Life Stings

Thank you to Gypsy Spirit Wind for the permission to use their image; find them on Facebook for more incredible images. "Pain Never Makes Me Cry But Happiness Does"

Life Stings

 

Pain and agony are trusted friends,

They comfort in a cold embrace

Hope stings the wounded soul, burning

In a heart where hope’s erased

 

Puppy breath and scratchy kitten tongues

Are the only light and warmth known

For the heart of darkness lives here

It will dare not hope for love

 

Hope dashed is the greatest pain of all

I told you not to extend it

Hopes are only made for crushing

Only darkness can live here

 

Fractured psyche screams the message loud

You know what happens when you trust

Rip out what is left of your heart

We protected it so well

 

You had hoped he was not really dead

Hoping your father loved you too

Remember hoping for love?

How many times must you learn?

 

Hope kills the fractured psyche inside

It rips you to little pieces

Molten lava to your spirit

Don’t you dare do it again!

Author's Note

Please forgive the darkness which lives inside of me; I could hold it in no longer!

Reviews

[Trigorin]

You have a good concept, but some of your language is a little cliche - the ending, especially, is particularly expected, and there's really nothing here to make this stand out against the gobs and gobs of similar poetry. If you don't mind that, then good on you, but if you do, I'd suggest integrating some sort of hook, something unique about this that'll keep the reader engaged and interested.

[Veronica Chandler]

I appreciate the constructive criticism more than words can describe. The last review you gave resulted in some modifications to the piece. Although I must say this poem is not a concept, but a piece of my agonized, fractured self spilled out on to page, in the best manner my uneducated self can muster. I do wish for my work to stand out and am learning as fast as I can; it is with reviews such as this that the learning increases and my pieces will hopefully improve over time in the eyes of the readers. Most important to me for now, is to stand bravely and put my work out here for world to judge these real pieces of my innermost self. I have experienced things in my life that would have most men crying like babies and putting my writing out in a public forum is the single bravest act I have ever done. In all sincerity...I thank you again for the thought provoking review.

[Brandon S. Whitten]

Ah, I recall the tears I cried when I said goodbye to pain and agony. Excellent read and write. Namaste.

[Veronica Chandler]

Thank you ever so much for the kind review...
Namaste'
As my head bows to acknowledge the divinity in you...

[emmajoy]

' Puppy breath and scratchy kitten tongues ~ Are the only light and warmth known ~
For the heart of darkness lives here ~ It will dare not hope for love '

Guess it's strange to write that, to me, this poem bleeds pain but with some strangely calm restraint. Perhaps its the tidy format holding your emotions at bay ..yet, there's so much hurt and bewilderment for you, for your son. I feel you want to say more and more although tis powerful and courageous writing. i'd hug you if i could.

[Veronica Chandler]

Thank you dear Emma Joy...I feel the long distance hug all the way across the pond! Just for the record, you are right, I did restrain a great deal in this piece...The "more" will have to wait for other pieces or an edit in the future, when I am strong enough to let more out.

[Hayley]

Ah yes, the darkness lives within me as well. If only I could learn from my mistakes!
I found the line "puppy breath and scratchy kitten tongues" very memorable.

[Veronica Chandler]

Thank You Hayley...I have started to embrace my darkness and integrate it into my consciousness; it is hard for I struggle with allowing fragility and being titanium at the same time.