Closer To Home

...As the days turn into weeks, and the weeks turn into months, I sit here and listen to the same playlist, over and over again. The songs, where the words, tell the 'Love story", in which warms my heart, and ignites my soul.  True conversations sang and meant only for my Blue Eyed Angel and me. Now that Christian Is gone, my lost days & nights, are subjected to "Staying loss". When Christian was around, every loss night or day, was he to be my 'Getaway', but a spiritual/emotional 'Come Back'.  With Christian, all my sorrows, and pain would not necessarily go away, but no longer 'Hurt'. Around Christian, my soul found 'Comfort' in his presence. I could sit in silence and be content, but most importantly, feeling 'Complete'. 

...My soul found shelter under his wings, so strong, so great. All my problems, that of big, left too little. No tears would want to fall, no 'weakness' left in my bodies, brittle bones. Only strength was a given. Only confidence was for taken. He was everything I needed to rebuild my soul, to its rightful, 'Immortality. Shielding me from the world, he accepted my presence, every time I needed him. It was if he knew, and heard my silent cries. That alone, I could feel his wings, expand, and welcome me home. The security, protection, the comfort, & acceptance. The love and life, Christian provided my soul, was that to what I best describe 'Home' to be like. As for me, feeling this and knowing this, Was important because, for 27 years of my life, I had no place to call home. Till 'He', showed me the way and opened his door. Christian, 

................."My Home Sweet Home"........

This playlist, I have, was made over a period of time, as difficult as he was at times, I was able to get some songs he listened too. Anything of Christian would do for me. I thought maybe if I can not run to him. I could listen to the tunes, he played for himself. I knew, music to be important to him, as it was to me. So, any music of his, would be 'music' to my ears. All though those were my initial thoughts, the music that he gave me, struck more cords in my heart, then I knew to even have. The words, the feelings, the meaning, to each song he gave, I cried. A comfort, to that feeling I had when I was with him. That feeling of 'Home'.

....Oh, how I missed him so. My heart ached, for the longing it was beating for. 

I knew from the first song he gave me, my physical absence, was an acceptance, and loss of my home away from home, but I found that the songs, would be my soul's way, of being that much 'Closer to Home'. There it was, my playlist made. Songs, that spoke the words, I knew only he and I would crave. Thank you 'Music God'. I knew my appreciation of tunes, wouldn't go unnoticed, as I'm sure Christian would agree. Music bringing us closer, as two next to one, Our hearts, near our lungs. Our voice, to our vocals. Our soul, to its body. As the tunes keep repeating, Both our souls stay igniting. 

......I was addicted for more, ...More music. More of Home. More Christian.

My blue Eyed Angel, I know you feel my cries. I still long for 'Home', only our heart provides. I miss you every day and cry every night. Though thanks to the songs, I fought, and hoped for when requested. Saves me in the 'Now',  however in vain, while in your absence. I thank you once more, and appreciate, such love given, for my childish 'need of dependence', Although, you should know, still it gives me life, when I seek no longer to "Live". & shall you always remember...

......."Your Songs Save My Life".......