I've got a sinking feeling

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I made swift decline
upon the escalator
holding these rails, as I died
at the top, crumpled
my carcass, left to rot
I had tried my best
truly I had, but
gin and reform don't mix
petty dealings molded
my mind to mush...
what started as a fad
is truly a riddle, penchant
for the clerical
working nights at the library...
 
Thoughts homicidal, unbridled
became nasty and nagging
I'd vary in ways, follow for days
hitchhike all the way, to no end...
 
Nasty these habits, as the gin
got worse, it would impede
my course, weekly, monthly, daily
the pudgy, thin young, old, sick
I am told, there's no sugarcoat
for this, Gin slips like silk
these vivacious people
and their...
appetites.
 
Perfect match for my thirst
in an evening, at first
then I go for this Quasimodo
obtuse looking fellow
hanging around my health shelf
A mastiff this guy, my god
he cried, trying to impede
my thoughts...
 
IN MY MOMENTS NONE THE LESS
 
I enjoyed his torment, immensely
washed up
closed up
hit the streets of BE
like a pangolin in heat
prowling...
 
I didn't see the truck
till the final seconds
frozen in still stock
blinking...
next thing I know is
this escalator to Hell
well, I've got a sinking feeling
there should be coins...
 
no really...

Reviews

[Muse]

hitchhike all the way, to no end

maybe instead try:

hitchiking all the way with no end?
or
hitchiking all the way; without an end?

sorry..I just tripped on that part..trying to smooth it out for you.


BTW
I realized, this is no stairway to heaven. I love the deep-dark-sinking imagery you paint. I felt regret in your words...you know the path chosen was wrong..but its a familiar path..so you continue towards the inevitable.

Nice work!

[Souladareatease]

Thank You so much CL...this was one of those "insta-writes" Shat out of the tongue with a story in mind...but VERY limited time...so it was rushed and no time to smooth it out....."to no end" I am a sucker for that turn of word...in my head it always sounds more proper to me......too many bad british shows growing up...it's a layover ...many of those little isms will creep up with me :) im a dork!!! this is one I MAY actually go against my rule and rewrite sometime with slow care instead of the hurry blur lol :) Thank You for the advice and kind words always!!!

[Muse]

focus on quality not quantity...that's what somebody shared with me a few years back...and since then, I try to follow these rules in my writing...and...I need to do this with reviews too "still working on that one" trying to be more constructive and less of a smart a*s.

[Souladareatease]

Never worry of such things....don't be proper with me ;) I wont take it wrong I'm a smartass by nature lol...it was time sensetive write....I had 15 minutes to write something containg 20 words within the poem...hence insta write hehehe

[Sami Khalil]

"petty dealings molded
my mind to mush...
what started as a fad
is truly a riddle, penchant
for the clerical
working nights at the library...

Thoughts homicidal, unbridled
became nasty and nagging
I'd vary in ways, follow for days
hitchhike all the way, to no end... "
An interesting write with some good dark twists of mind and habits forming to lead us to death and the escalator to hell. I like that term for that shows that hell have modern technology too...Great...:)