1

Pancha is chosen as a potential reincarnate.

Pacha stood hunched nearly into a ball to keep herself not only warm but from towering over the rest of the children.  In this night of the first selection she felt her head more secure upon her neck the further she tucked it into her chest.

Rain poured down in sheets as the Processors made their way down the line of younglings shivering in the frosty bite of the wind.  These minions of the Grand Priest moved swiftly through the night, black on black, with only the occasional shock of brown when a hand darted out to grasp and turn young chins this way and that before dropping back beneath long cloaks. 

Concealed beneath her furs, Pacha desperately cast a thousand wishes that she had been born before the last Reincarnate died.  Then she would not be standing here, in this soaking line, awaiting jurisdiction with the rest of those unfortunate enough to be born only thirteen sun-cycles ago.

The winds swept her hood from her long white locks, whipping them about her neck.   Her strange looks revealed to all, the beady black eyes of a Processor pierced her own.  She heard her mother’s excited gasp as the Processor dropped a child and marched over in her direction without sparing the other children a glance on the way.  She quickly bundled her hair in her hand and thrust in beneath her cloak.  Pacha hunched her shoulders further and stared at the muddy ground, at the fur of her boots, at the laces on the other children’s boots, at anything but the man suddenly standing before her.

Despite her best efforts, his icy fingers brought her gaze up to meet his.  And just as she had forever dreaded his eyes betrayed both recognition and excitement.  The luminous flakes which lined his lids only enhanced the effect of their widening, and the piercings on his lips quivered in excitement as he called out to his counterparts.  Each cloaked figure swiftly gathered round him, spraying mud up with their heels as they ran down the village’s poor excuse for a road.  In the Deity’s tongue they hissed at one another below the howling winds, unhooding her against her might and prodding her and turning her about this way and that until satisfied that they indeed had found the one they had been searching for. 

Numbness crept from her skin into her heart as what appeared to be the Head Processor stepped forth from behind the first one and grabbed her hand in the icy grip of his own.    Her mother’s hold on her shoulders loosened, but her fingers still dug into the cloth of her shoulders until the Head Processor tore her away and brought her forth several feet from the line of children, so that she stood apart from them and their families.   

Pacha cursed her mother’s compliance, feeling suddenly bereft of a family and betrayed by one at the same time.  Pacha was the goat raised to be slaughtered, but this day she had fought and ignored and cast aside her whole life until it had finally come to blow down her little home here in the farthest, fifth farmland.

She remembered the day her village priest told them about the upcoming selection.

“Two of you will be Chosen,” he had said, casting his eyes upon the crowd of the pure gathered before him under the shelter of the holy temple.  Most of the crowd made up of children ranging from seven years old to fourteen year olds, although only a few of the latter remained “pure” and unmarried in the village by this late stage in their lives.  “Today, boys sit with girls, but come the Selection Process you shall be separated as our great ForeFather and ForeMother initially were.”

“Why us?” Pacha had cried out. 

One of the younger ones stared at her.  “Because you look funny,” he said blithely.

“To be chosen is an honor” the old priest chided.  “You are all privileged enough to be born after that last Reincarnate passed.  To play host to his or her godly presence is nothing short of miraculous.  And to finally have a Reincarnate from this village will bring much reward to your people.”  And here he simply stared at Pacha, engraining the burden onto her.

Despite what the priest had said, and how he had stared at her expectantly, Pacha had held onto a small string of hope that she might not be taken from her home.  For what the children and indeed the entire village knew and yet would barely whisper about was the shame that accompanied a falsely selected child.  But that hope blew away in the wind off her little mountaintop, carried up and away from her in the same current which betrayed her looks to the Processors.

She had prayed and prayed that these men of the Grand Priest might sense, with their closeness to the gods, her utter lack of holiness and simply… leave her alone.   But as they turned her head this way and that, and peered at her closely, she saw in their eyes fierce conviction.  They had chosen.

And so her heart dropped.  She panted and cast about desperately for help, but the Processors held her in place, murmuring with soft voices in the usual clipped clicks of the People’s dialect.  In her peripherals her neighbors and friends soaked their knees and bowed their heads, one by one dropping to the mud in reverence of the newest Potential. 

“Mother!” she screamed but her mother only stood rigid, a series of unrecognizable emotions flittering across her sun-hardened and work-weary face.  Then in silence, she too knelt to the ground and bowed.

“Father!” she belted desperately, but the wind caught her voice and cut it off mid-air.

A Processer took hold of her shoulders and whipped her around to face the pack of them, and another’s gentle hand lightly pressed against her nape until she tipped her head in forced reverence at the four figures.  Tears mixed with the rain in a stream off her face and onto her worn fur boots.  She dipped her head on her own in complete compliance, with the same compliance that her mother had pushed her away, and the hands forcing her to stand and bow released her. 

There in the rain, on the muddy main road of the humble stone village she called home, the inevitable had happened.  Pacha had been chosen.

Author's Note

Any notes are welcome.

Reviews

[M.M.I]

I do like this. It would be a bit more engaging if you included, even briefly, a little backstory as to what is happening. Obviously there is a person/ a people, being oppressed by these processors. However, where, why, or when they are being oppressed would be helpful in guiding the reader and captivating them.

[W.V. Bard]

Well I put this as the opening chapter to grip the readers, and later I kind or explain it throughout the novel...but do you think I should include a prologue or a different first chapter which gives more backstory, or simply explain as I go? I just don't want the readers to get overwhelmed with info!!!

[M.M.I]

Hmm well re writing is always a must for any story. I would probably add a prologue though; I think that's a good idea. I wouldn't worry about overwhelming, if you it is confusing or seems muddled, then people will let you know. I like it though; would like to read more :)

[W.V. Bard]

BAM I took your advice and rewrote it. Tried to do a prologue but turns out I'm not too good at those. Thanks so much for reviewing!!

[Horizon K.]

Very captivating first chapter! I'm so curious to know what makes hr different, special from all the others and what it means to be chosen as a reincarnate. Unique storyline & well written.

[Craig2591]

A good beginning. Lots of good description. I think you set the scene very well.

Third paragraph - "a thousand wishes that she had born before", should be, "a thousand wishes that she had BEEN born before"

[Rick Puetter]

Dear W.V.,

An interestng write. Greatly enjoyed!

Rick

[Tabitha t]

Far before her time, the people once called the reaping the Choosing, and celebrated it as they might a sacred and festive holy day. (this sentence seemed confusing to me, maybe from the reaping and coosing part.) Also how did the town know or expect that she would be chosen? this fact didnt stand out to me so if you did state it you might want to expand on it. Beyond this.... this first chapter is amazing. I am a fan already and will go on to read the rest that has been posted. This chapter was a bit short but it might be just because I enjoyed it so much.

[Melody]

I like this, this is actually pretty engaging, but only near the middle where I was actually grasping what was going on. I do agree that you should have some sort of back story to it, but only so it will cure the reader's confusion in the beginning.

Your grammar seems to be in check, and so does spelling. You have an interesting story and an interesting way of telling it, so I shall continuing reading.

[.quan.011.]

I do like it. It is a good opening chapter as it engage the reader. It can a little confusing, but I understand why. You want to draw the reader into the story. You might want to put little more information so the readers not completely in the dark. That's all. Overall very well done.