Review of BEHIND THE HOOD by Marita HansenA Story by R J Askew A white-water read about a score or so of teens wheeling around in a wild dance with danger, drugs, drink, sex and sex and more sex. All to the music of DJ Death. Avail on goodreads.com You are living with a book you love, hurtling through the final chapters. You hit the dread, that foreboding of the post-story void you know awaits when the story is done but your lust for it is not. You start to hoard pages, to slow your reading, anything to prolong the pleasure, to deter the moment when you tumble over that dreaded final full stop.
That is how I felt as I read Marita Hansen's BEHIND THE HOOD.
Why? Because Marita Hansen is a brilliant story-teller.
Trust me, the story is a winner with the body of a lithe and powerful predatory animal driven by one instinct: to consume the reader. This it does, leaving a tidy heap of picked-clean bones.
Tama, a messed up teenage boy, hunts down and stabs the sister of his arch rival in the back as she struggles to escape him and his crew. Police feet pound along behind. But Tama's fast muscles twitch and he is over a fence and away.
It could happen anywhere in the world, but we are in sleepy New Zealand, except it is not so sleepy.
It could happen in Homer's Greece, or Shakespear's Verona, but we are in our very own here and now.
Power is at the root of it all and Tama, like many gone wrong teens, possesses and is possessed by an overwhelming instinctive life pulse. He will kill you or f**k you. There is no subtly, no compromise, and he is not inhibited by any intellectual stabilisers. He, and those like him, cannot stomach rivals. The jails are full of Tamas, those who survive that is. Perhaps if they reach say 27 they may calm down. But when they are 18 they know no fear and are dangerous in the extreme, especially to themselves.
Tama is a brilliant study. I loathed him, envied his potency, felt sorry for him, was fascinated by him. He is animalistic, chaos and crime personified, a living nightmare living a nightmare. He is cunning and quick, a potential leader, loyal to his mates, whom he rules with violence.
He lives by knife and dick and uses both in his war with life. Yet he can also carve fine pieces of Maori art and has a vague notion of living a better life in a better place. But that is not to be his fate.
Were BEHIND THE HOOD a stick of rock, fate would be the word running though its core, with the reader sometimes knowing more about what is happening than the players, seeing the inevitable yet being powerless to change it.
The twists in the story, especially towards the end are brilliant, Shakespearian in the way we are led into ever deeper and darker emotional places where we fear for the players whose lives we are following.
The violence and sex are interchangeable, inevitable, all part of the way the players, male and female, all in their teens, pursue their ends with instinctive vigour.
Marita wastes no words. Verbs oust adjectives at every turn and she does not write pretty for the sake of it. Her words never impede the action. The story is a mass of mostly short, bite-size chapters, more like scenes than chapters, often ending with a clever, curiosity-holding dab.
All this results in a story in full spate, a white-water read. Yet the story is also complex with a score or so of teens wheeling around in a wild dance with danger, drugs, drink, sex and sex and more sex. All to the music of DJ Death. Grown-up society is only present in the pounding feet of police in hot pursuit, but never quite catching up. Several stories are in fact being played out within the whole, with shorter chapters acting as punctuation between the more intense and longer chapter.
Though its players act first and think later if they think at all, BEHIND THE HOOD is highly intelligent in the depth of its insights into the psychology of teen rivalry. The sequence of consequences is highly thought out and structured. So, too, the players are constructed with feeling, they are drawn as human beings, they are not sterotypes. That said, I could not help thinking of William Hogarth's prints in the way the story shows us, if you do this it will lead to this.
While most of the action is driven by Tama's rivalry with Nike and the doings of their various allies, one of BEHIND THE HOOD's greatest strengths is without any doubt the rich spectrum of female players.
I urge you to read the story. I will not spoil it for you by telling you describing their motivations, flaws and strengths.
There is a terrible desperation about most of the women. They betray each other. They cause problems because of their fickle ways. Nothing goes right for them. They receive some terrible treatment from their men and from life. There is a starkness about their lives. And some are just as hot for Tama as he is for most of them. Yet some are also far more responsible, rational and sane than their testosterone lover boys who fight for them.
One line seems to capture the whole, 'Stay down; I'm in charge not you.' Perhaps this is it. Power is all, even among teen gangs, especially among teen gangs who pursue it and wield it in a far more active way than the rest of us and are in some ways no different to the way nations are in their rivalries.
You will also find some deft contrasts in BEHIND THE HOOD. Tama's mother is as weak as Tama is potent. Tama's potency is his weakness. His ally Mikey is weak. Mikey's mother is powerful, cruel. Tama and Nike are like binary stars, seem to need each other to define their own. There are many more such linkages throught the story.
Marita Hansen is a writer to watch. She has already written a sequel called BEHIND THE TEARS and has a prequel in-the-writing called GRAFFITI HEAVEN. I first discovered her work on a publisher's online slush pile where her story proved very popular with other site members and rose deservedly through the rankings. She works hard at her craft and is destined to win plaudits for her work. Don't just take my word for it. Judge for yourself. Have a look at her stuff on, but be warned, it is vigorous writing, and pulls no punches... http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/5129673.Marita_A_Hansen
ENDS
is an odd voice of sanity. She is right of course, but ignored. Alcohol and drugs are Tama's parents, just like they are millions of kids parents in many countries, with the crew as the family. The only male figures on the right side of life so far have been wearing police boots and running after T. Where are the dads? There are women struggling, some defeated, most bruised and abused. But no dads. I am sure this is true in American where the gangs are much bigger. The only other authority figure, so far is the teacher who gives T a D in English. It's amazing how Mrs. C is feeding T and he is checking her out! Surely he isn't going to ... But no he has other things in mind. Her pancakes restore his energy and he is ready for more revenge. I can't decided which motivation is stronger in him, his lovelust for Jess or his hatred for Nike. I suppose getting at Jess is a way to hurt N and removing N wld be a way to get at J. Of course he can't see that none of it may work because he is incapable of thinking of anyone else, or any perspective other than that of his own instinct driven wildness. Poor T is lost. His intelligence is just not in play. There is no rule in his life and he has not learnt to rule himself. Orlando Furioso wrote 375 days ago [edit comment]  Ch 27 Poor old Nike. He is so confident in how he is with Jess and in his pursuit of Tama. Yet he is subservient to Ash. He can't think for himself. Jess thinks better than he does. The little plot twists are clever. Dante's stroke is yet another minor act of revenge. The pit bull dab almost made me wince. Very vivid! You even pair a couple of dogs in this chapter. I reckon you instinctively pair to compare. Woof! Orlando Furioso wrote 375 days ago [edit comment] Ch 27 This fascinates because of the introduction of a new character. The uncle in a previous chapter who beats Jay does not seem a major player but Craven sounds like he might have quite an influence. I imagine if Ash or Nike ever become successcul and survives they might become Craven types. The best dab for me -- apart from the car-worship of the Cortina -- was this: 'Large trees he couldn't even name...' Of course we know Nike is more than just a driver and he does too, but he wants to believe he is innocent. Orlando Furioso wrote 375 days ago [edit comment] Ch 26 Maia is an island of calm and relative tranquilty, even if she is stuck in a hosp bed, screaming at her nightmares. The exchange between her and Stell shows how some women are, how, as in Stella's case, they will put up with insult and assult from thugs they have fallen for. Stella's reasoning is as disastrous as Tama's. Their divergent assessments of Micky are both valid and believable and based on reason, both are very realistic. But they come from entirely different levels of expectation, Stella's poor, Maia's more normal. Jess is like Maia in some ways. She is sensible about money and she has moved on from school, grown up, whereas Tama is still stuck with his schoolboy crush on her, even though she is now a mother, beyond him in reality. Your women are really great studies. A lot of women without a man might secretly side with Stella and understand her saying 'You're not mad at me.' because she has a man and will do anything to keep him. And she gets to suck face with him. Or is this insane? She get love and sex and a wage. But she gets a beating too. Many women stick with this situation. Is it out of fear of leaving the guy? Or fear of being alone? Also it is quite neat plotting that Tama has put both S and M in hosp for different reasons. One he has fucked the other he has stabbed. Very neat. Orlando Furioso wrote 375 days ago [edit comment] Ch 25 These quiteish chapters where we see the pack on their way somewhere or chilling give great insights into the Beta dogs who are not in Ash.Nike or Tama's league. Their blundering ways impact on the Alpha dogs sometimes, but they never get a sniff of the good. They say that a few men have many sexual partners and a larger number at the bottom ot the male heap hardly have any. Poor old Naf can't even get a piece of Aroha. Tama's outlook is something else. He is never responsible for anything. It wasn't his fault she banged her head. Naf's insigt into bottom fishing for any woman rings true. The joshing about the gay guy show's the crew bonding and reaffirming their sexual pecker order. Not nice, but how it is. Tama's excusing himself over Maia by saying he really wanted to jake her bruv shows how scattered his reasoning is. He doesn't seem to know the difference between his dick and a blade. But even T is scared of Ash, who seems Tama plus greater cunning and menace But the pack rallies round and saves him from Beth and Ash. Tama has the makings of a boss, but he's definitely not there yet. My ambivalence towards T makes me think == reading his comments about Maia == that nothing about him is admirable, not even his raw sexual potency because all of him is tainted by his capricious, selfishness and the brutality he shows to get what he wants without thinking about the consequences. Orlando Furioso wrote 375 days ago [edit comment] Ch 24 Nice short chapter after a long one. Cld not help contrasting your women on the one hand we have Kelly, Nina, Aroha all up for it in the zone. Here we have Jess pewking and worrying about money and Sally not well and worrying about weight. it is a sort of before and after comment on how things are. The last line 'The cheapest one please' is a total contrast to that last line of the previous chapter where Tama is still stuck in the zone. The men's roles are quiet simple and unchanging with their main battles with other men. The women's battles are perhaps with their own bodies one way or another. And -- you minx -- throwing in Naf at the end is clearly like one of Shakespeare's messengers turning up at some key moment in such a way he will unwittingly tilt things in another direction. We read on! Orlando Furioso wrote 376 days ago [edit comment] Ch 24 More bodily fluids, but quite a contrast from the comings of Tama and the going of Nina. Jess' state starkly underscores how hopeless Tama's lustlove for her is, how she has moved on, how Nike has got there before him, again. And there is a third man in all this, Jake latching onto Jess which opposes the way Tama latched onto the fake tit of Nina. Ach, poor Tama, his genes are doomed! For all his sexual vigour he is with the wrong woman and it is Nike and Nike's offspring who are latched into and onto her. Ch 23 morrrrrrre! I read the rest of this in the office after a boring day. I am and have been throughout ambivalent towards Tama ... at first I loathed him ... then I started to feel oddly sorry for him ... at other times I actually envied his full on wildness. I confess I envied his absolute animal confidence in this chapter. Yes, he is an animal, but the women are also wild, the party is wild. It is as if the very air they are all breathing is neat sex. And they are all breathing it deeply. Of course I know he is a b*****d but compared to how my day he is a thousand times more alive. Of course I also know there is a good chance he will get killed but ... Some of the language is brilliant, sounds bang on and is sometimes very witty specifically -- amped -- ball gagger -- she's a walking STD The action is also exceptionally fast. I mean that comment from the guy about dabbing in colour and all! There is no time for it! The action is too fast, intense and all consuming. I noted... -- Hi, babe, you wanna go upstairs / piss off you b*****d And the archness of HIM hating rude birds! then saying 'How much?' Kelly's willingness to have a round with him shows how sex dominates all things. K has no loyalty to her girlfriend vs the chance of getting her hands round Tama's wares. In the tub ... ach! I am in the wrong life! And this is marvellously arch: 'He didn't want to put her off by being a dirty b*****d.' !!! The langage icomes in sharp little stabs ... -- grow a brain -- I like your tattoo And then there is this darkly funny dab ... 'He wondered if she was someone's mum.' -- she tasted of beer and cigarettes -- wank stain -- Jess/Jeez/JESS/JESS ... he loves Jess -- God a condom -- yep Nothing can stop any of this. They are all in a fervid sexual cyclone. They flip from wanting it to insulting their partners in a blink. '...mean cow...your tits are false...' captures the mood of instant one-sided analysis and verbal strike after strike ... they can't resist each other yet the can't stand each other either. It is brilliant and terrible for them, simultaneously. They are lost in it all. And Tama's life force or lust call it what you will is gigantic with the last line, as with all your chapters, leaving us feeling like him .... wanting more. Orlando Furioso wrote 376 days ago [edit comment] Ch 23 Ahhhh, Aroha Summers! I like her. She never missed the party. And I recall her lurching towards Tama in an earlier chapter in a single-minded sort of way. Of course she is messed up, but she is also as vigorous as a bed of nettles.Ach, wife is calling demanding tea. More anon. Orlando Furioso wrote 376 days ago [edit comment] Ch 23. The second graph of this makes me feel even more that you don't need to 'colour-in' the story for us. Tama and the crew are so out of it, living in such a narrow segment of now that nothing else exists for them. They are intensely focused on the next hit or f**k. And there is colour in the piece anyway. The reference to rap music unlocks all kinds of doors in our imagination from our knowledge of what's going on. Adjective rich descriptions are not only not needed, they wld positively get in the way of the focus. Our focus on the story has to be as sharp as Tama's on what's going on in his life. No pretty, pretty stuff is needed. This ain't no water colour exhibition we are into here. '...sweet smelling air...hater's music...' are short sharp stabbing locators anyway. There is merit in economy, esp speed. Please resist if anyone else says, 'Hey, show me what colour are the buses in NZ? Paint a picture in my mind.' The answer is that the drama is too fast and intense to mess around with non-essential stuff. The reader can imagine the boring stuff if they want to. Orlando Furioso wrote 376 days ago [edit comment] Ch 22 I haven't read your story for a while. You had only posted 21 chapters before. What I can say is that it is absolutely easy to get back into it. I know exactly where I am. I didn't have to look beck to remind myself who was who. This meas that the characters and storyline are crystal clear. This chapter as previous ones, ends with a hint of more trouble to come Greetings ... I've got some catch up reading to do before you vanish from the site! Another comment caught my eye -- from the guy who'd met Hemmingway. He was banging on about nailing down the rust of Aukland. OK he may have a point. But on balance I think the great merit of the story is its speed and chaos. And it cld be anywhere at anytime. There is a universality to it. But the drama is absolutely key and dabbing in tons of detail, adjectives, and so on might slow it it. Also, above, all I've got an imagination, I can provide my own colour as I read. I don't need spoonfeeding. The world moves faster now and your story captures that. Your characters are living such full on lives, they have no time to stop and ponder crisp packets floating on the NZ wind. I instinctively feel that your focus on their emotions and struggles is great and that colouring things in wld be like writing by numbers. Your story is in the now. And the now you serve up is supurbly vigourous as it is. Conclusion. I've read all 19 chs here and I am a b*****d reader. If you can keep me at it you are doing well. I am busy, lazy and cynical. But the simplicity of your writing and the strength of the story and characterisation won me. I enjoyed the read. At times I have felt hate and snobbish contempt for some of your dudes. But I have also felt envy of them in some ways. As for the women I have felt all kinds of feelings towards them, including lust once or twice. The point is I have felt things as I read. And from my comments your story has clearly made me think on several different levels. My heart has been engaged at times also, for Maia, the poor kid and the little kids. Even for Tama's fucked up mum. I also read as a poet. Everything I read I read looking for glinty bits and while your purpose is not to be pretty in your writing I was really taken with the hussey word dress notion. That appeals to my metaphysical nature. So even in the midst of what is a very physical story a weird metaphysical type such as myeslf found something to rave about. Well done. I will support you all the way. And look fwd to reading the whole story... in book form one day. I have sometimes felt a bit like the police dog handler. Trying to catch up with the dudes but always one fence behind their wild dance of life full on. Orlando Furioso wrote 476 days ago [edit comment] Ch 21 Orlando Furioso wrote 476 days ago [edit comment] Ch 20. Your story is literally fast paced. We had Maia running for her life in Ch 1 and the others have various been gallopping full out. It's exciting and your wording matches the action, being athletic, lean, with move lurverly verbs than s**t slow adjectives.Ran/jammed/ran/jumped/jammed/hopped/pulled/stomped/planted/zipped/jumped/sprinted ... all in the first 18 lines. Now Tama is in disbelief. It is as if all of them are sort of astonished at their actions, as if they are doing in some disconnected way, without thought. Thought comes later and is blotted out with drink and dope. Nike's ribbing of Jayden reinforces J's subservience to the attack dogs and makes us think that N is just as bad as T in some his ruthlessness and willingness to hurt to get his way. This is not the first time that N has disappointed us. He is the rugby player, still in touch with the normal world. We expect sadistic stuff from T, but coming from N it is harder to take. But then when we think back to what J did to L we sort of understand N's behaviour and realise that they are all in the grip of one collective violence which none of them can buck. Orlando Furioso wrote 476 days ago [edit comment] Ch 19. I have not read you for a week or so ... was saving the last three chapters here for a quiet moment. So I was calm, relaxed and ready when I read. Like the yawn, nice, lovely, innocent yawn. And even the spidersuit. In fact my kids had them, too. Then it kicks off, literally. First -- I am seeing the Droogs in Clockwork Oranage and can hear the music -- ach, be that you Little Alex? ... First you give us a little morality appetiser. Annie who is on the whole likeable is morally AFU in the way she justifies her grab for Jayden. But a biologist wld say, 'Just them maternal genes, man.' But a preacher man wld say, 'How dare she, straight to hell!' The dab about Leila being a hussy is cracking. This bit 'the word fitting her like her skin tight dresses.' In the main I think I've been taken by your story teller skills more than your poetic skills, but I LOVE that dab which wins my respect. I get crazy about little things like that. I can see her in her wearing her see-through word HUSSEY, smiling at me, beckoning, blowing a little hussey kiss. And I love all of it. I then feel intensely sorry for 'Lil' Jay.' Sorry because of where he is who he is everything. I even feel sorry for Annie because we, like fates, know what is going on in the house. I got all that nourishment from half a page of your writing. Now to the violence. 'He appeared upset, his face distorted by misery...' This is marvellous. Tama is a young guy, who doesn't understand himself, the animal Tama is full on alive, but the human being Tama is ... puzzled. My heart was sinking when I read 'His breath stunk of beer.' I wondered what you were capable of giving us. Any woman reading that wld be terrified. Tis the nightmare for many a woman I imagine...animal man bevvied up up for it. Yes, Tama scares me, too. Because he will either kill f**k or kill whatever comes before him, instinctively. His life is very straight-forward as it is, fast, dangerous, deadly. Yet for all his power he is also terrified of other males so what use is his power? He is as intensely impotent as he is intently potent. OK Mate, kick Jayden. I will watch you. I am capable of doing it. And I will observe your nature. I will not hate you but I will do something you can't. I will understand you Tama mate. Throught the words of a story, from a distance, I will know more about you than you do. There will be nothing you can do about it. And by doing so I will take a little something away from you, which you, Tama, will not be able to stop me doing. Annie is a wonderfully well used as a messenger, triggering Nike, another attack dog. Nike's response 'I'm coming' can be read two ways, in such a way that captures how sex and violence are almost one thing. I meant to say before about Nike how noticable it was that he was strongly up for sex after he projected violence onto Sledge. The last line is also a nice touch with 'as the line went dead' suggesting that line Jayden might have done the same. Gripping stuff. Ch 18 The interspersing of short chapters works well. You can't have a full on chapter after a full on chapter, so the moody short ones are sort of punctuation in the story flow. We have to get our breath back too. I almost felt sorry for Tama at the start of this one, he is almost wistful over Jess. Yet there is no way he will ever be with a woman like Jess. And of course we know exactly what she has been doing with Alpha dog Nike. Yet we can't feel sorry for T because he is planning to mess Jess up in his twisted way, imagining that causing chaos will somehow win her. Ach, T is an idiot. Nike is also stupid, but nowhere near as stupid as T. Our feeling for T darkens as this short chapter progresses. There is evil in his desire to hurt Jay, but that is how the mafia, the gang culture works. All is built on fear and pain. Nike has to hurt Sledge, though in the end it is Ash who does the real hurting and Tama has to hurt Jay and does it himself. Maybe Nike is more potent in terms of violence just as he is more potent sexually than T in that he subtly provokes Ash to do the really nasty physical on Sledge. I suppose it had to be Ash doing the beading of his brother as for another to beat the brother wld require the familygang to close ranks. These little gangs enact their dramas on the stage of drugs and sex. But if you throw politics into the mix and make the gang a little bigger you soon end up with Hitler and Stalin knocking seven bells out of each other. At this stage I wonder if Maia will be the one to somehow break the cycle. But she is 14. I believe some American gangs are now thousands strong, with iron allegiances and lifelong commitment from their members. Clearly the police have to win. But what must the police become to win. If the police have to become an even bigger and nastier gang to win then what hope is there for any of us? Come on Maia tell me, how is the future to be? That is the key question in my head now. Jess is trying her best... but Nike is untameable. I suppose in reality, if kids survive beyond about 27, there is a chance they will settle down. But if the whole of their society is chaotic and there are no jobs ... no fathers ... and their ancestors were put down by a bigger gang from far away many years ago... Humiliation gets into the DNA. Orlando Furioso wrote 483 days ago [edit comment] Ch 17 This ch fascinates like the one on Micky, but for different reasons. Jess the home maker is trying to do her best for her knuckle-headed man. He is is at least loyal to her, even if he is a bit dodgy with Ash. And he is trying to do what he thinks is the right thing for his sister, though in effect he is just perpetuating the circle of violence. Is is significant that 'he sidestepped her' and went straight for the food like a hungry animal? Ach, and she has made such an effort for him. A meal. On a table. Two plates. Surely she is not asking for much from him. And yet and yet... A few moments later 'You're wet...I bet you're wet too.' Another hunger is rearing its head. Ach, she laughs and weakens. The fate of all women? He's hot, she's hot, everything is hot, hot, hot. And why not? At least they are both vital, alive. So many are not. The escalation from 'two plates' to 'she wanted him raw' is faster than a Ferrari. They are doing exactly what life wants them too. But then, life the dog, makes Jake scream. That's how it is. As for the fainting... You have me there! Is she pregnant again? Or ill? Or drained from the breast-feeding? This ch is a mini drama with several little scenes in it. Orlando Furioso wrote 483 days ago [edit comment] Ch16 One line screams out at me in this ch: 'Stay down; I'm in charge not you.' It just sums up we ever really need to know about men and countries of men, say America. 'Stay down: I'm in charge not you.' It doesn't matter which side of the law you are on, the principle is the same and the principle is power. The principle is same in mafia families, the pentagon, Beijing. Male power. But the moment a boss can't exert it ... dead. Orlando Furioso wrote 483 days ago [edit comment] Ch 15 Micky is really well drawn. We get the picture of a vulnerable kid trying to survive yet another messed up woman, his mother. Maybe T is a sort of father substitute in some way. But then all the older women are strong in some way ... T's aunt, Alhoa summers in her appetites still burning away, now Micky's mum, and Ts mum in strong in her blind love. 'She both loved and hated his father' seems a key line which gets to the core of all the chaos. The younger generation are just repeating the c**k ups of their parents, with bells. It's rich that Micky's mum is outraged at his animal behavious towards Maia and then visits her own animal behaviour on him. The contrast between T's guilt and Micky's is clear. T easily suppresses his, but Micky is not so callous. Ach, poor, poor Micky in the privacy of his shower. We see him standing there examining his hurt. 'No one else gave him bruises like that.' With parents like that it is maybe no surprise that the kids get shitfaced and T can stick a knife in the back of M. Violence and sex are almost instinctive reactions to almost all eventualities here. Micky is sensitive. Doesn't even like the dope. Sees how Maia is tough standing up to T. How sad that Micky runs back to his mum because he is still a kid, yet he can't wait to run away from her either. The stealth of his exit is poignant. Ok he steals the carnations, but it's the thought that counts right, and Micky's heart is in the right place. But o Micky mate watch out! There is a dangerous woman in that there hospital. I rather like Stella, which alarms me somewhat. She, Leila and Aroha are all full on sexual creatures. The men don't stand a chance with their likes around. It is no surprise things are AFU. And yet the story starts with an act of male violence against an innocent woman. But the woman are not all innocent. No one is entirely innocent. Ach, maybe it's Stella's front ... 'come sit with me... you can sit up here.' Given her head she wld shag him right there in the hosp it seems. Phew! Likening her expression to that of shag-hungry T shows how sex is a crazy driver in both sexes. Yet Stella is a tragedy in the making, already a skinny, drug-addled wreck, the way Micky likens her to Aroha shows that she is to be pitied. There is a terrible ferral potency in the way she hits 'on anything with a dick.' Also I note you start that sentence with 'Man, that chick...' Man is at the root of all the problems the women experience and, perhaps, visa versa. We are all trapped in an eternal ruction. Yet Stella susses Micky totally. 'You need to grow some balls'. The same problem Jayden faced a few chapters ago. As well as man vs woman ther is man vs man with the likes of T domineering with high risk violence. Less males follow them. But the leader males inevitably meeting their peers and dying. So possessing balls is arguably not great for the males survival chances. Being baited by a loser like Stella is humiliating. So Tama plans his next aggressive strokes while sensitive Micky sees how it all is. Does he feel too much for his own good? He cld never be a boss, that's for sure. He wld clearly be a better bet the likes of Stella than the men she throws herself at, but she does not respect him. Great stuff. Orlando Furioso wrote 483 days ago [edit comment] Ch 14 This ch is quite a revalation. You have Nike straying onto the Ash side of things and now you have T turning into a samaritan. T might be a b*****d, but he is loyal to his mates. 'He loved Leila, not romantically, but she was a great mate that came with the added benefit of tits and p***y...' Perfect! Again, even when she is broken and bloody T thinks of 'The girl was way too hot ...' Ach, I must find out what MILF stands for someday. I've seen it around here and there, but never go to the bottom of it. I smiled when you had T clocking the 'hot twenty-something' nurse. Even on his samaritan mission T's sexxx drive is still looking, watching. And his observatrion is quite detailed '...just right.' I can almost see her myself. Ach, and the way Jayden also turns up reiterates the symmetry running through this. The importance of mates is strongly underscored in the way Sledge believes T over his sister, the way S vows to give J a slap for her stitching up T. The way T solves N shows his cunning, esp in the way he sees it as a chance to get into Jess's head and nickers, perhaps. The way he thinks about sorting out Micky shows him as the little boss working out how to keep his gang in line. I keep having to remind myself that all your charachters are still in their teens. Orlando Furioso wrote 483 days ago [edit comment] Ch13 This ch seems as much about Stella and her appetites and dominance. Her desire for drugs is puzzlingly non-specific. Is that the way it is? any drugs? I suppose we learn about M via S when she calls her a 'tough little nut'. We already know M is not one to give in easily. Ch 12 O noooo! Pls don't let Nike be a wrong un, too! Ach, but he is...those credit card bills of Jess trying to make him happy with the odd dinner. Ach, this is tragic. And we know N is not suited to it and will be discovered, because, alas for a bad guy, he can't lie right. One insight into his distorting machismo is when he does not realise why Jess is hitting his arms: 'He smiled, relieved that nothing was wrong.' clearly not realising that things are very wrong in J's eyes because of his dance with danger. Maybe that is why thousands of young guys get knifed and shot all over the world, they don't realise the actual danger they are in. Orlando Furioso wrote 484 days ago [edit comment] Ch 11 Ach, the symmetry of violence in this ch is great. Jayden finds his potency it seems. He sets off on his crazy mission to claim his own, literally, though how he imagines it will work shows how deluded he is in his extreme passion. Annie, Annie, Annie ... must have Annie. All becomes clear to him. He is almost heroically responsible. The casting off of the rings is a great stroke, symbolising his new resolve. Yet here again, another marriage to spite another, just like Leila. And then, just like Leila, the one to do it ends up getting beaten up. They all seemed doomed, in some Sophoclean way. Yet for one brief moment J is a man, standing his ground, exerting his rights, making A smile happily. And then A's dad, like some vengeful fate, ruins everything and, yet again for J, he's being top dogged by another, having his lights beaten out. I actually felt sorry for him. But how can we because of what he did to L? But then how can we feel sorry for her for what she did to J? Ach! Tis a total soup of confused potency and gone wrong love. Ch 10. Much as a part of me understood how Jay felt a part of me definitely understands how T feels about J's hand on his...ahem. T for all his nastiness is sexually vital, which of course is all part of his problem. But at least he is not worrying about some absurd intellectual abstraction, or fretting about whether his pension will be 53 pct of his final salary or 54.75 pct. He has a working dick, is full of life and intent on doing life's bidding with the ladies, who feel the same about him. The fact his is fantasising about Jess is as arch as it gets, brilliant. There is no limit to the sexual drive. It will lead us anywhere. Thus said the Bull-Juliet dab is brilliantly funny. The notion of shagging his mate is very funny. Poor Juliet. Yet we can't help laughing at her. There is hot T, dick out, begging for sex with J1 and J2 thinks he means her! Arf, arf! But then she gets her revenge on T and he has to do another hundred metres sprint hurdling yet another fence. The way it all gets twisted up is brilliant. I was creased up when I got to 'I'm not your ho, you b***h.' Yes T did hurt J2 with his comments about her being so ridiculously offputting and flat-chested. So T, like Leila, deserves what comes his way. Though Leila clearly gets a worse shellacking than he does. The Tama Nike Ash triange is brilliant. There's T, terrified of A, stalking N, who is mates with A. So close, todger, sorry blade out. In fact T has both out in this chapter! The way T suppressed his stirrings of guilt is key as this ability allows him to carry on with his career of mayhem. The fact he is thinking of getting at Jess even as his enemies stand a few yards away from him shows how fatally conflated the sex and violence are. Surely a T in real life wld be dead before his mid twenties, killed in some jealous knifing. But that is how many T's do end, is it not? Orlando Furioso wrote 484 days ago [edit comment] Ch 10. In the midst of the chaos are Maia and Jess, sane woman trying to live sensible lives and not f**k ever hot man in sight. Yet even sensible Jess, fantasises about the bright lights and makeup...and gets preggers. And even Jess, trying to get things right, envies Leila's physical. Women envying other womens' hotness. We are insane animals, seldom happy. Jess envies Leila, Leila is not happy, gets fucked up literally and ends married to the wrong man and beaten for it. Insane, insane. Even the relatively sensible Jess is pregnant at 16. Tis all gone wrong, AFU, insane. Micky the messenger of doom is even more pathetic than Jay. The men are either berserker juggernauts or pathetic humiliatees, with Nike the man in the middle bent on mayhem, too. There isn't a single normal, ordinary man among them. Cue police boots. Orlando Furioso wrote 484 days ago [edit comment] Ch 8 Ach, I felt that hand slip sliding ... Stop it! Leila knows how she is yet can't help herself. She is transparently needy and manipulative. Yet she is not a bad sort, or doesn't think she is, though that cld be part of her delusional make up. Jaybaby, o Jaybaby, Jaybaby, Jaybaby... 'You humiliated me' ... O how that line drills home. All males dread that happening to them in any way at any time. His reaction is understandable. It is not nice. But it is understandable. Leila has no idea what she has done to him, nor has Tama. Between them they have turned him. Strong people never understand what they do to those they waft over in their triumph. So, I confess, a little dark part of me says 'Go Jaybaby, lump her another.' Of course this is evil. But... Hey ho. Leila has cruelly betrayed him, taken him for granted, insulted him, humiliated him. And in the world in which they live where life is now, physical and cruel, she gets it. Violence in this setting is the clear consequence. Sex and violence are one and them same. People either get fucked, jaked, or punched. It is horrible. I don't know that life yet I do, because it is in us all to some degree. We recoil from it yet, like some precipice, are drawn to it despite ourselves, because there is something vital about it. So Go Jaybaby, she deserves it. '...a finger too small to feel...' what greater insult can a man receive from his wife, via the lips of another man who has fucked her and then casually told the insult to yet another man. O Leila, you brough this monstrosity on yourself in your gone wrong lust. The vigour of the sex drive and the immediacy of the violence in your story is astonishing. I know that this is how life is for many. I can see why it is a swift route to the morgue or A&E. It is simply no way to be. On the othe hand it excites. Am I bad to be excited by people living more vital lives than my own, even if they are an inch away from being fucked up in some horrible way? Leila finally screamed. Orlando Furioso wrote 484 days ago [edit comment] Back for more. Ch 7. Nike is the man of honour, your Luke Skywalker. Loved the gull dab in the third graph. Those little details always appeal to me. Leila is yet another of your strongly drawn woman, though she is not a strong woman, other than in her lust for N, which is full on. In your story sex -- and not of the commercialised kind -- is never more than a blink away. Ach, the dirty emails...of course, all males wonder what, what, what was she saying to him? And, I insist, want to be on the reciving end of such emails. And yet poor ol Leila wld commonly be reviled for being a s**t, slag, call her what you will, such is our Janus faced view of sex. 'The smell of beer had died with Leila's mother' ... a very poignant line that. We are in there. Ach, at least Jayden-n-n-no-balls-p***y is fertile! Nike is the solidier-idiot. Leila's attempted seduction is brazen and desperate. She is confident of herself and status. Or maybe just desperate. Her dissembling is pathetic ... 'Please Nike, one mistake...I panicked...I was drunk...Sorry, baby...Please Nike...I only married him 'cos...' Ach, she is lost. Yet I bet many a male reader wld love to have a Leila begging him...just begging him... Of course the cannier males wld know that were they once to give in to such pestering they wld be in the grip of a terrible power. But it wld be nice to be the subject of such obsession at least once in a lifetime, if only to enjoy rebuffing it. Ach, I am enjoying this. Ch 6. I reckon Hogarth wld make a lovely pic of those two in the hosp beds. His mgs wld be look where gone wrong love leads us. M's waking is both horrifying and 'Duh. B***h' comical. Stella is also well drawn, we can simultaneously look down our noses at her and feel sorry for her and were we there we might even feel intimidated by her as she knows how to project aggression. 'Shudddupyouoldcow!" M, confused and feeling like shite, is confroted by the ultimate a la mode udnerclass love bird in S and stunned by her link with T. Everything is reduced to the basic f**k of life. We all want it and need it yet it leads us into trouble. The serious msg is how it is the two women who have ended up in the hosp because of male sexual aggression and jealousy. Yet neither is broken. Stella seems like a AS in the making. 'He's a hot bod'. I almost feel sorry for T again, because his 'hot bod' seems to do nothing but get him into trouble. Yet I am, I confess, also envious of him in some odd way. I can't believe I said that! 'Do the ugly with him' seems to sum up how things are. All of life is reduced to f**k ugly. Stell's scars tell us she is already bearing the inner loser's pain of it. M threw up on her. Now, i wonder, I wonder, if that line -- which is archly-humerous and right as she has just come back from a physical nightmare -- also shows a subconscious desire or a higher instinct to pewk over the animalist aspects of life as portrayed in how Stella is? For a woman to talk of being 'porked' seems to show her as the spear carrier in the male sexual-aggression play that all the Ts in the world are into. The male must have his hit and the woman gets hit in the process ... the world over. Ach! I am now definitely reading your story like a series of ultra-modern Hogarth prints. Orlando Furioso wrote 490 days ago [edit comment] Ch 5 I had to pause to try and work out '...the only child of his dad's little sister...' Such is the modern way. It is fascinating that T can imagine a different life, selling his carvings. He still has hope. Yet, he's stabbed a woman in the back, is on the run. His reality is clearly swamping his hope. And even in his hope drugs are there. And then his blade is out again. His blade and his dick both seem to represent his roiling aggression which is just under his skin with no intellectual stablisers to stop it going off. His need for another hit -- booze, case, sex, all in one -- shows how hopeless he is. His urges -- the jails must be stuffed with guys like that -- are sure to get him nicked and banged up. Aroha Summers is yet another well drawn female character. I confess I thought he was going to end up being bonked by her. But even T draws the line at her fallen state. The crash of the bottle reminded me of William Hogarth's painting Gin Alley with the drunk woman, tit hanging out, just about to drop her crying baby. Bloody hell T is tempted though! ...wasn't half bad looking... But nah! The exchange between T and A shows how they are both living firmly in the immediate, driven by basic wants. '...contaminate his knife let alone his dick... says much. T is using women to win because he can't win in other ways. He is revolted by A yet leaps on the crumb of repute he gets from her over the stabbing. 'It felt good to be talked about'. Yes, it does. I actually felt sorry for him for the first time. And I felt sorry for A in her desperation. Yet she articulates much when she says 'you're hot'. Intellectual people are seldom hot like that! But hotness comes at a price. And another one! Auntie Trina is really well drawn too. I like her. And there is a fascinating sub-story going on in her betrayal. Fascinating stuff. She takes Janice's love of T a step further, by trying to save him from himself, by making the phoner. The sensuous is prevalent here ... took a crap ... water felt great ... gave his c**k more attention ... stuffed the whole thing into his mouth in one hit ... hit, hit, hit ... And a trendy sociologist type wld shake their head at Ts poor diet and say no wonder he's hyper-active. I cld hear the chair creak and smirked in a good way, in a good way. I am getting a few hits myself from your writing here ... AS was quiet a character and, I confess, I imaged her looming my way and wondered if I'd be as strong as T in refusing her primal urges. But then Aunt T's moral act sobered me up. AS and AT are a great contrasting pairing. Again those boots and dog clawing a fence with T hopping over it was a strong end. T like M in Ch 1 is in flight. Everyone is in flight! Betsy and Aunt T are the only rocks here and the only active male figures are the nameless police. I'm into it now and reading on several levels. So will read on anon. Ron Orlando Furioso wrote 490 days ago [edit comment] Ch 4 Yep, even very naughty boys are loved by their mums. The second graph is moving. The notion of Janice being moved to tears at the loss of Tama made me blink. But then she is his mum and he is almost all that's left to her. And, god, has she had bad luck man wise. Your female characters are really well drawn. Janice feels right. And the misery of her life is being perpetuated in Caitlin's bad start. Maia's take on things held me at the start, and Janice holds me here. Her terror of meeting the teacher rings true for someone from her back-ground and zero self-esteem. There must be millions like her. Middle-class folk take life in their stride for those less able, small things are impossible to deal with. Janice's psychology fascinates, is she or is she not this or that. The middle-class shrink puts a name on her condition and Tivo becomes a schizoid voice. Yet to her he is a spirit. The schizophrenia is not just in an individual's head it is, perhaps, in society's head. The western intellectual scientific view vs a more spirtitual Maori interpretation of the inner life. Of course, your boy nicked the telly Janice girl! Yet bad though T is J needs him and wobbles at the thought of him going. Poor, poor, Caitlin! The best line in this ch is 'Betsy had no fear. Janice had nothing but fear.' Again you draw women well. There are many competent Betsy's out there. Pills, booze and knives. Heady stuff. All three dull and emphasise life at different times. Yet they are just the instruments of what is going on inside the actors. T has used a knife in a bad way. Now we learn he can use one in a good way. More schizophrenia, using that word loosely. Nothing is what it seems. All is more complex. On the face of it T and J, T especially, are living life fully in the immediate, responding to immediate impulses and needs, incapable of thinking beyond the next hit be it of boose, pill, toke, or knife. This fascinates me as I am not and never have been like that. In some ways I am envious of that capacity to live now, now, now ... yet it is also horrifying. The consequences of living like that are capricious, which is, I think your thrust. ... block of knives ... locked onto the knives ... pulled out a knife ... Ach, we can feel the metal. 'Bliss' is very strong. Millions feel the need to go for that bliss and the way you have painted J makes it easy to understand why she might. T is just as bad as her, but he is young and vigorous and his frustration becomes aggression to others, J's aggression is turned inward. Is it that if we are not winners in this great game we become frustrated and must vent our pain in this way? Does that explain the violence associated with poverty? Is the whole of society also schizophrenic between winners and loosers? Are the loosers the winners 'voices' in some abstract way? We are after all, all in it together. Orlando Furioso wrote 490 days ago [edit comment] Curiosity brought me back. My inititial reaction was that I didn't like what was under the stone you had lifted and I definitely felt ill will towards T. BUT... I questioned my initial snobbish and prejudiced reaction. I was curious about Maia and about how I wld react by reading on. I read the first three chapters on a crowded commuter train out of London at the end of a day of snow and misery. I was jammed up against the window and some dude in glasses, his thigh pressing up agsinte mine. Hardly ideal reading conditions I confess, but I was concentrating and I had no trouble reading. Your style is clear and open, with the words secondary to the actions you describe, which is good. The words never got in the way of the story, and never blew me off course. I normally look for glinty bits when I read but you are not about that as you are more concerned with the story. Three chapters is probably not enough to judge your story properly. But I did get a feel for your characters and something of their circumstances. Maia I liked as she seemed intelligent and clearly observant and quick witted, but then she needed to be. All young men should know how threatened women can feel by them in certain situations. As for Tama, what can I say? He's a cutie. I suppose his natiness cld be put down to aliention and depravation. But there is nothing good to be said about him of what he does. But that is not the point as your interest is in the consequences of his cowardly brutality. I confess I found myself clinging to the shards of humour that cropped up from time to time esp, 'She worked as a cleaning lady, for Chrst sake!' 'Do you want a cuppa?' and 'He'd jammed the stormtrooper helmet pretty...' The sense of threat and loneliness in Ch 1 came across strongly and the storeroom scene marks a climax of the indicents fast pace. But, o did I feel that 'punch' in the back and did my heart sink at the thought of the ... The sex is routine, the drugs are routine, but that 'punch' to the back of a hunted woman was evil. I know you wld say, 'Well read on, the story is about the consequences of that act.' But I feel a little broken by it. I sighed when I read it. I felt bad. I was saddened that we can be like that, though I know that boys, for Tama is not a man, do things like that countless times a day around the world. Ach, my mind misgives. I don't know if I cld read on as can any good come from such evil? I might read on to see how Maia copes with what has happened to her. But the revenge cycle doesn't interest me. Also I wld feel such ill will towards Tama I wld not feel good about reading on the hope to find he gets shanked. Yes it's gritty, but I think we need to find an oyster in the grit as well because life is not all grit. That is why I found myself clinging to to humourous dabs I suspect. The notion of Maia being hunted like an animal by an animal is the predominant impression. Ach! He stabs her in the back! © 2012 R J AskewAuthor's Note
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Ach, those two red lines! Scientific reality butts into the chaos. The kit is an ingenious thing made for a profit and represents intelligence in some odd way. J and N were driven by instinct. But J is right in her pursuit of love and money. She needs love to tether the man to her to protect her child and she needs money to feed him. She needs N to be responsible, that is her instinct. Making him feel better wld tighten his bond to her. And yet, although she is different to Sally (in the hosp?) she, too, is apologetic to her man. There is a theme there. But N is different to T because as she says, he will blame himself. How different N and T are in this key point. N is the better man than T. But even N is not using his intelligence in a way that J needs him to. They want the right things, are on a higher level than Tama, but the credit card is their enemy. The last line is great as we know that everything is very unlikely to be alright.