Far Away

Just an ode to the futility and hopelesness we feel sometimes. That feeling of being so small, insignificant, incapable...

 

When I touched the sky
The clouds seemed to drift away
From my fingertips

 

When I kissed the sun
The amber flames seemed to die
Darkness touched my lips

 

When I picked a rose
Petals fell to golden grass
Golden—nevermore

Author's Note

Sometimes no matter what we do, we feel like we accomplish nothing. Like the Universe is purposefully avoiding us. Nothing we do really gets us anywhere.
What a terrible feeling.

Reviews

[PianoandPage]

archgh. why did i read this? lol. now i am depressed. lol. no, in a good way. you really capture the "universe is against me" sort of feeling. the way that as we are the only unique perception of reality, our feeling of incapability affects our environment.

[distefano 401]

beautifully depressing. you did a great job expressing the feeling of failure or insignificance. nice write!

[Orlando Murcia]

I loved this bro,
it was said in no better
words than this , I am going
to add this to my libary

Great work bro!!!

Orlando

[emmajoy]

Beautiful, brief, finely formatted and, baring the inner spirit.

But think this way ... you DID touch the sky, you DID kiss the sun, you DID pick a rose. Wouldn't life be far worse if we couldn't do any of those things? It's like the saying 'better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

Is that insensitive? Hope not.

Thank you for sharing. :-)

[Kena Dawn Augustine]

Wow, very descriptive and palpable. I loved this poem, it was short and simple, but had your own personal touch. Maybe go to part 2 or draw the poem out more? Talk about the positive side, where you grasp the universe, and finaly become one with it? See it fully?

I don't know. Just a suggestion. It just seemed a little sad, and maybe if we solve it, it might be a nice touch. overall, very nice job. You write well beyond your age. I couldn't write that well at 17. lol

kena

[Mistral Bilgera]

it's a terrible feeling i agree.... but we only become losers when we quit trying! :)

regarding your poem, yes, it is a beautiful piece, short but able to portray the helplessness and desperation of futile and unsuccessful attempts in life... good job on that.

stay optimistic.. O for Optimist :)

[Sydelle Houston]

I think the worst feeling is not to try, which is an instant failure. If you can conceive it, and believe it, you can achieve it!

Good job as usual!

[Emily Elizabeth]

Its a terrible feeling alright.
But we can all achieve it if we really try.
And I think you have the power to make your dreams come true- everybody does!
:D
Lovely, thanks for sharing.

[Tai Chi Italy]

Yes it is a terrible feeling but it is only a feeling and it goes, unlike this beautiful expression of that feeling, whch is pure and accumplished art. Smiling at you, Tai