Cycles

   The house is silent when I leave for school, dad's gone off to work and mom's in bed fighting a hangover from drinking all night. Thank god I had the late shift last night or I would be suffering with her right now.

   The sun has risen, a ball of anger dangling in the sky like some sick sort of prize at a carnival. It still seems so dark.

   I duck my head and the fringe of hair only covers one eye. I can no longer hide them from the world. I wish that it hadn't been cut. My father cut most of the back off and half my bangs in a drunken rage. At least he didn't go for my face. The next day, when my mom was in a mostly sober state, it was 'fixed'.

   I can no longer hide behind my curtain, so now I have to hide behind a hood. I wish that the world was darker. That it was quieter.

   I am tired of all the people, the noise they make, the pain they cause, the light they bring and take away. 

   School is tiring; people laugh and yell and talk. They ignore you unless you're something to mock or someone to befriend. School is bullshit. 

   The day goes by in a gray blur, everything smearing into one mess.

   My dad pulls me in for a shift at the cafe after work and I run late for dish-washing. Manager yells at me again. Go home. Dad yells at me for some reason or another. Mom drinks until she pukes. Clean up after her. Go to sleep. School. Work. Repeat.

   Life is gray. It is bullshit. It means nothing. What was the point of staying alive.

   The same thing everyday, day in, day out, day in, day out, day in day out day in day out dayindayoutdayin. Over and over and over. It's so tiring, like you've run a million miles to get away and then realize that all that time you spent running was on a treadmill. You work all your life and realize you've gone nowhere.

   Sometimes, in the monotony, something will catch your eye- a smile, a person, a voice- but none of it ever sticks around. You fall in love only to fall back out.

   Life is just various cycles smushed into one larger cycle. Day night day night. Work eat sleep work eat sleep. Birth live die.

   Bullshit.