Prologue

They say you never know where you're going until you know where you've been.

I don't think I want to know where I'm going because where I've been isn't what I want to determine my future. Unfortunately for me, where I've been is what I consider as hell. Why? Because every day of my life so far has been full of complete and utter pain and misery that I have no way of escaping.

I feel like every time I try to escape my past it just comes running back to me when I'm alone at night with only my thoughts and painful memories to keep me company. No matter what I do to try and escape my past, it's always there, haunting me in all its aching glory.

It follows me in my shadow in the day, slowly dragging me down into the depths of pain and anguish, while it appears as a phantom menace at night, inflicting all of the pain that I've felt for so long, over and over again on my mind.

It causes me so much pain that I've almost become numb to it, making me forget any other feelings and emotions exist. I've experienced it so much in life that everywhere I go, I expect it to just jump out at me and consume me once again. Sometimes I even begin to crave pain's ghostly touch. It's destroyed me both inside and out, to the point where I only feel pain. Without it, I would feel nothing at all, but I'd rather feel pain than not feel anything.

Although I can no longer feel the strong beat of my despairing heart, or the smooth flow of my scorching blood running through my veins. I no longer feel the need to breathe, but for some reason I do. I force myself to take breath after breath because my animal instincts will me to survive. Because, like all animals, I fight for survival, for the right to live.

But in my mind, it's like I don't deserve to live, to be happy, and to be free. My mind has convinced it's self that I shouldn't have the right to live and that is why I have been tortured endlessly, receiving excruciating pain both mentally and physically.

It's strange, you go through so much pain and torment, and yet, lingering in the back of your mind, like a dying flame, is probably the worst emotion you could ever experience. Hope.

It hurts you so much more than pain because it is so often false, consuming you in mere seconds, making you think you have even a shred of a chance to escape everything. It engulfs your heart and mind, burning them to the core as it courses through your veins like a virus. Then in a short moment, it brings all of the haunting torment crashing back down on you, almost crushing you as it does.

No matter how much I wish it wasn't me going through all of this, or how much I wish I didn't know what I'm talking about, it is me going through all of this, and I do know what I'm talking about because this is my life and it's one that no one should ever experience.

And if by going through all of this I prevent it from happening to someone else, then I would gladly take their place. Even though it only leads me to more pain and regret. It's like they're my best friends, because everything I do, everywhere I go, it leads to them. It's a never ending cycle.

My name is Clara Lee Walker and this is my story.

Author's Note

If you find any grammar/spelling mistakes then please include. I'm not sure whether I want to continue writing this story or dismiss the idea just yet. I'm hoping posting what I've written so far on here will help me to decide.

Reviews

[FocusedAmnesia]

Overall, this is a really interesting prologue. Personally, I feel you were a bit repetitive describing how she'd rather feel pain than nothing at all. I do hope you continue with the story.

[zaneybear]

i enjoyed this piece, simply just re-read you have minor mistakes like not including a space or a rewording is needed, overall i enjoyed this and i believe you need to write anymore you have and then see if you get bored or don't know how to continue the story, i believe you can get far with this one, just try your best when writing the other chapters.

[Des0late]

Can I just ask where the rewording is needed so I can correct it?

[zaneybear]

"I feel like every time I try to escape my past is just comes running" my only question is shouldn't it be "i try to escape my past 'it' just comes" not is? not trying to be rude sorry if it's supposed to be that way

[Des0late]

Okay, thanks. I do that sometimes without realizing haha. Thanks for the review, by the way. It helped a lot :)

[zaneybear]

anytime doll(: