666 Kids Helpline

Bullying awareness. It is fictional (made it up).

Standing at the high school gate,
It was my first day.
What it would be like, had no clue,
Was it was colourful or grey.

I took my first step,
On the outside I was ready.
But on the inside it was different,
My heart felt so unsteady.

The bell for class time rung,
Kids running to and fro.
Took a deep breath from my lungs,
Stood at the front of the class, said hello.

Everyone was staring,
I knew that this would happen.
People were comparing,
Making friends would be a challenge.

My eyes were a golden yellow,
My red hair, in a mess.
My voice was nothing but an echo,
My soul made of regrets.

I remember back a few years,
When I first started school.
I was lonely, had not a single pier,
I was a ghost, nowhere near cool.

I sat alone at lunch,
Munching on an apple.
When someone made a lunge,
Started punching me, to grapple.

I had gone through this a million times,
That one would be my last.
I considered it a war crime,
Yet not something of the past.

Finally school was fin.,
I had enough of this.
I ran back out from where I came in,
Wasn't even dismissed.

When I got to my home,
I ran straight into my room.
Shut the door, locked it up,
Surrounded by my gloom.

Walked over to my window,
Not in any rush.
Fogged up the stained glass,
Wrote 666,
My soul and heart are crushed.

A reflection in the glass,
Appeared as clear as crystal.
It was red, cruel with devilish laughs,
Shot my heart out like a pistol.

Without a single cry,
I collapsed upon the floor.
Days upon days passed by,
By then I was a corpse.

I hope those kids had learnt their lesson,
Why they shouldn't tease, kick or punch.
Because my dying wish was hopeful,
Stop bullying us at lunch.

Reviews

[Rhianne Ney]

This is simple but it hugs what you really wanted to say, give your shoulder a pat for a job well done (:

[Carnation]

Thanks

[Rhianne Ney]

You're welcome, you deserve it

[asdarkeyesclose]

'I was lonely, had not a single pier,
I was a ghost, nowhere near cool.'

the sad truth about this poem is there are people who are bullied so much they do end up taking their own lives and that is the real tragedy and i don't think the bullies feel any remorse at all, they are such heartless people- they must be to bully in the first place. My daughter used to take on the bullies she hated bullying so much and the kids knew to go to her if they had any problems, i always thought that was a nice thing to do. i enjoyed reading your poem, i'm a huge fan of rhyme! fantastic.

[Carnation]

Thanks for the support. Your daughter is a very nice girl to do that. Give her my best wishes.

[Loveless]

wow i love this soo much! very well done!!

[Death Girl]

I can relate because I have tryed to kill myself. This is a great write and I wish that people would realize that what they say and do does hurt.

[Sunny]

A few simple mistakes - just a bit of reading through and editing would fix these up. For example:
But on the inside it different.
Also, you can take the 'Was' out of the line
Was surrounded by my gloom.
Otherwise, it has a very good story line, great rhyming (except in those verses where there is no rhyming - you could try to rhyme there; it would make a better rhyming pattern and rhythm pattern as well as making it sound better).
Why is the person as weird as weird could be? Could you imply or explicitly state that in the poem please? It would actually be really good if you could do it implicitly.

Sad!!!!!!!!!
A person who died very easily - could you give a reason or action that made the person die like that?
Eg. You could make it so that after she saw the reflection she stopped breathing ..... you could make up the rest of the imagery etc. Or(of course!!!) you could make up your own reason.
Good job!
Loved the 4th last verse onwards

[Carnation]

Thanks for the thumbs up Sunny! Ill make sure too look at that

[Sunny]

Its a great poem!!!! I just want to help you make it (and your writing) even better!
And also, my rating was 88/100

[Carnation]

Thoughts?