A Reluctant Realization

Some people think they can hide
things from me or that
I'm that ignorant and that
they can simply pull the
wool over my eyes
but I'm not as dumb or ignorant
as I act at times
if you already have made up
your mind about who or what
I really am
then that's how I'll act
whether it's truly me or not
because I'm actually smarter
and more intellegent than
most people treat me
people think that they can
always keep love for
someone else
out of their voice when talking
about them
but it creeps in unexpectedly at times
and I may not always comment on it
because sometimes I just wish it
not to be true
or when someone tries to hide
a part of themselves from me
like a mental problem
or their sexual orientation
or how they've admired and desire
someone other than me
they don't have a reason to hide it from me
I never would have judged them
I just love with all that I am
and after knowing for sometime
and patiently waiting for them
to come to me
and simply trust me enough
to share this with me
but no they can tell others
who aren't supposed to be
as close as we are
but that's fine you are about
to see what secrects like that
will cost you
you will see what loving others
like you could never love me
will do to what is called us
don't worry I don't
love you any less
I just know that I'm not trusted
as much as is proclaimed
and life that was planned to be together
will not happen because I see that your heart
is not into us
I have a part that you haven't allowed others
but you've also given others
what you won't share with me
the one you've talked about spending forever with
you've already tried hiding things from me
well it's ok I love you
and I'm strong but not strong enough
to stand here knowing that I've yet again
lost a love whether it was on purpose or not
I know you may not have meant to fall
in love with another
but you've done so and you didn't tell me you
just keep pushing it further in your mind
so you think
and instead you are just making the heart grow
that much more fonder if anything else
not that I blame you in the least
she's amazing
I wish that my love and heart was the one
that you needed and yearned for
but as the time goes by
it becomes more apparent to me
it's not to be so

I must say goodbye even if I must cry
I love you and I know you love me
you always shall
but this is what's best for you
this is what you honestly need
I can't go on denying
your heart and mine happiness
I deserve to have someone's whole heart
and love because that's
what I'll give and do
but I can't do it for you
you love someone else and therefore I must say
goodbye

I know you'll cry at first
but the one you honestly need
you didn't find in me
no matter how much you've tried to hide it
so for both of our hearts
I must be the strong one
and walk away forever
but I don't ever want you to think
I did it out of spite or hatred
that as I walked away
there were tears pouring down my cheeks
and that my heart was breaking
and the crevice that was created by others
you just seemed to widen it
and my heart was torn
into two or more pieces
for the pain was so great
that you might as well
have peeled the layers back
or spooned my heart out for that
would have hurt far less than
what I felt walking away from you that day

Author's Note

Sometimes people don't realize that it hurts us even when we walk away.