Gripping

My life hasn't been 'True' for years.

I have tried to move  

memories and emotions

that held me down.

I am a believer in dreams

But when I look in the mirror....

I don't believe.

I can want 

what I want, 

but it ends in misery.

I try to live right.

Yet, I am killed

 Mentally and Emotionally. 

Though, I survived 

I am far from 

Alive. 

Sometimes, I think.

I have 'Truth'' 

Till, I realize that it,

 was just lies.

I don't trust people, not myself, 

God. Angels. Spirits. Heaven and Hell alike. 

I became angry and hateful.

Guilt continues to poison me. 

The only form of Hope and Light 

Was from the image of our relationship.

 Before I found out 

That too, was a lie. 

Another blow 

to my heart and soul. 

And once again

I am lost in lies. 

Every hand that reaches out, 

Is just a helping hand to my grave. 

No one wants

...to pull the trigger.

In hopes.  

 I do it myself. 

No other, 

 pays the piper. 

I know its a cruel world, 

but is it that damn cruel?

That here

... lies  'No Hope"

Makes you wonder, 

whats more darker. 

No hope or false hope. 

What did I do, 

...or did not do?  

I thought separating myself from wolves 

would keep me safe. 

But its only when I left the pack, 

that I became sheep. 

This is my conviction.

To live forever in misery. 

Just when I think I understand....

I do not ask for pity. 
I do not care for help. 

Because if God cant help me. 
No one can. 

I just want the tears to dry. 

My heart to beat and my soul to dance.

Under the blue bright sky. 

You were my only

 Hope and Light. 

But you are gone. 

I hold on to nothing. 

So why am I still breathing..

Can you do me favor. 

Place the gun in my hand so that I can 

help myself. 

Either "way", 

Its going to be

... a hard way out.