"Turning.."

A metaphor

Like summers end, im growing cold,

What once was new, is getting old,

Weathered planks upon the house,

Reflect the fire long since doused,

Once a home, but long abandoned,

Dreams are dead, hopes are stranded,

First chill of an early fall,

Blowing through these lonely halls,

Voices of things dead still call,

Whispers through the rotten walls,

Once lovely, bright, and full of cheer,

Where children played, and daddy peered,

Into the news, while mommy hummed,

Fragrance of Chrysanthemum,

Lilac, rose and posies lying,

Replaced with the stench of dying,

Once warm beds, broke in decay,

rats and maggots chew away,

Broken Glass upon the floor,

Rubbish, s**t, a broken door,

Vermin creeping down the stairs,

No more singing , no more prayers,

No more loving in this place,

Only darkness, stink and waste,

The sadness and the irony?

This lonely residence is me...

Reviews

[chr66is]

Very cool. I dig your style. One thing I can't stand is rhymes that are forced, like when people change the order of a sentence so that it sounds like something no one would actually speak out loud. Your rhymes are very natural. I have that in my work as well. Please feel free to check out some stuff on my page. Good work.
Peace,
Chris

[Valorie J. Shearer]

Jesus, you have such a great ability to draw the reader in and take every step along with you! I love the las line>>> The sadness and the irony? This lonely residence is me... Quite lovely and sad, which is, to me a fabulous combination!!! Take care~~~

[Leah Maldonado]

wow very eerie work!
I liked it very much. The rhyming in the middle flowed perfectly, and the rest of the peom did as well.
I think you should leave out the first two lines, they are a bit of a cliche, it ties the poem up nicely, but the reader doesn't always have to know everything.
but really nice work, much enjoyed
Leah