Existence

Existence

A Poem by olympiuslu
"

There is nothing left to feel.

"
You have more scars than veins
the only language you know is pain
the scars represent suffering
the bruises represent pleasure
together they are the perfect existence.

It's silent out here
the echoes of humanity can no longer be heard
the wind doesn't blow here anymore
you feel everything 
but there is nothing left to feel.

© 2018 olympiuslu


Author's Note

olympiuslu
This is just a small preview of a poem that I wrote! Not sure if it is any good so I didn't want to write too much. I am new to this and this is my first time ever posting any of my poetry publicly, I have never shown or spoken to anyone about my writing so I am quite nervous to share! Feedback would be helpful and appreciated to get me started.

My Review

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Featured Review

There are a number of writers on this website who express this kind of psychic pain, but to me, your expression is done in a more artful way, rather than being mostly dreary & depressing. You use strong imagery to show instead of tell -- the first rule of good writing. The first line is astonishing becuz of it's originality & intensity -- brilliant word crafting. All in all, you have nothing to be afraid of, since your writing is naturally straightforward, understandable, & relatable. You only have one direction to go with your writing: UP! UP! UP! (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

olympiuslu

6 Years Ago

Wow that is such a compliment, thank you so much I am so happy that you thought so!



Reviews

Even though the relation between these two stanzas is hard for me to grasp (given there is one) they both are individually masterful. Keep it up

Posted 6 Years Ago


olympiuslu

6 Years Ago

This is only a preview of the full poem, I am hoping to add the rest soon when I have looked over it.. read more
Jstmds

6 Years Ago

Great, can't wait to read it!
I am getting a victim of abuse in this one. Someone who's heart and spirit has been broken. Also, depression and that black void feeling it leaves us with. The poem is easy to read and understand loved it!

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

olympiuslu

6 Years Ago

Thank you Karen I really appreciate your comment! I loved hearing your interpretation and I am also .. read more
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Personally I think it's great poem. Each line speaking about painful experience and dark parts of life. I don't if they are tight together or not. But I don't think so they have to cause all together you pour out your honesty with great enotions.

Posted 6 Years Ago


olympiuslu

6 Years Ago

Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed it!
I'm a fan of these stanzas, I personally prefer no punctuation over less punctuation; such as your use of the period mark at the end of each stanza. I believe you are able to convey your meanings in a vivid manner and I hope to see more of this work.

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

olympiuslu

6 Years Ago

I will take that into consideration. Thank you for your feedback!
By preview, I hope you mean there's more to this than what you've written, because the stanzas are powerful respectively (beyond words), each one similar but at the same time seemingly painting different pictures and telling different stories - there's no real transition that ties them together. But the stanzas themselves are -wow - simply wow! They're thought-provoking and profound, and seriously not bad at all for a first-timer. Well done!

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

olympiuslu

6 Years Ago

Yes there is more to this poem that I have not yet posted and am still trying to improve. Hopefully .. read more

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489 Views
15 Reviews
Rating
Shelved in 1 Library
Added on January 23, 2018
Last Updated on February 14, 2018

Author

olympiuslu
olympiuslu

United Kingdom



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