a history of lovers

If we put all our beds together, the ones we shared with others, we’d have one long sleep

A Mexican wave of a kiss

And I’d be the one at the end/roll off/fall/break my heart

 

I'd reach up for a hand to pull me up, caress my wounds but I am still laying on the floor, it's cold

 

(draft: work in progress)

Reviews

[Nicole Clarice Anna Wie..]

This piece is powerful. I can imagine you falling to the cold floor with a broken heart as much as I can appreciate it metaphorically. I like this poem a lot, however I shall try to be a little constructive since it states that it's a work in progress.
The first line may work better with the use of a semi-colon:
"If we put all our beds together; the ones we shared with others, we'd have one long sleep"
Overall great write. I wouldn't change much about it.
Cheers - Nikkie