Preacher Judas

A man of gods drinks out of Judas' cup

In the Holy Place, stands

a preacher of God's Word

with charisma, he commands,

the shepherd's sheep herd, by

manipulation are they deceived,

believing him God's man,

for him they believed, 

until he revealed his poker hand!

The chips, he gathered up,

cashing in for worldly ambition

with the Lord he did sup

drinking out of Judas' cup

forsaking the Lord's mission

In God's place, is left

a shepherdless people,

left bereft, 

in this God forsaken steeple!

Reviews

[Frank]

L4-the shepherd's sheep herd, by, this line is agony and mutilates English usage, isn't a number of sheep called a flock, original to use herd but to what purpose

L11-'with the Lord he did sup' did sup is labouring to meet a rhyme scheme

L12-drinking out of Judas' cup, same again...you are speaking of Judas but then refer to him in the 3rd person, strange

[Stephen]

Thanks again for the criticism. You are right, I did labor to rhyme a little. as well as the other critiques that you gave. So instead of trying to force a rhyme, what is a better solution, and what would be better L12, instead of using Judas in the third person. Thanks

[Mr. Box]

This poem is a little bit difficult for me to understand, but I can feel the religious atmosphere the poem trying to deliver. It is a great work

[Stephen]

Thanks for reviewing. I appreciate the appraisal and praise.

[Sophy Freebirds]

geeee... i liked it.I am a religious person.And the way you co-related the religious with the current situation of world . it was quite brilliant.We drink out of cup of God still we defy him just like Judas did. Same happens with human beings we are betrayed by those whom we most trust most.Nice theme... :)

~Sophy

[Stephen]

Glad you liked it! I haven't had much inspiration for writing past couple of days and I wrote this one because this actually happened in my church. Thank for your appraisal friend!

[Sophy Freebirds]

:) same here. having a block now.... was a pleasure friend

[Sophy Freebirds]

:) same here. having a block now.... was a pleasure friend

[ZDMusgrove]

I am not a believer, but the poem is amazing all the same. Good work!

[Cool Girl]

Wonderful piece! I love what it's about:)

[DoormanDan]

The rhyming in this is good, it flows well, and it has nice, short lines. This is a good poem you've written here. Great job! :)

[Stephen]

Thanks!! I appreciate the appraisal and the praise

[wezev511]

Betrayal!
I struggle with religous themes. I love your composition though

[Stephen]

Thanks! I appreciate you taking the time to read it, even though it is of a religious context. thanks for he praise concerning my composition

[wezev511]

No worries...
and, just to be clear... "Betrayal!" was the message I received reading the piece, not a comment to you! ;)

[Stephen]

I know, betrayal was the message, I didn't think you were referencing me, haha