Clarity

I wrote this poem two years ago, after a breakdown. I discovered, that day, that there's nothing a good night's sleep can't heal. I had the same discovery last night..

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Sleep is suicide

 

 

A run-away

A one way ticket

Out of today

You lose your thoughts

And fade away

Leave your emotions

To lay, decay

 

It's like floating down into the light

Stepping into fantasy

Leaving all the thoughts behind

A bittersweet reality

A life of utmost clarity

 Into insane sanity

 

You wrap yourself in teardrop black

Hope the notions won't come back

You swallow the stars and plunge to night

The moon and sky have won the fight..

 

 

Quenched by your tears, you slumber...

 

It's Nepenthe for a while

It's clarity, with painted smile

 

It's a charred boat, sailing to the moon

An ocean lullaby which you croon..

 

 

Mending the chambers of your heart,

And quelling frantic butterflies

Awaiting sun, a dewdrop start

With every second, one more mile

 

So close your eyes

Forget today

Prepare yourself

To fly away

 

Reviews

[Emily Rose]

"Sleep is suicide." What a great way to begin a poem! You really hooked me with that first line and did a great job on expanding your metaphor. The only thing that didn't make much sense to me was the line "wrap yourself in ebony black" - ebony is a synonym for black so the line seemed a little redundant - you might want to only choose one :-) Also your use of the word "croon" is a little weird - what is crooning the lullabies? The ocean?

I'm impressed with how well the rhyme fits into everything, too. It doesn't seem forced or stilted, just natural. Good job!

[...]

. unforgettable ... this is a rare submission that few are capable of ... a rare humility ... very courageous and inspiring ... i haven't had that sleep in nearly three years now ... i think i'll look for it more earnestly ... maybe i'll find it ...

[Don Coorough]

Yeah, I agree with the person who said, "What a way to begin a poem!" Excellent first line that grabs the reader and impels them to read on to the end! The similes are all very nice. Well thought out poem, here! -EllisD

[Tai Chi Italy]

This is absolutely beautiful and is what I seek to restore my battered soul. If sleep is suicide, then I am dead to the world and I love it. Smiling at you Tai

[DRIVEN]

ah the cure of a good nights sleep....when the moon and sky have won the fight, Loved this!

[Emily Rose]

Ah yes, I like the updated version! The "croon" thing is definitely fixed but (and keep in mind this could just be personal preference) the idea of black tears is a bit... overdone. It also doesn't really seem to fit what you're talking about. Perhaps something simpler and less abstract - "blankets black?" It might be better to focus on the night, since night and sleep are at the center of your work. Great update, though! :-)

[Emily Elizabeth]

Lovely as usual, Cpt Jack!!!
I totally know how you feel. Sometimes both the mind and body get so tired, and both can be cured easily. The rhyme scheme is a bit tricky in some places, and uneven, but the poem itself is lovely. And most of the time, the rhyming is really tight and effective. The flow is beautiful, like a thought. And its easy to relate to. I had a breakdown too, and afterwards you're left feeling drained. This poem explains perfectly that moment when you're slowly slipping away into a sweet slumber, and you have no energy left to even care.
Thanks for sharing this!
XX MWAH MWAH

[Constance]

I like this. Very good flow and vivid thought-sharing, here. Sleep can indeed be a blessing some days. Some days, it's the best part. Nice work, and thank you for sharing.