Fear

You are trapped.

The sky follows you wherever you go

it doesn’t leave you alone

you are broken and trapped

the walls are thin but never fall.

 

The trees are murderers

they carry knives and spears

you see your reflection in the blade

it doesn’t look like you anymore.

 

The sun is a gas chamber

you surrender

you scream and you shout

but your flesh melts like wax.

 

The sea suffocates you

smothered by its silky cotton blue

you stick your fingers down your throat

not seawater but blood

drowns you from the inside out. 

Reviews

[CD Campbell]

The great thing about writing anything is that we can take whatever perspective we want and play with it. Some people are too literal. Taking a simple emotion and exploding the natural world into a darker entity that feeds that emotion is a interesting exercise. You could have just as easy done that with love and come up with something completely different that would have been congratulated. The only thing that I would possibly change in the entire work is the use of "like" in the first line of the third stanza. Take it away and the sun is a gas chamber. But! That's just my opinion and we know the old saying about opinions. Excellent work. CD

[olympiuslu]

Thank you, I am always looking for ways to improve so I am grateful for your comments!

[lessa (kenzie)]

SO very intriguing as well as thought provoking,
love the vivid imagery. awesome write

[olympiuslu]

Thank you very much!

[Zoya]

Gosh, that last stanza provides for a perfect ending! That's a very different conception of nature, one that's left me thinking. Nature sure can be deadly. Really like the idea! Great job.

[olympiuslu]

Thank you so much, I'm so happy to hear that you like the idea behind this!

[Zoya]

My pleasure

[Travis Gibson (poetic h..]

That was some perspective... It was an absorbing read! Now, I can't help but wonder, if life is a prison I optimistically accept, because I have no way to escape it. Mind blown! Great write!

[olympiuslu]

Wow thank you!

[Some Kind of Poet]

"There is no bigger serial killer than nature." I feel like you've grasped this beautifully with imagery that makes it seem as if wherever you go, no matter how secluded, you're being watched and haunted.
We never know when our time is up and to make me feel as if walking through a place I normally wouldn't think twice about is dangerous is a big up.

[olympiuslu]

Thank you so much I loved hearing your insight!

[Coyote Poetry]

Wow. You made the sky, trees, sun and sea become dangerous. They can if we are foolish. Very nice use of words. I did like this poem and thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[olympiuslu]

Exactly, nature is always perceived as being a beautiful and comforting thing so I just wanted to challenge that and play around with it! Thank you for your comments.

[Coyote Poetry]

Was my pleasure and you are welcome dear Poet.

[Alexa Apothic Red]

This is a very intriguing read... I get that fearful feeling from the beginning as if the sky is following you (many people say this about the moon)...

Correct me if I am wrong, but I feel as if some other reviews thus far are taking you at your word a little too literally...

The way I read this (just my own interpretation) gave me a suffocating feeling.. I felt like everywhere the speaker goes, there is so much fear in everything... if the most beautiful, common things about the world bring on this panicked state of dread, I wonder what induced this paranoia and fear? But there is no doubt that it sickens, nauseates, creates panic and the asphyxiating feeling of gasping for air and life.

"not seawater but blood drowns you from the inside out"

This line stirs up thoughts of self-made fear and regret... that it is already in your blood and a part of you and what gives you life.. perhaps there is a controlling/co-dependent element here? But also there is a feeling of heartbreak and pain within self that makes you so awfully troubled that there is everything to fear out there and no hope for redemption...

In particular the "trees are murderers" line struck me.. My mind instantly went to that scene in Wizard of Oz in which the angry trees come to life and start to throw apples at Dorothy for picking their apples. But Oz aside, this gave me this haunting feeling of walking through a forest and being ever on guard for the trees that surround you and their sinister plans for you and that their pursuit of you has changed who you truly are: "you see your reflection in the blade-it doesn't look like you anymore." I wonder if this fear is originating in the presumed ideas/intentions of others who impose them onto you and you kind of go along with it, never fully giving in, but knowing it is not true to who you are...

I could be way off base, but those are some subtle messages that I picked up on. Thanks for inviting me to read. As usual, I am a fan of your pieces. Haunting, painful, beautiful!

[olympiuslu]

Wow thank you for leaving such a thorough interpretation, I feel like you have grasped it perfectly! So thank you for taking the time to actually think about it and share your thoughts, I really enjoyed reading them!

[Alexa Apothic Red]

You're so welcome.. I completely understand that trapped paralysis-emotionally and what it can do. I am glad you found the interpretation accurate. :)

[G.W. Saitreux]

A very morbid poem. Although the short verse regarding trees is quite a familiar metaphor to any skier or snowboarder, the dangers you present the other objects of nature with are quite strange upon first impression. In some respect the horrific attributes you assign to widely agreed upon objects of beauty (nature) is oddly intriguing to me. An interesting read with a decent flow.

[olympiuslu]

Thank you! I wanted to play around with nature as nature may not always be beautiful, it can have threatening attributes too.

[wordman]

nature is there for your pleasure,all skies are beautiful no matter the weather
go back out side,take a walk in a beautiful meadow,watch the birds eat of the seed,
feel the warmth of the sun as god wraps his warm arms around you,