Chapter the Second

Amaya meets me by the doors of my house, waiting to go to school. Even if school doesn’t care about us, we care about it. A bad grade there could make or break our futures. And the future is all we’ve got going for ourselves.

She glances at me through the corner of her eye, so I smile. Her pale face turns the gentle color of cherry blossom pink, and she gives me her “I’m-so-embarrassed-but-I-need-to-smile-back” smiles. Amaya is so precious and pure. She could even make the devil convert to Christianity if she flashed that smile to him in a nun’s habit. I don’t know what I did to deserve her, but I thank god every day that I did whatever it was to let me love her.

She turns away and pulls a loose strand of jet colored hair behind her ear, even more embarrassed, her ears a darker pink, almost cherry red, hiding her face behind her elbow.

“Don’t look at me so much,” She tells me, her voice soft, “You’re making me blush. It’s not even cold out.”  She looks out from under her eyelashes, meeting my eyes for single ba-bump of my heart, jerking the strings of it like the master does the marionette. She is so beautiful, even if she were to lead me off a cliff, I would gladly follow for only the breath of a smile from her.

I stop walking, and she does too, when she hears that I’ve stopped, turns to look at me. I take a step towards her, close enough that we’re inside each other’s personal bubble. I reach a hand out, cup her cheek, gently stroking it with my thumb.

“Why not?” I ask, “You’re so pretty and expressive. I could watch you all day and never get bored.”

She turns away, jerking out of my touch, and I feel a faint pang in my stomach from her disbelief. She doesn’t ever see just how amazing she truly is, how much I love her. She can never quite believe me, which I can understand and empathize with, but it still hurts. She always meets my declarations of love with a certain amount of skepticism, and coming from her background, makes sense; but no matter how many times it happens, it always hurts… and so I want to stop telling her. To tell her with my actions rather than with my words, but she’s a cynic, and so she always believes in an ulterior motive.

“Don’t say that. It’s not true.” She turns so I can’t see her face.

“But it is.” I take a step closer, so were just barely touching, my chest to her back.

“Don’t lie…” Her voice hitches and my heart stings with the blow of an invisible arrow.

“But you are. You are the most beautiful girl I know. You are amazing and kind and sweet. You don’t know half of what you are.” I snake my arms around her, pulling her tight against my chest.

“You can’t possibly know that. You shouldn’t lie. Lies will send you to hell.”

“But it’s the truth. And if I don’t tell you, who will? It’s my job to  tell you the truth. Everyone else may lie, but on this subject, I will always tell you the truth.” I kiss the top of her citrus scented head. A scent so familiar, it must belong in my DNA somewhere. I love this girl more than life itself- can’t she see that?

Amaya twists out of my arms, out of my reach, and the distance feels like an ocean between us- a cold arctic breeze rippling the waves.

“Amaya…” She walks away from me, no response.

I’ve said the wrong thing for the umpteenth time. Can I ever do anything right? How can I measure up to anything if I can’t even make the girl I love understand that I love her more than all the gold in the world? I must truly be worthless if she doesn’t believe in the only thing I feel.