Playtime

Dark were her thoughts

pale were her cheeks

who would've known

she was counting down the weeks.

She liked to play with death

and death knew how to play

that's why it ended up taking her away.

Reviews

[barleygirl]

Once again, I have to comment on how you express yourself in an artful way, even tho your topic is a very dark one. I get tired of reading people who pour out their pain on the page, even tho I know they must need this release, but still we writers are wise to remember that our reading audience must be considered, since they are donating their time to be involved in our writing. Your poem is naturally rhythmic, almost like a limerick, which is kinda lively & in contrast to the sad topic (I like contrasts in writing). In this way, you present suicide as almost a celebration of release. I like it when suicide is presented thoughtfully, rather than mostly dramatically (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[olympiuslu]

Thank you for such kind feedback, I really appreciate it!

[Zoya]

Ooh, that's creepy. Loved everything about it. Great work!

[olympiuslu]

Thank you! I am so happy to hear that you loved it!

[Zoya]

My pleasure

[emipoemi]

Your musicality is a tad wonky in Stanza 1 Line 4, but other than that - THIS GAVE ME CHILLS! (in a good way). It's short and profound, and that ending is really drove it over the top. Well done!

[olympiuslu]

Wow thank you so much!

[emipoemi]

my pleasure.