Love Stop

(Dramatization of 3/28)

Emotional Breakdown:

I got the closure that I needed today. I felt what I needed to feel. It hurt more then one could torture. Almost broke down crying with everything I was going about doing. Everything that I have written was written for a purpose, a reason, in which, was out of some truth of "True Love". I have come to know, that maybe it WAS just truly out of my own, stupid head. Who knows? All I know is what I know now. And it is enough, to end these feelings for Christian and My Blue Eyed Angel. I have no will or truth to write my book or even to start it. For it was all just a dream. 

The only truth to this "Dream", was the love I had/have for Christian. And the truth of what I know his soul to be. (Blue Eyed Angel). If I continue on such dream, I will only allow myself to feel pathetic. Nor am I that kind of 'Woman' to do so. My heart and Soul shall put an end to these feelings. 

As I asked my soul and heart to do, will you lay in peace. & let my feeling go cold. For I am no longer, that open to the world no more. 

Lord help me why won't you. Save my soul. Take my life. 

I am done living in such a cruel world, with nonsense dreams and heart aching feelings. I rather walk as a monster. 

What was the purpose to all this, when in the end, I am the one left to be laughed at, used and abused. How could I allow such things, such non-sense? Believe in what? In all the pain, that love and dreams have to offer and give. What gives me the right to take people out of misery and subject them to TRUE MISERY, when 'Love' fails?

I do not wish to be like everyone else, nor live like the most. 

I Rather Die....

Shall you know this..

This is the end of this nonsense. Of all this nonsense. 

I never had enough evidence, to feel otherwise. This has always been what was 'Reality'. 

(Dramatic Realization)

Later that night:

 It hurts, to think that Christian, never loved me as I love him. The thought and seeing it, KILLS me. 

"...I love you Christian", But I know you don't. 

.."Why do you think that?"...

"What's there to love?"

.."What? Your bombdastic..."

A conversation, I took way out of content. 

I feel like I am dying over and over again. I want to cry, but I can't. If I cry, I am afraid I will seek death, instead of waiting, for God to save me...

Needing Christian is just not an option. 

It was never an option,..

"We will never be more than just friends,.."... 

Oh God, how stupid, and insanely PATHETIC did I look. I should have stopped my feelings, my thoughts. I should have stopped. Before It got this far. This painful. I feel nothing, as easy as 1, 2, 3. SHUTDOWN. 

T.O.D.

23:13