L'onda

I decided I was going to try to at least write something short and keep it (I tend to write a small amount and then decide that I intensely dislike it and throw it away) and this is the result. I hope it isn't too terrible.

        

        The sun was just beginning to settle on the horizon, and the water suddenly became a vast expanse of shimmering orange. Tomasz fell onto his back. He closed his eyes and enjoyed the warmth of the sand. He took in a deep breath, then let it out slowly.

        You can't go on thinking this way, he thought. You have to be stronger. You have to be willing to take a few chances. There's only one chance to live. We live once. Take a chance. Stop being a baby. Take the time to make the present worthwhile.

        "Are you all right?"

        Tomasz opened his eyes. His friend Mara was standing over him. She was tying her hair up into a ponytail. Her eyes were green and intense, and they were focused directly on him.

        "Hey, are you all right?"

        "Oh, yeah. I'm fine. Why?"

        "Because of the way you're acting. You haven't acted like yourself for several days now. You've been really quiet and detached lately. It's starting to worry me."

        "No, don't worry. I'm fine, it's just that I've just got a lot on my mind."

        Mara lay down beside Tomasz. She closed her eyes to listen to the sound of the waves hitting the shore.

        "When I was young, my mother used to bring me here," she said. "We would sit at the point where the waves didn't reach us, then we would see if any big waves would come and touch our feet. If they didn't, we would move up some and do it again, until we would be pretty close to the water. Then it would end up that the water would hit us really hard, and we would run up to the beach soaking wet and laughing. The last time I did that was about fifteen years ago. When mom died, I never felt like I should do it without her." She paused and looked over at Tomasz. "It was like our little secret thing, you know? I guess I felt like if I did it without her, it would suddenly lose its meaning. So I never did it again."

        Tomasz looked at her for a while then turned his head to the sky.

        "Would you tell me something about yourself now?" Mara said softly.

        "Why would you want to hear about me?"

        "Because. We've known each other for a while now, right?"

        "I don't really feel like it though."

        "Come on! We haven't talked in a long time."

        "That's because I don't want to."

        "Please? We're here, it's nice and quiet. It's perfect for just talking a little bit."

        "So what, does that mean that I need to tell you about my life? Is there some sort of obligation now to tell everything about yourself when you know a person and there's time to talk? Where would you like me to start, do you want to hear about the toys I had as a child?"

        Tomasz knew that he had gone farther than he should have. He immediately felt embarassed and apologetic. Mara turned her head away from him. Tomasz let his words run through his mind for several minutes. He was being too defensive, and without any good reason. This was a person he knew, someone he felt comfortable with. Someone that he loved.

        Tomasz lay there for a long while, skeptical about whether he should say anything or not. Eventually, though, he felt the words pushing their way out, until he started:

        "My mother used to scratch my back when I was younger. She would take her fingernails and scratch very lightly, sometimes it would tickle a little and make me shiver. She'd make patterns on my back, sort of play games with the way she scratched. Sometimes she would write messages to me, and I would have to try to figure out what she was writing. And then sometimes, I would stay with my grandmother sometimes, and I would ask her to scratch my back because I loved it so much. But she just couldn't do it the right way. I was always happy to get home and get a good scratching the next night from mom. But that seems like it's done now. It seems like everything's done now. I guess I'm just getting too old, maybe other things are too important and it just isn't worth the time. I don't know, really. But I miss it. I miss the way lots of things used to be." He paused for a moment. He felt himself growing agitated or melancholy, he wasn't sure which. "It seems like everyone can go on with their lives, dealing with the fact that the past is gone now. Everyone thinks about the past, wishes they could go back and relive it, and they still manage to continue to go about their daily life. What about me though? What do I have to go on to? All I have is the memories of what I used to have and the memories of losing what I used to have. What does a person do when the only thing they have is the past, if they had nothing to make the present worth the effort? What if a person doesn't care if the present goes on? And even then, the past isn't something to be remembered? What kind of life is that? That's a miserable life. I'm tired of living that life. Who wants that life?"

        Tomasz looked over at Mara and saw that not only was she looking at him again, but she had a pained expression on her face. She reached her hand out and carefully brushed his cheek with her fingers.

        "I didn't mean to upset you," she said. "I'm sorry."

        Tomasz turned his head and said, "It's fine."

        "No, it isn't. I only wanted to talk to you a little. I just wanted to get to know who you were."

        "It really isn't a big deal. I shouldn't have said anything."

        "Well, maybe that's part of your problem."

        "I don't want to talk about it, really. Let's stop, okay?"

        Mara sat up and got to her knees. She moved herself so that she was sitting on Tomasz's stomach with a knee at either side of his ribs, a hand on either side of his head, and leaned forward so her face was even with his.

        "I don't want to stop. You have to learn that your life is still in progress. You have to stop making yourself so miserable."

        "I'm not trying to make--"

        "Yes you are," Mara said. "You're trying to keep yourself feeling terrible, I think."

        "I don't want to feel this way."

        "I don't imagine you do, but you also need to keep feeling this way so you have something to say is your wound, your mark."

        "My mark? What?"

        "The mark on your soul, the mark that gives you a bit of a shadow, that adds a tragic side to your story. You don't have any more of a tragic side than any other person, you know."

        "I don't want to talk about it, please. Can we stop talking about it?"

        "No. You have to stop feeling sorry for yourself and dwelling in that feeling. It's a self-destructive mentality that isn't going to get you anywhere. You may feel bad, but other people feel bad too. Do you think I don't feel bad? Do you think I feel entirely good when I remember the good times I had with my mother here? I feel a lot of good, yes, but I also feel a lot of bad too, because I know I'll never feel that again. I still manage to go on without making it into a block, though."

        Tomasz stuttered, trying to form a reply. His mind was moving too quickly though, and he couldn't focus enough to get a sentence out.

        "You have to live now," Mara said. "You can't live in the past. You don't only have the past. You're here today, right now, aren't you? Remember the past, but remember that you're here too. You need to keep your mind here. There are more important things--"

        Tomasz suddenly reached up and put his hands on her face, pulled her down so that she was pressed against him and kissed her. His mind was clear. He felt like there had been an overload, and he felt as though something had broken open in his head. Everything went blank, he felt as though he were totally void of thought. That was when he decided to kiss her and so he did.

        For several moments the world was only him and Mara.

        He enjoyed the feeling of her hands in his hair.

        He enjoyed the feeling of her lips against his.

        He enjoyed feeling her body against him.

        He felt a weight lifted from his shoulders.

        His spirit felt freed.

 

        Tomasz ran his fingers through Mara's hair as he gazed up at the sky. He liked how soft her hair was; he liked the contrast between his skin and the darkness of her hair. She had fallen asleep with her head on his chest, and he decided that he wouldn't bother moving. He was comfortable the way he was.

 

Reviews

[Bhavya Kaushik]

oh wow! What a great piece of writing it is...The flow is so effortless and beautiful..
A very thoughtful and deep story!

[Céce]

flows beautifully,
what an enjoyable read.
the dialogue is especially good, and the description is just enough.
I also remember when my sisters would scratch my back in little patterns and write boys' names that I would have to guess.
that brought back many memories for me.
thank you for sharing this lovely write.

[Aren Daker]

I just loved your story. Usually I like stories with a deeper meaning and you combined that deeper meaning and good story well together. There is also a good flow in the story and it is enjoyable to read.