Thy Love Acknowledge

If only...

I am hurting. All I can think about is all the time, I wasted. Why was I so scared, of something so wonderful, so beautiful. I know why I stayed my distance, even though it was to ensure our future, It makes the now, so much harder, to not have regrets. And for me, regrets, just don’t exist in my life.  That morning, That I came to spend time with Christian, He got into the driver's side of his truck, asked me "what's up"? I have to go to work in a little bit", Instead of tucking my tale. Do you know what I should have done, I should have jumped on the passenger side. & this is what would have happened.

 

"What are you doing, Don’t you have to be with mom and dad"? With a serious, somewhat smart attitude, comment. While he pretends to fiddle with his truck on the passenger side.

 

"I have time, take me for a ride with you,", I would say, staring straight his way.While he avoids eye contact.

 

He would shrug, say nothing at all, Start his truck, Put his arm behind the chair, to look back while reversing, but instead, He puts his arm behind the chair, turns to meet my eyes, with his. In that split second, we would exchange, our lights of brown,  and blue. He would smile, this goofy smile, and roll his eyes while turning his head to back up.  I would smile, and let out a little giggle. Watch this beautiful man, in the lightest of blue morning sky, hear the rumbles of his car engine, as to tell the world, Here we are.  Together.  All the while, holding my smile, and his although slight, his smile is just as big, as his heart would have been at that moment. In reverse, to drive, left away from the world, that kept us part, He would roar his engine, and drive, off into the clear streets, of our home away from home. Together. 

As he drove, he looks in his rear, & to his front not looking ever directly at me. A traffic light, we will stop, For the min or two on red. I slide over, ..

 

"What are you doing,". He would say in a deep serious although hesitant voice. While he puts his truck onto drive.

 

"Shut up!" I say, adjusting myself, close to his side. Snuggled under his arm, the one on his right, which hand lays on the gearshift, while the left hand on the wheel, His eyes, focused on the laws of the road, He drives on.  Knowing he can not move, or avoid, my touch. I take that time, to wrap my arms around this "Beautiful Man", something I have longed to do over the past few years, and never knew how bad till then. Hands wide open, all fingers  grip wrapped around his torso. I rest my chin on his shoulder, lining his jaw line, with my eyes, smiling at his fuzz, of an unshaven mans, beard to be. He catches a glimpse of my eyes and smile on him,  He Smirks. As I lean into his neck, closing my eyes, I grip tighter around his torso. Feeling his skin on my face, feeling as if I belonged. (Home). I thought silently. (This is where you belong) He thinks sternly. With more roars of his engines, I could feel his heart race, and feel the strength, in him to contain his insides, to keep his calm, and collected attitude. With his thoughts running through his mind, His jaw tightens, and his eyes become, sharp. I know him to be angry, though, I feel his sadness, as I do to..

 

"Christian", I say lightly but clearly,…

 

He says nothing….

 

"Christian!", I say once more, this time, louder, and more demanding. He takes a quick look at me, as he roars the engine once more, closer to our home away from home. He smiles, and gives me those Angelic Blue Eyes, No longer sharp, or dark to their blue, His jaw, no longer thinned, or clenched to its lining,  though he did not voice his acknowledgment out loud, I knew with his silence, stare, and expression, He heard me. And I felt his acknowledgment,…What was he acknowledging, you wonder? Well, the beauty of it all, is that at that moment, I was acknowledging him,  that I was not doing for him, when needed, By saying his name, as he has made me do a thousand times, He tucked his tail and gave in this time…What did he give into? You ask.

 

. He gave into our Love...

 

Though it was a short drive, lasting maybe only 10 min. Those 10 minutes would have been a lifetime of "Memories" & "Love", shared. & another "Real life lived", between two people, living a life, outside to that of the real world, that awaited us and aided in keeping us, our world, most importantly our love,  away, only to be longed for. To that of dreams and fantasy.  But never to be Lived, in "Real" time. Subjecting us, apart sentencing both, living, but never to be "Alive". 

 

As he parked, I rush out, back to reality we both go, walking away he watches me go….. As he always did.

Watching him there, saying nothing, as I walk away…….. As I always did. 

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[TheOne&Only]

Sorry about any grammer errors...