the bus stop

well im sitting at the bus stop

about to go to school

then i hear my dad

he says hold it you damn fool

i looked at the driver 

and said could you please wait

and five min later 

there were bruises on my face

the driver looked at me like 

everything was fine

tears running down my face 

that had to be a sign

its twelve years later 

and my body is still bruised

my mind is mostly shattered 

and thru the years i've used

three attempts later 

im still on this ground

my dad is also here

and he has to hear this sound

Reviews

[Zoe Jay]

Ouch, this is a really direct and hard-hitting poem. The rhyme scheme and structure is straight-ahead, and has an almost child-like quality which really enhances the feel of the poem. The short words and simplicity of the language also are effective. It's quite painful to read. This is a very raw, very honest poem, very well written, and very powerful and touching. I also like the play on the word "here" in the final verse, it gives a strong conclusion to the poem which stays in the readers mind. Great writing, deserves to be much more reviewed than this. x

[MADAM]

so intense0-0) one quick correction, on the second to last line, shouldn't it be "here" instead of hear? Anyways besides that I liked it. It does hurt me on the lines:

"the driver looked at me like
everything was fine
tears running down my face
that had to be a sign"

There is definitely a lot of truth to this, It angers me when people ignore these kind of things and don't take action. Im not sure what sound it is that his dad has to hear, perhaps crying? thats the only thing that perplexes me. I do get the attempts though (suicide right?) This has a very good impact, good write.

[Aleyah]

This is intense. I mean, clearly, this is extremely sad, but other than that, it's great because the flow is awesome and it gets straight to the point without being extremely straightforward and blunt. Great job!