Playtime

Dark were her thoughts

pale were her cheeks

who would've known

she was counting down the weeks.

She liked to play with death

and death knew how to play

that's why it ended up taking her away.

Reviews

[barleygirl]

Once again, I have to comment on how you express yourself in an artful way, even tho your topic is a very dark one. I get tired of reading people who pour out their pain on the page, even tho I know they must need this release, but still we writers are wise to remember that our reading audience must be considered, since they are donating their time to be involved in our writing. Your poem is naturally rhythmic, almost like a limerick, which is kinda lively & in contrast to the sad topic (I like contrasts in writing). In this way, you present suicide as almost a celebration of release. I like it when suicide is presented thoughtfully, rather than mostly dramatically (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[olympiuslu]

Thank you for such kind feedback, I really appreciate it!

[Alexa Apothic Red]

I love your lines and descriptions. This a great juxtaposition-darkness/death characterized as playtime/a player. I love that edginess!! Just like some other reviewers, I, too, really like the line "and death knew how to play." It shows our frailties, our inability to really control things when it comes to the laws of life and death. Death is finite and infinite at the same time. We are insignificant and powerless to its force. Touching piece-keep it up! I look forward to reading more of your work!! :)

[olympiuslu]

Thank you! Also I think you have grasped the concept behind my poem perfectly so thank you for sharing your understanding.

[Alexa Apothic Red]

That's awesome! You're welcome!

[BlackPrince]

This is such a deep and short poem laced with strong emotions. Your words have a truth and urgency to them that I admire.

Well done!!

[olympiuslu]

Thank you very much!

[Coyote Poetry]

The poem told a real story. You are right. Death always win. When you dance with death. You will take you home. Thank you for sharing the amazing poetry.
Coyote

[olympiuslu]

Perfect interpretation. Thank you for taking the time to review my writing!

[Coyote Poetry]

I liked this one and you are welcome.

[olympiuslu]

I'm glad you liked it!

[I Shred This Cabbage]

Sometimes life shatters us...however you can glue different kinds of glass together in complicated ways to make lenses with different refractive indexes and you can see the world with new eyes...love can grow from small beginnings and if you look carefully...wonderful poetry

[olympiuslu]

Very insightful, thank you for your comment!

[EDDAIDJ Badr Eddine]

nice , and i read thous words i can feel pain and fears so it's a good writing .

[olympiuslu]

Thank you!

[Amanda Hakes]

"She liked to play with death
and death knew how to play"
I found this line specifically profound. Beautiful.

[olympiuslu]

Thank you so much!

[therealtadkent]

Usually not a fan of rhyming poetry, but you did it so tastefully and somehow so attractively. Thanks for that.

[olympiuslu]

Wow, thank you for your kind words!

[therealtadkent]

Of course, love. You should have a ton more views and reviews. You're stellar.
I was on here for years (about seven years ago), but I went on tour for quite a while and got locked out of my account. I'm trying to rebuild and you're the first piece I read. I was glad for it.
Don't be a stranger.

[olympiuslu]

That is so nice of you to say, I really appreciate it. I am also glad to hear that you are getting back into writing again!

[therealtadkent]

If I had heart eyes on here I would've used them just now.

[Eric Pudalov]

Very dark, of course, but on some level, I can relate to it! I love how succinct and powerful it is.

Poems about things like suicide and self-abuse can be hard to express, but I really think you nailed it here!

[olympiuslu]

Thank you! I'm glad you think so, I really appreciate the feedback.