Lavender Baths

It is happening again.

Look at this darling bundle in my arms.
Step closer proud father, ready to play your role.
What's wrong?  Doesn't cry?  Doesn't move?  Doesn't breathe?
She's dead, sweetheart. Hurry now, you might catch her soul.

(What a way to tell you.
 What a callous emptiness,
 And I supposed to be your lover).

Look at this dead child in my arms
and know that I blame you.
Look at the pain in my face
and say "That is my fault too."

I have only contempt for you
as you sit and pretend to cry.
Your falsity galls, your hypocrisy appals.
Again into my womb you will pry.

Again you will try to make me produce
the fruit every woman must bear.
Watch me, haunt me, shadow me.
I must not bleed, I might kill your heir.

Another month of blood has come
and my failure arrives on time.
You say my womb is an abattoir,
rejoicing in each death, each crime.

You tell your parents that I am barren.
Not a real woman, nothing to give.
My womb expanding with lethal gases.
Suffocating fragile embryos fighting to live.

In lavender baths I soak and scrub until I bleed,
but there's a smell about me like rotting food.
I think it's slowly dying and detaching in me.
I would cut it out and dissect it if I could.

There's a flash in the frame on the wall.
That baby one you got for a dare.
If I turn fast enough I can almost see
the gloating family snapshot not yet there.

Can't you see those little black dresses?
Do you think a different ending can be willed?
Each union we have your sight is lost,
Blindly waiting until the last dress is filled.

 

© Morney Wilson

Reviews

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Wow. Being a woman who has lost two babies due to an incompetant cervix, I feel for the narrator. I am thankful that the feelings of resentment to or from my 'other' was not like this. I think that this poem addresses an important issue that is not discussed openly and gives a good case in defense of building support groups for women that have difficulty carrying children. I understand this womans hurt and i sympathize for her situation. I only hope she has a good friend.
Good Work, you have touched on an issue that matters.