3AM

3AM

The ongoing battle in my head wakes me up.

My immediate instinct is to check the time on my phone.

The time says 3:07am. The Sun is still sleeping, like the rest of my house and the neighborhood- except for those sad souls who fill their pits with beer and french fries at the local dive. For them the noise is temporary, but comforting. For me, there is no sound. Just silence.

The loudest noise of all.

The next night, I wake up again. The time on my phone says 3:04am. I read on Tumblr that when you wake up at the same time every night, it means some demon is watching you from the corner of your bedroom. I also read that the internet is full of lies and gay porn. I believe that statement more than the one about demons. 

As I lay awake, I feel a bit of stomach bile rise to the base of my throat. My muscles clench and I hug myself into a fetal position. I am aching for someone else’s arms to hold me.

I shut my eyes tight, trying to fool myself into reliving another body intertwined with mine.

Skin to skin.

Ear to chest.

Kiss to forehead.

Breath slow and synchronized.

It was basically only moments ago, yet why do I feel like I have been deprived for a thousand years?

He is far away now.

I won’t see him for months.

Life stopped for us only for a second, and then proceeded swiftly to divide us. I was not ready to say goodbye. I took you in, triggering my addiction. I indulged in you for ten days straight. You made my blood rush, my heart soar, my smile wide. 

We laughed and teased. We undressed and merged as one.

He looked at me and smiled.

Why are you smiling? I asked him.

I’m happy. He told me. 

You left my house at 3am every night.

However, I knew you would be back again the next day.

And the next day.

To grab me and kiss me like it’s been decades. 

To keep me warm.

To run your hands up and down my body as if reassuring that I was real. 

And then I quit cold turkey. 

The feeling sent my body plunging into ice water, somehow I survived. 

Why am I suffering?

What is our label?

We don't have one. I do not want one. Anything more would compromise what we have now. 

A name does not define us. What defines us is a passionate kiss, a gentle touch, a firm embrace, a deep lock of eye contact.

What are you doing right now?

Who are you with?

Don’t be afraid to kiss anyone else. I told him that. I meant it. I do mean it. 

Don’t talk to me every day.

But please do.

Every night at 3am I will wake up. I will roll over to your side of the bed. The moat you made has eroded. I will remake it for you. I will remember every moment of our time together. I will remember every kiss, every touch, every embrace. The night will be silent, but my heart will carry on the ruckus.

Author's Note

My first piece for this website! Go easy on me please haha.

Reviews

[Octavia]

This is really beautiful.

I really feel for the lonely girl in this piece. It seems as if she both longs for and fears the intimacy of her lover. She tries to tell herself that she doesn't (quitting cold turkey, don't be afraid to kiss anyone else) but it's a lie (I will remake it for you).

I really enjoyed how lyrical your writing was. Short, to the point, but still very emotional. Almost poetic. Over all quite lovely. Thank you for sharing.

[Sikandar Khan]

Nice Story Telling STyle.....
I Really Liked A Line Sun is Sleeping like My Parents
Then Other Line Is Internet of full of.....
Forst You Created a sitution of mysetery and little horrible of awaking dialy at 3 am tThen Story Proceeds In The Way I Liked You Give A Twist ts Due To Him.... Nice Sotry Ending ANd Romance Full Of Emotions.........

[Steve Ryan]

You had me laughing, then it got sad- very tasteful. Simple details and juxtaposing of opposites well-used to convey how we can be irrational when we're feeling like that. I liked it.

[Olivia Clune]

Haha sorry :P Writing is full of emotional rollercoasters isn't it?

[Steve Ryan]

Sure is. In fact, some may argue that's why it exists: as a cathartic mechanism.

[Olivia Clune]

If it didn't exist, I would have a very hard time expressing myself!

[Bare trees]

First off, you are a very good writer with a clear and concise writing style I envy.

I wondered why you awoke each night at the same time and wondered if some tragedy would emerge. Instead you smoothly ended it with more of a yearning for someone you loved deep down inside.

I must admit my mind wondered why the break-up occurred as there is no explanation. But this does not subtract from this fine story.

Welcome to the site and I'm glad I was able to review your first story.

Keep writing.

[Olivia Clune]

Thank you for your kind criticism!! :)