TIPS ON HOW NOT TO BE A PRACTICAL WRITER

An alternative to going off trolley.

          You finish your 100,000 word manuscript, obsess about losing same, bury in secret place, suffer memory loss induced by tensions of new sweet-as-a-nut project, forget burial site. RIP.

          You shelve o-so-cool poetry collection in fridge, go on holiday. Don't ask. Power f-f-f-failure. F-f-fridge de-f-f-frosts. Mush to mush. F-f-f.

          Back up.

          Smart, intelligent life forms back up, spawn kids. Ba-ba-black sheep I've backed my work up, over the hills and f-f-far away. Suck Cess! More please, more! O Cess! Where sucks the bee, there suck...

          Not I.

          Back up! Bah! He man go-commando-blue-eyed-hero-poet-he no back up. Join web site. Ahhh! Nice! Clap-clap. Writersca-f-f-fe. Big dude web site. He men in control. Big yankee brains. BIG servers. Heap big back up. SuperTuesdayNot. Snows of Winsconsin. Itchy f-f-finger. Whoopsy-daisy!

          Tears.

          Sorting.

          Sifting.

          New start. Yes, new start. Very positive. American positive. More positive even than the most positive American. Can-do-eager-beaver-Cannuk-spirit.

          Note. Serious big note pinned to back of brain. Don't write in pencil no more as it gets all scuffed up in pockets. This c.difficile in re-post hours of.

          Ink.

          Buy cheap pen. Ink flows. Nice. Feels guuuuuud writing poem-s**t in like reeeeeeal ink.

          Hush-hush project. Can't say more. Ink. Got to be pure see. Can't create on screen. Just notnot sexy. Need writing tool in hand. Skin, fingers, grip, ink, lead, words, brain, paper, that kind of sex.

          You can of course simply lose brain children. Taxi, train, boat -- all good places to lose children of the mind.

          Or you can carry a whole school of children in cheap ruck-sack. Safe. Know you will kill mugger. Grip tight. All safe. Backed up on back.

          3,000 words.

          Damp swimming towel...damp trunks. In a rush. Thrust in bag. Result obvious to all.

          No getty published this way.

          Square one. Square one. Square one. 

 

 

 

  

 

Reviews

[Lauren Xena Campbell]

Oh boy you sure know how to make me laugh! This is a thing of humorous enlightening and universal mastermind craftsmanship of an astute nature and on I LOVE it! This really is brilliant! Though slightly worried about the fridge thing, though true if someone was trying to steal your work it would be the last place they would look unless they got hungry. I've kept mine folded up in books (along with five pound note book marks O_o!) screwed up in a shoe, and all over my homework.

Great write! Loved every moment of it, the words like a swallow in flight!

[R E Tree]

I like your creepyness and your effort to try and make the reader enjoy this piece. I appreciate that as some reads can be boring. It felt like you were writing your thoughts which made it recognizable to the reader of how you think. It was like reading what your inner-voice says to you. You sound quite young and experianced and not fragile which is pleasent as some people are just a mess. I like how some letters were repeated in words like "f-f-f-failure" and "de-f-f-frosts" that interests me a lot as it reminds me of a song from my favourite band. I feel very familer with your writing. The way its so direct to the reader is like I have had the same experiance as you and had the same thoughts going through it. i think we are very much alike.

[Winter McPherson]

You crack me up! Such a humorous write. Putting it in the freezer......heap, big man back up! I loved it! lol!

[Shapeshifter]

'know that you will kill mugger' lmao! great stuff my friend. I think i'll take the trolley now. B

[FoolsGold23]

All I could do was shake my head and chuckle at the absolute lunacy of it all, it was comparable to a terrier trying to write an essay. I can't help but laugh now, this is just too good!

[meagansphilosophy]

I honestly love this; it made me laugh almost the whole way through. I don't understand how people can create humor in a text. It has never been as slighly easy for me as it looks upon you.

Amazing, keep it up! (:

[Jessica Benfield]

"suck cess." i think this is my favorite part - its a wordplay i would have never thought of lol. along with most of the others who've reviewed, i must admit im jealous. this is simply brilliant! amazing write, once again!
smiles,
jess

[Gandré]

this was totally amusing text. I ha ha, I like your word plays. I could never do it. the drama of lonely writer. ha ha. so what about we stop to dream it ...and then that's going to happen? To say the truth, I don't dream abuot this. I just believe what shall be, will be. great write, again, ron.

[Nick Erickson]

A flood of everyone's fear, loosing our minds and writing along with it. Or maybe loosing our writing and minds along with it. When I finished reading this it made me realize I have stuck too much in "safe places" for "safe keeping" that needs to be finished.
Well done and thank you.

[mick weller]

...then rescue hard copy from bonfire...
as did Mrs Orwell...
and Hemingway with his caseful of stuff --- `poof` --- gone
ah, and we think it's finished when it's out of our head ...
good sane reminder to us all!
I think you would get away with:
No getty publish this way (?)
smooth smooth... smile, damn you, smile!
all those `brain children` make it sound like hard work... give it up NOW
I hear