Every Breath I Take

This was made out of no where. It just popped into my head.

Every breath that I take,
I remember all those times.
I went swimming in the lakes,
Singing with the chimes,

Every breath that I take,
I wish I had a friend.
One who would do anything for my sake,
Till the very end.

Every breath I take,
I look back upon the past.
It somehow seemed rotten and fake,
It went by all too fast.

Every breath that I take,
My life draws nearer to the end.
Every morning when I wake,
I wonder if my life is real or pretend.

Every breath that I take,
Every second in the day.
Every solution to a mistake,
Every word that I will say.

Spend your breath as if it were your last,
Think only about the present, not the future or the past.
Because when your on your final breath,
You won't want what comes next, death.

Live your life as if it has no end,
One day you'll thank me.
I'll be your last friend,
And I bet by then you'll agree, understand what I mean.

Author's Note

Please give feedback, I enjoy any type of feedback as all I want to do is learn more.
Also, please ignore the spelling.

Thanks for reading (^o^)/

Reviews

[Dhaye]

This is a good piece. You asked to ignore the spelling, but just like what I aim when I read a review over my work, I wish that somebody would tell me the truth if I have a mistake. That's what I will do now, to tell my constructive review. I hope this won't offend you but would be useful to improve the piece.

First, when you said "It went by all to fast" , the phrase to fast may actually mean TOO FAST.
Second, the line "I wonder if my life is real or pretend", to be parallel with the adjective REAL, you might used PRETENTIOUS instead of pretend.
Third, in this line "Spend your breath as if it were your last" it could be ...as if it WAS your last.
Fourth, on the same stanza: "Because when your on your final breath", you may actually say....when YOU'RE on your final breath.

Hope these would enhance this piece because the thought is really great... having some connections to myself.
Thanks for sharing.

[Carnation]

Thanks for the thumbs up Hear My Mind. I'm not offended by what you said. I will try and make the time to fix those up.

[Shadowlady]

this is real good u have a great talent

[Talkless]

Writting a poem is not easy,so i give it to you thumbs up.

[Sharon]

I think this is a wonderful poem. It's really beautiful and expressive. I really enjoyed the repetition. XD

[Cookie]

I really love this.

[InsanityWriter]

Great work. :) I really liked your use of repetition.

[Coyote Poetry]

I like the desire and the reason for the poem. Good friends will support you till the end. Friendship is needed in our life. Better to stand with another than alone. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Carnation]

Thanks for the kind words

[Just Kim]

YES! Very nicely expressed and written. Love the rhyming!

[Sue Noye Clark]

So true, so true - live in the moment. I love your 'About Me' profile - hang on to all those beliefs, they'll keep you strong and keep you safe and keep you living in a lovely way. x

[icelandicblue]

To live your life as if it has no end- what wonderful words you have written!

[Rhianne Ney]

Spend your breath as if it were your last,
Think only about the present, not the future or the past.
Because when your on your final breath,
You won't want what comes next, death.

Live your life as if it has no end,
One day you'll thank me.
I'll be your last friend,
And I bet by then you'll agree, understand what I mean.

~ This hugs what you really wanted to say and this is really something that is worth reading (:

Spelling will always be ignored if it means to you alot (:

The repetition didn't destroy anything here at all and that alone was great. Good job