Time

A Story by Makayla

Sequel to my previous story "Queen sized Bed"

My Love,

I sit on his leather lounge chair listening to his clock tick. Second by second, ticking away as if time was running out. He keeps asking me about you. Apparently I have some unresolved issues with our relationship that are causing me to have an anti social personality and unorthodox thought patterns. His words not mine. I don't tell him much, only the good parts. Like when we had our first dance.

We were so young, I pulled you to the dance floor as Christina Perri's Jar of Hearts was playing. You smelt like roses and smoke. I could feel your head nuzzled into my shoulder. You held me so tight I thought you weren't going to let go and I didn't want you to. I whispered in your ear. “I miss you.” my voice was shaky and my body cringed with the anticipation that you wouldn't want me anymore. “I miss you too. More than you'll ever know.” after you spoke, I knew what I wanted in life. I knew that we would not last through the summer and this would be our last moment so I did what I needed to do. I indulged in your lips. Electricity ran through my body as our lips locked with empty promises of forever.

This was when the dark time started, as he likes to refer to it as. That was out last night together. Our first and last dance. Forever promised me ecstasy but all I got was a headache and a hangover. Apparently, I don't handle loss well, who would of thought. I mean I only write letters to my dead lover who left me 20 years ago, if that doesn't scream loss issues I don't know what does. God, I'm like a physicists wet dream.

I read a book the other day, it was called The Best of Me. Its was about these two teens who fell in love in high school but were torn apart by outside circumstances, kinda like us but anyway, they met again about 20-30 years later at a funeral. The girl, Amanda was married with kids and Dawson had lived a life of solitude but they still loved each other like they were still 16.

I'd like to imagine that would have been us. Meeting and falling in love like it was the first time all over again. Except it was your funeral, that I had to attend. I was there when they buried you. I didn't go to the reception after. It didn't feel right. I was a secret to your family and I didn't know how to explain that what we were to them.

I did go to the wake. I sneaked into the room and shut the door. I sat beside your cold body and held your hand that once felt so soft and warm in my hand. You don't look the same, they put way too much make-up on you. I liked you better when you didn't wear make-up, you were already perfect how you were.

I closed my eyes and spoke my goodbyes. “I don't know if you can hear me right now wherever you are but I want you to know that I have never stopped loving you, dear. You'll live on in my heart for as long as it beats, I promise you that and I owe that to you. I hope you've finally found peace. Farewell, my love.”

As the tears rolled down my face, I kissed your cheek. I stared at your face one last time trying to memorize every feature so I wouldn't forget this moment.

It was raining harder than usual for May. The sky was dark as it poured upon us. The slight breeze sent chills to the unfortunate people without umbrellas. It was like weather was foreshadowing the tragic events of that day. I watched from afar as they lowered your chestnut coffin into the ground. The tears flowed down my cheek as I held back the need to climb into that box be buried with you. I will never forget that day.

I know that you will never come back, as I said these letters are for closure. I will deal with this over time and I will learn how to feel something for others again. It may take years, months, weeks, days. Who knows how long it will take for these wounds to heal. What I know is, that you wouldn't want me to be living my life like this. You moved on and I will to, in time but for now it will just be me here every week, sitting in his leather lounge chair. Counting the seconds on the clock go by waiting for time to run out.

Forever yours,

Belle