Mylife affect by someones else life who has Cancer.

I can really understand why people cut themselves. To release the anxiety

stress and pain they are feeling.

As it just builds up and up. And the constant moaning and whining

from someone every day inside your ears and head. Pushes you to the edge

and over. And you still trying to fight that feeling of giving in to it all.

Believe me. That is what is happening to me. Listening to him. Each and every day.

Go on about him. Constantly on and off all day long.

Only when I am sleeping. DoI gets a break. Or a little peace.

But even at that, my own brain is on overdrive. I can not

fully switch it off.

 Yes, he has cancer. Yes, he could die. Yes. no one

cares. Only me the daft b*****d that is with him.

And the hospital staff.

Where is his family? Oh, odd little s**t phone call. And even

odder visit in person. Bullshit. I am angry, feed up. Worn out.

And burnt out.

And I don't even have cancer. But I am suffering also. I do have

my own mental health problems and health issues outwith having

to try to support him daily. 6weeks constant of Radiotherapy. Mon

to Friday and that ends on Monday coming. After the last Radiotherapy.

Then consultant on Tuesday and then waiting game and so on.

The mood swingings, the moans the groans, the doctors, the treatment,

the medications. The driving, the waiting, the psychiatrist who makes things

worse and he moans about her. Like I do. As all she is interested

in is unscrewing your brain and looking inside it. Instead of listening to what

you tell her. Help wise you want from her. What a bad joke.

My life is a constant battle with someone else's demons. Affecting my life.

And me trying to help him cope. And getting it in return. As he can not

cope.

Oh, the joys of life. And loving someone. To which is really hard at times.

When you are having trouble coping yourself.

The only thing I have is my poetry. And getting my emotions out. How sad

is that?

Reviews

[angel]

Oh, sweetheart, trust me. If the one you love has cancer, you have it also, if only by proxy. But you are in it up to your neck. And, if you love them too much, and they do die, you can find yourself to be also in the grave...again, up to your neck.
I never lost anyone that way, but I did survive it...and survived it again.
If I hadn't, I may have taken someone else along for the ride...but here I am.
You say that the only thing you have is your poetry; how sad is that?
My writing kept me sane while I was going through it all, so I know how it is.
How sad is it?
Less sad than it would be without it!
Don't be so sure that nobody cares, though. I'll bet that even here, I am not the only one.

Truly, I will pray for you both.

[Crowley]

It’s the hardest thing in the world, we are going through it as well thankfully my family are all stepping up at the moment. The frustration of not having a life and being the only support is both scary and overwhelming. Keep to whatever writing you can do and remember everything passes for better or worse. Like addiction I believe it is not one day at a time but a moment at a time. Take care of yourself as you can. I know these are empty words right now but it’s what I can give. Thank goodness for you, that’s all that there may be. Lots of love in your gereral direction.

[wordman]

i`m sure there is a lot of us here that supports you