Hand-In-Hand

My very first Sonnet ever. This Sonnet is about the forever remembered love for a mother or grandmother. remembered.

Hand-In-Hand....

Her tired eyes saw more than I'll ever know;

long silv'ry hair piled high upon her head,

the clean fresh scent of times so long ago ...

warm stinging tears are those I often shed.

Remembering her laughter through our years,

when we walked hand in hand along the shore.

As lovely sounds of church bells filled my ears,

my love still held by ocean's distant roar.

Now, fresh white, fragrant lilies near her lie,

a few soft petals fallen from the rain ...

their faces wet, turned up toward the sky;

along with them she takes rest from her pain. 

Sweet memories we shared now mean so much,

each day, I long for her caressing touch.

                                   ~~~

                                     

Author's Note

A very special thank you to Richard!! Who saw this as a Sonnet (I had no idea what a Sonnet even was!!) and, helped me complete it. He opened up a whole new world to me.
Thank you,
Lisa

Reviews

[Fabian G. Franklin]

This was particularly touching to me. I was the primary caregiver for my mother the last five years of her life. It was the hardest and most challenging task I have ever undertaken. Given the chance, I'd gladly do it all again. By her grave, I was almost too exhausted to cry. But I found great comfort in knowing her worldly suffering had come an end even though I know I will miss her until we meet again. Thank you for this, I enjoyed. F.

[Lisasview]

Thank you Fabian,
I am glad you liked it.
My plan is to rework my Sonnet so please look for it again.
I too took care of my mother for several years.
And, of my father in law and also my step mother.
Loads of work but I would never trade it. For the precious time I spent with them will be in my memory forever.

[Lisasview]

Hi Fabian, Just submitted my newest version of this poem and I also submitted one that I am working on.
Hoping you have time to look at them.
Lisa

[Mike Keenan]

Lisa,
Okay, this one has so much promise, forgive me if I play with it a bunch! In poetry, I find that it’s always a paring down process to get to essence like an Inuit stone carver, so let go of redundant words. I crossed many out.
One more rule - any time that you think you have written something precious, be prepared to kill it.
Mike

Hand-In-Hand....

tired eyes saw more than I
silver hair piled high upon her head,
the clean fresh scent of long ago ...
stinging tears often shed.

her laughter through our years,
when we walked hand in hand along the shore.
to sounds of church bells
my love held by ocean roar.

fresh white, fragrant lilies near her lie,
soft petals fallen from the rain ...
wet, turned up toward the sky;
along with them she takes rest from her pain. This line needs work

each day, I long for her caressing touch.

[Lisasview]

Hi there,
Okay, but remember this is a Sonnet.
So I need 10 syllables per line, verses with four lines and two final lines.
I wrote this and then had help from Richard a Sonnoteer.. I killed and revile this sonnet for months before finally submitting it.. My Free verse poetry is quite different.. Gosh, it sounds like I am defending myself.. but I just want to make myself clear.

[Lisasview]

Hi Mike, Did you see my response?
Lisa

[Mike Keenan]

yes; sorry for the delay; wasn't considering the sonnet; cheers, Mike

[Lisasview]

So now you know where this poem was coming from.. right..

[Fran Marie]

A beautiful poem of
remembrance in both
form and content
so well expressed. in
lovely poetic verse..

Nice work

[Lisasview]

It actually is a Sonnet and my first Sonnet ever..
True to the form of Sonnets..
Thank you so much for reading my work.. This is the very first one I have ever submitted anywhere, so I appreciate your review.
Lisa

[Fran Marie]

most welcome

[Dara]

Simply magnificent! It has such a wonderful flow to it and depth of your words touch the heart. I give it an A++ :-)

[Lisasview]

Thank you for your heartfelt review. Hope you will find time to read more.. This was my first Sonnet.. The next one I submitted is called Pearls..
Lisa in Spain PS..Love the photo of you all..

[Vertigo Cat1111]

Touching, beautiful, nostalgic and so breathtaking, taking so much from a grandparent and remembering it, spilling it down on paper years down the line. This poem is simply just so beautiful and the feeling is clear. It flows so well into each line and is full of grief, yet an overflowing happiness. ‘The fresh clean scent of so long ago.’ Thank you so much for sharing.

[Lisasview]

Oh gosh dear heart, I just realised that I neglected to thank you so very much for your lovely review... I always os appreciate the time you take to not only read my work but to review it as well.
A big thank you!!
Lisa

[Vertigo Cat1111]

It’s no problem at all! It was my pleasure. (:

[Cherrie Palmer]

This is spectacular.
It pulls at the heart. Your sonnet reads with off setting intonations that hit each new word added.
Who better to help you with the mechanics than Richard. Your poem is graceful and stirring.
Not to mention high praise from Jay.
Sister you get A+ on this one. :)
I loved it.

[Lisasview]

What a very nice review....Sister you get an A+ made me laugh out loud.. This was a poem I wrote many years ago ..in my 20's and submitted it here for the very first time a month ago.... Little did I know that I had actually written a Sonnet..
I did not even know what a Sonnet was..but now I do..
Cherrie, I just posted a new poem called Just One More Time.. very very different from anything I have ever written.. Hoping you will find th time to read it..
Lisa

[Cherrie Palmer]

Can't wait:)

[Miss Sharon]

(Sweet memories we shared now mean so much, each day, I long for her caressing touch.) I feel the same way about my Mom. I took care of her when she developed severe memory issues and now that she's gone I treasure the time we had together. ~Sharon

[Lisasview]

Thank you Sharon for reviewing my Sonnet. Sadly, my mother developed severe memory loss at the age of 84 and passed away one year later. We too were very close. - Lisa

[JayG]

I love it. There are damn few people posting on this site who have a clue of how to make prosody work for them—or know what it means.

It's a pleasure to read the work of a professional.

[Lisasview]

Wow, thank you so much Jay..
This is such a complement coming from you!
This poem was the first one I have ever submitted anywhere....Although, I have been writing for years I have never had any training/help in writing of any kind..I also never have had anyone read any of my poetry until now so this is such a new and exciting adventure for me.
I have another Sonnet I called Pearls that I would so appreciate you reading if you have time.
Thank you again,
Lisa

[lightsong]

Sonnets are the most challenging and difficult to compose and You did an amazing job because it flows flawlessly, effortlessly, and when it touches the ears with this tune it means You wrote it perfectly. more applaud to You since "I had no idea what a Sonnet even was" :> on the other hand, your words are tender and caring, exactly how a grandmother's love is. a truly lovely Sonnet my friend I am sure Richard was honored and glad to read it.

[Lisasview]

Hi there,
What a lovely review!! Ye, I had no idea what a Sonnet even was and now I am hooked on them..Love the way they make me feel. I submitted another one..PEARLS.. hope you will find time to read it..
Lisa

[lightsong]

Hi again my friend 🌺

Sonnets are my favorite structural form of poetry though I don't write them, like You I feel there is something special about them and the feeling they radiate as we read them. I will check your PEARLS (very interesting title!) so soon hopefully if I find time today or tomorrow. Blessings 💗

[Lisasview]

Perfect, thank you so much..

[Soren]

Beautiful, tender, and heart felt. There was wonderful imagery and it flowed so well. Truly enjoyable.

[Lisasview]

Thank you so much Soren for your review. Sorry I am a bit late in responding.. Life just gets in the way.
Lisa

[Annette Pisano-Higley]

"Sweet memories we shared now mean so much,
each day, I long for her caressing touch."

Hi Lisa. Love your beautiful avatar, tiles, painting & sonnet. Great imagery, meter, rhyme, message. I miss my Mother & Grandmother very much so your elegant words deeply touched me. Thank you for this.

[Lisasview]

This is my very first Sonnet.. I submitted it a couple of weeks ago.. Never having submitted any of my work anywhere..this has been quite an adventure!
I miss my dear mother so so much..
Thank you for your review,
Lisa