Where The Girls Aren't (Where Are They ?)

A somewhat parodyesque song written about a friend of mine based in slightly exaggerated fact; at least at the time of the writing.

Where The Girls Aren’t (Where Are They?)

I bought a cheap guitar and joined a hard rock band 

all because I thought �" it’d be a real big kick 

I’d get paid a lot of cash and drink all the booze I can 

and score big after every gig with some crusty groupie chicks 

And now here I am just as I planned it

I’m up there on the stage with the lights reflecting off my shades 

my pockets are full of lint and I stink of Jack‘n’Cokes 

but not a single girl wants to come back to my place 

Where are they at (where they at) 

I didn’t think that it would be this hard 

it seemed so much different when I watched MTV 

so how come no drunken groupies want to go home with me 

I’m a a local celebrity that’s right I’m bonafide 

I’m grade a certified a legend in my own head 

I scoured all the pawnshops for the biggest amp I could find 

to disguise my lack of talent I just play as loud as I can 

Could it be a character flaw that keeps me drunk and lonely 

cause not even 14th street hookers want to get to know me 

I act quasi-intellectual but only talk of southern plight 

and the band doesn’t like to play the songs I try to write 

Where are they at (where they at) 

I didn’t think that it would be this much work 

it seemed so much different when I watched MTV 

so how come no drunken groupies want to go home with me  

What’d I do to deserve this blatant acts of disrespect 

could it be my onstage antics or the red color of my neck 

folks say they like the band but they don’t want me to sing 

cause when I try to do two things at once I always lose my place 

Maybe it’s about time for me to come up with a new plan 

I’ll show just how macho I can be get myself a darker tan 

work on aggression till I fit in with all this towns other jerks 

or finally get a confederate flag tattooed across my back 

They always chose the singer the drummer or the bassist 

could it be my lack of hygiene no wait that can’t be it 

the ugly keyboard player got a mediocre date last night 

maybe it’s the fact that I treat every one like s**t 

Regardless of the cause I need to find a real quick cure 

I have gigs lined up for weeks and a bottle for company

scrambled soft-core porn is really getting on my nerves 

every time I go to where the girls are they run away