A Night's Tale

The crickets croon under the sill to sing a swinging swoon.

My heavy lids draw near;
ever closer, till closed they've shut.

Way up above the trees I soar and higher still do fly...
On my left is a sardine can,
massive, with peanuts, and fleshy things like me.
But they can't fly.

I plummet down toward the earth
and wave goodbye to the
can of sardines,
reveling in the air that now is all I am.

White surrounds and envelops as
little jewels of dew drop juice
paint me a daytime star;
ever closer the ground becomes.

Greens evolve trees   that paint a forest
with strokes of life, adventure, and ease.
Ever close the ground becomes.
We soon will meet
as long lost friends
with an embrace to crush the very being that is me.
My eyes   now close   in peace.

Each lid is adorned a rose pedal
while melodies of life are sung upon my sill-
a one beaked symphony,
welcoming, to me, a day of dreams.

Author's Note

This piece was inspired by the making of a lovely new friend. Im struggling to find a title that fits, though.. and would love any other feedback that you may have to offer:) and ask me questions if you don't understand any of the metaphors! I am an ambiguous writer on purpose :)

Reviews

[Anna]

I found this to be peaceful, with sad undertones, (but perhaps, I am reading too much into it) and it is splashed with a new coming. I am growing to love the way you write.


"White surrounds and envelops as
little jewels of dew drop juice
paint me a daytime star; "


These lines were my favorite. You have such talent for words, my friend.

[Chase]

You are over reading a tad, my dear. But that is okay. This poem is supposed to express the wonderment of dreams and how vividly they come into our lives. We lie down at night for sleep, only to have our minds influxed with possability and creativity that we didn't know was there. I'm thankful to have found someone a fan of my writing!! Especially when I very much reading yours as well.

Those were also my favorites.. it took a few frustrating minutes to come up with that transition.. but I wouldn't change it for the world now. the rest of the poem may need touch ups down the road, but tose three lines can trust to stay as they are.

That is what I love about writing.. even if you arent any good, you will eventually create something beatuiful if you keep writing. "Even the blind squirrel gets a nut now and then"

[Anna]

The lines seemed effortless. Well done.

[Chase]

Thank you very much miss :)

[Mazie]

I really enjoy this piece :) I will say it as others have, a very peaceful atmosphere. In a few lines, it almost sounded a bit shakespearean ;) beautifully written, though I admit I didn't get the sardines part XDD kinda made me chuckle, but I just assumed it was portraying the randomness and vividness of dreams. Sometimes I'm conscious enough when I am dreaming that I begin to dictate what is happening lol Anyway I really liked it :)

[Chase]

Thanks very much hun:) heh.. i know how much you love your Shakespeare ;D And the sardines part is so obvious!! I even gave you a verbal clue. PEANUTS!! When do peanuts fly? PLANES! Yes, i lucid dream every week. Its exhausting. Feels like you didn't even sleep.. when i rarely get enough anyways haha. Im glad you enjoyed it, thank you c:

[Tessa Danielle Guise]

Amazing piece of work Chase.. So who was this poem inspired by??

I really though it was beautiful.. keep up the hard work. :)

forever and always,
Tess

[Coral Fang]

The dreamers dream....Chase, this is beautiful! I think the title is perfect, I wouldn't change it but that's only my opinion. Short and sweet...but yo'll have to explain the sardines and peanuts thing to me :p

[Chase]

Silly sweet Coral... haha I really apprecaite the kind words you bring to me. Especially being that you inspired this piece!!:)