Our New Home

A story of a family trying to start a clean slate.

    She looked at me with those brown, s**t coloured eyes as I held my breath and pushed. "We're never going to get this table to our room" she said, as we both struggled to push it up the stairs. My wife and I had just bought a whole new set of furniture that we were eager to install in our new home. We recently moved into this place as an attempt to start a clean slate, and leave our miserable lives behind. My wife took that a step further by getting different colour contact lenses, which I, personally was not a fan of.

    As we got upstairs we heard a shriek coming from the bathroom. We run towards what sounded like my youngest daughter, screaming at the top of her lungs. "Mom, dad, LOOK!" she yelled. There on the bathroom mirror were the words 'watch out, I'm coming for you' written in what appeared to be blood. Or red lipstick. But probably blood. Our house was haunted! "What should we do?" my wife exclaimed. Then, completely out of the blue, a familiar tune started playing in the background. Then we heard "Who you gonna call? Ghostbusters" faintly from the distance. "That's it!" I said, jumping for joy. "All we need to do is call Ghostbusters! They'll bust all the ghosts that are occupying our new home!" 

    Later that day, we made a very important phone call and in a few short minutes we heard our doorbell ring. The Ghostbusters were very professional, they did their jobs and left right away. We offered them a coupon to Leon's to show our gratitude (which we had acquired from buying so much god damn furniture). My wife and I then proceeded to set up the table in our room. 

    Jerry, my oldest son, got home from school that evening to see us all sitting on the couches relaxing from a day's work. "Did anything eventful happen today?" he asked, as he always does. My daughter, wife, and I all looked at each other and said "nope, nothing."

    "Nothing ever does" said Jerry, as he went upstairs to use the bathroom.