TIPS ON HOW NOT TO BE A PRACTICAL WRITER

An alternative to going off trolley.

          You finish your 100,000 word manuscript, obsess about losing same, bury in secret place, suffer memory loss induced by tensions of new sweet-as-a-nut project, forget burial site. RIP.

          You shelve o-so-cool poetry collection in fridge, go on holiday. Don't ask. Power f-f-f-failure. F-f-fridge de-f-f-frosts. Mush to mush. F-f-f.

          Back up.

          Smart, intelligent life forms back up, spawn kids. Ba-ba-black sheep I've backed my work up, over the hills and f-f-far away. Suck Cess! More please, more! O Cess! Where sucks the bee, there suck...

          Not I.

          Back up! Bah! He man go-commando-blue-eyed-hero-poet-he no back up. Join web site. Ahhh! Nice! Clap-clap. Writersca-f-f-fe. Big dude web site. He men in control. Big yankee brains. BIG servers. Heap big back up. SuperTuesdayNot. Snows of Winsconsin. Itchy f-f-finger. Whoopsy-daisy!

          Tears.

          Sorting.

          Sifting.

          New start. Yes, new start. Very positive. American positive. More positive even than the most positive American. Can-do-eager-beaver-Cannuk-spirit.

          Note. Serious big note pinned to back of brain. Don't write in pencil no more as it gets all scuffed up in pockets. This c.difficile in re-post hours of.

          Ink.

          Buy cheap pen. Ink flows. Nice. Feels guuuuuud writing poem-s**t in like reeeeeeal ink.

          Hush-hush project. Can't say more. Ink. Got to be pure see. Can't create on screen. Just notnot sexy. Need writing tool in hand. Skin, fingers, grip, ink, lead, words, brain, paper, that kind of sex.

          You can of course simply lose brain children. Taxi, train, boat -- all good places to lose children of the mind.

          Or you can carry a whole school of children in cheap ruck-sack. Safe. Know you will kill mugger. Grip tight. All safe. Backed up on back.

          3,000 words.

          Damp swimming towel...damp trunks. In a rush. Thrust in bag. Result obvious to all.

          No getty published this way.

          Square one. Square one. Square one. 

 

 

 

  

 

Reviews

[Lauren Xena Campbell]

Oh boy you sure know how to make me laugh! This is a thing of humorous enlightening and universal mastermind craftsmanship of an astute nature and on I LOVE it! This really is brilliant! Though slightly worried about the fridge thing, though true if someone was trying to steal your work it would be the last place they would look unless they got hungry. I've kept mine folded up in books (along with five pound note book marks O_o!) screwed up in a shoe, and all over my homework.

Great write! Loved every moment of it, the words like a swallow in flight!

[♥ Courtney &hear..]

Oh my god, I LOVED IT!

Haha probably because thats how my thoughts are every day. Haha funny predicament ( been there, done that.. sob) haha. I loved the chaos of the poem, it told a very simple story in a chaotic way. I loved it!

[W.k.kortas]

Urbane, droll, clever...well, I suspect you get the drift. Along with Mr. Simm, I count myself among the professionally and terminally jealous.

[Ken Simm.]

Oh brilliant. Suck Cess. You clever bugger I'm jealous.

[Daisy]

Oh Orlando, I feel so sorry for you. So many words lost. I don't even know that many words. Must confess though, you did make me laugh. Sorry!

[Liam]

This was written amazingly! Well done, it was very unique and funny too.

[John Stussy]

very humorous, not to laugh at your predicament. I love the way you write man. It's purely thought. not all cleaned up to be socially acceptable. wondeful Ron.

[desertraven]

this was sadly funny. Been there...dont want to go again. Really good piece.
Sandra

[Kaye]

It's like a massive explosion of children's nursery rhymes and anger.
I really don't know what to say about it. I was fascinated enough to read it all, but because of the style you wrote it in it was very difficult to read. Especially since I'm a little A.D.O.S. and so I kept skipping around between paragraphs.
All in all it was fairly amusing, but may I suggest that if you at all mean for this to be a serious piece that you pick out the important parts and, without losing the rage and all that, push it all together in a way that is easier to read and understand?

Also, is this from personal experience? It's a very intriguing story...