my poetry..

[Einstein Noodle]

well! happy birthday!! mine was last Sunday ;)

[Gee]

To love so deeply and then to lose this love knowing that it will never be replicated would be enough to break the heart of many.
Tis a lovely piece of writing

[Lisasview]

Thank you so much for reading this..As a Sonnet and being new at all this it was a rather a big undertaking.
More to come..
Lisa

[Julie McCarthy (juliesp..]

Love the pic you chose too

[Julie McCarthy (juliesp..]

Wow wow 🤩
Loved this to bits x

[Lisasview]

Hi Julie,
Many people do not get what this is about..
The entire poem just came out of me and the ending was a surprise..as I wrote it..

[Lisasview]

Thank you so much for your client

[Kim S.]

well it is so well written for a first draft, i like this and how you used pearls

[Lisasview]

Thank you Becky