Christmas To me is.. being alive.

Christmas Day,  for me

was like any other day

for me.

Awful, abusive and nasty.

Drunk and vile parents

and a grandmother,

who,

was no better at times.

As she turned a blind eye

to all that went on.

As long as she was okay.

In her little world.

She was happy

 and content.

No real presents for me,

if lucky some colouring pens

and a colouring book

and maybe a bar of chocolate.

"If",

later on in the day.

As an away of an

apologie, for the way

they treated me all

year along.

To which is quite ironic

as I thought they had

no compassion or real

love for anyone. But

actually, I think it

was guilt.

Mentally abused,

sexually tormented and

raped. And I was blamed for

this and that.

If it rained, it was my f...king fault.

They were f....k.d up even

before I was born.

But,  here I am still.

They are long gone dead.

Had so much therapy.

I should write a book myself.

I know life is far from easy

for anyone. And what happened

to me is nothing. Compared

to some countries, in this

world. Where women and

kids are treated not much

better. And also it can happen

to men too.

I am grateful,  for still being alive.

And for being me now. It took a

long time to accept me, and my

life. I am not a bad person. Yes

I am f...ked up too. But I have

a good heart and a good soul.

And care about others no

matter what.

I think my past has made me

more empathetic, understanding

and I can relate to and know

what it's like to have a bad time

and dealing with it also.

But over time,  life does get better.

So I guess my Christmas Day is

every day to me. Good, bad or

indifferent. I am still alive.

The biggest gift anyone can have.

Not money or fancy jewels.

It's a life. And being alive.

No matter what.

That is a precious gift in general.

Even though I had times. In my lifetime

so far. I wish I was dead and cremated

when under a lot of stresses and anxiety.

But the reality is .. I want to be alive.

Thank you God & Mother Nature for

being in my corner at times.

Reviews

[CyranoDBergeron]

You are so strong, I couldnt match you any day of the week. And I haven't had it easy either.

But I'm a bitter person. I couldn't match your struggle and if I did I promise I would come out something wretched. I just know.

Thank you for sharing and for giving me something to look up to.

So Merry Christmas, and remember tomorrow is always a New Year!

[Onlyme]

Thank you for your kindness CryandBergron but I think you are being too hard on yourself, just give yourself some time and a little faith within and you will some comfort, you reached out to me, and that means a lot. Thank you, when I wrote this and clicked I thought I just made myself look a prat but an honest one. Thank you for showing me true kindness and decency with your honesty to me means a whole lot. hugs Dawn

[CyranoDBergeron]

Nope. I'm not like you. I know my nature. And to say so lessens you and others who have 'Endured'read moreNope. I'm not like you. I know my nature. And to say so lessens you and others who have 'Endured'

Thats a beautiful word, because it implies struggle and victory at once.

I'm on the fence right now, on whether to love or be selfish. And your piece has certainly helped me move towards the first option. That was my purpose in reaching out. Thanks.

[Onlyme]

Can't help but me, who iam. Just my nature to be kind and considerate no matter what. :) regardless iam ME.

[FJ Davis]

You've obviously had a very bad time; I'm sorry.
But, bravely--optimistically--you've somehow managed to come to the right conclusion.
Ultimately, we should all revere life and be grateful for it.
May God heal, protect and bless you, Dawn.

[Onlyme]

Exactly Frank, life is ultimately what you make of it. No matter what. We can just give up. Or dust ourselves down and get up and start again. Not always easy believe me I know. But it's worth it in the end. My believe I guess now. Dawn.