Sickening Part. 2

The second part of my story.

Today is the second hardest day of my life. Where did I begin? When do I end? Yesterday I feel asleep like a coma-long-coming. My mind bears heavy in the body it rests on, I think about how one day I will fall asleep or fall to the ground and never get back up. The doctor offered a bed in a hospital though I am not dead I feel like death and it hurts to breath. An IV in my arm would connect me to a machine like a patent with hope, here lies in my bed, no hope. I am me but will not be in a matter of time but who knew how soon this day would come. I lay in bed, it is six o’clock in the morning, outside a bus passes, birds sing to the sun. I would be awake in the shower getting ready for school but not today. Not tomorrow. Six turns to seven, eight passes like the traffic and nine comes unexpected I am tired beyond imagination but this is the last day I will sleep. I lay in bed awhile longer thinking about the inevitable in the days to come. What will I expect? Where will it hurt? It hurts now, so bad. The day is wonderful and life lives without me but I will cease soon and still I will be forgotten by those who are living now. My head soars above me like the clouds as I sit in bed. I get up slowly, in sombre sorrow my will to live has dissipated. I run circles in this train of thoughts for what seems like an eternity, alas I stand.

I go over to start my shower and get all my clothes ready. Jumping unenthusiastically into the shower I wash my hair, body, and shave in that order. The quiet echo of water hitting the base of the tub bounces off the walls and I watch the droplets splatter into a puddle that trail away to the drain and circle it before getting suck in by the downward motion of gravity. Depressing as it was a managed to get ready and leave the apartment without any further conscious thought. Walking southbound I glance back for the transit city bus to round the corner. Standing at the bus stop I watch as a mother drags her children too young to attend school along with groceries and a stroller, I smile at the boy walking proudly in front of his mom as if the security to an important political figure on the look out for danger. Despite my sadness this brings a smile to my face but as the bus blocks my view it washes away my look of enlightenment retrograding to self-pity again. Walking to the empty back of the bus I sit alone in the corner.

As the bus took off I watched the crack’s in the pavement as they snaked along the side of the bus. We had got downtown, I payed no attention to the ride here. As I transferred onto the other bus I started feeling a little sick, the doctor never said anything about me getting sick I thought back, but then again I had not let him really get a word in. As the bus turned a corner I felt my centre of gravity change as well. I was getting increasingly feeling dizzy, my stomach lurched, as I closed my eye’s to regain a feeling of normality. I rang the bell and tried to get off the bus but not in time, I puked on my way off. It wasn’t normal the throw up, it was white and filmy, the texture was thick. I felt better but had a headache, the people around me were looking onto me.

"Uh can you all f**k off." I looked at the with blood red eye’s, I saw myself in the window of a shop, they stepped back and started going back to whatever they were doing. Two police came up to me.

"Sir, is anything wrong?" I looked at them, they approached apprehensively.

"No, go away." I said quietly as I turned around, I felt a hand on my forearm, I turned back to see one of them man handling me, "Let me go"

"Uh can you come with us?" Asked one of them, I was infuriated, they assumed that I was intoxicated "LEAVE ME ALONE!" I yelled at one of them, becoming more upset I threw up again.

"Okay, your coming with us." said the other

"F**K OFF, I’M DYING FROM A DISEASE THAT’S EATING MY INSIDES" I started to cry at the way they were treating me, completely indignant. I stumbled away from the scene of puke and the two officers. Looking back they were looking at each other. I keeled over as one of them got on the radio. The other approached me again with his hand up.

"We apologise but we need you to come..."

"I am not contagious, just go away, I’m trying to go to school and tell my professor that I have week’s to day’s left to live okay? I mean unless you want to take me in and process me and have me die while there? I mean it’s unpredictable and in your care, how would that look?"

"Look, we’re just doing our job." one of them said after a long pause, there were onlookers but I didn’t give a f**k. I was infuriated and all of a sudden didn’t care. I was wondering what they were going to do, one of them went away and the other was busy on the radio. He came back and nodded at me which signalled that I was free to go.

I walked for what seemed like an endless amount of time and I had a migraine from throwing up. My insides felt like they we on fire, I was dizzy. I needed to find someplace to rest for a moment while I regained my energy. I stopped at a club and got a beer, since the police thought I was drunk no reason to disappoint them. Out side it was dark when I decided to cut myself off. The beats we pumping me up but I was still in no mood to dance but I felt great nonetheless. There were two beautiful women sitting opposite of me, I was looking at them staring at me, one was in a white top and a skirt, the other similar but with a tropical top, they were both blonds. I played with the notion of f*****g them and not living to regret calling them back but thought it would be indecent for me to do so.

After awhile I had enough of the scene I went for the phone booth and called cab. He asked me to where and I said just drive and I’ll tell you where to go. As he approached my apartment I told to proceed onward. He took me to this small park thet was just a couple blocks away, I went there to think sometime’s. As he pulled over I threw him a twenty and told him to keep the change, what did I need the money I had saved up for? I went to my favourite swing. This being summer in Canada even though the sun went down it was still pretty bright out. As people walked past walking there dog’s in sat in a jealous envy of there simple lives that would not have even rippled in the wake of my death to come so soon. I shut my eye’s and swung freely in the dusk, the pinkish glow of setting sun was burned into my cornea and made my spin when I swung making the illusion of falling continuously. As I was in my own little world I heard a voice softly say hello, I stopped what I was doing abruptly, sat up and looked around. A girl about 18 or 19 stood in front of me, I was embarrassed of the thought of what she just saw me doing. My face was hot with blood from the image I must have conveyed.

"Oh! Hey sorry I had a little to drink..." I said to her

"Well that’s okay" she said giggling "My name is Theresa" she said sitting next to me on the swing set "Aren’t you a little old for being in a park?"

"I guess so but I was just walking around, I sat down to think, you know? Collect my thoughts/"

"Is there something on your mind?"

"Yeah, a lot." I looked at her, a complete stranger. She was stunningly beautiful, out of nowhere she appeared in front of me and was perfect, kind, caring, these were my first thoughts of a stranger even though I was drunk I knew she was something more. I looked away.

"Like what?" she asked, should I tell her? What were the chances of me actually seeing her again?

"Just stuff, it’s all good though" I said with a smile continuing our conversation pushing the topic away like meat to a vegan. "Do you live around here?"

"Yeah, just a couple blocks away, me and my dad are having a fight. I just decided to go for a walk to cool my head, when I get back it’s going to be back to normal." she smiled at me and pushed off with her feet sending her backwards into the increasingly darker night sky than forward again "Where do you live?"

"With me aunt, we live..." looking around I read Ridgecrest Blvd. "Haha! About ten or so blocks in that direction." laughing I followed suit pushing off I swung freely letting my feet dangle below me. Over the course of those two preceding hours I was in mental turmoil, now I was as happy as I had ever been. She had no idea and I wasn’t about to tell her, pretending like the next couple days were as meaningless to the next person. I walked her home, we exchanged our numbers and as I was walking away she had text me, "goodnight" I smiled back at her and waved like I was a young child with a playground school boy crush. She waved in the same affectionate way. As I walked home all I could think about was tomorrow, I had no more time. These were the last days, it’s all down to now, I decided to cherish it for everything I got.

Many times I had walked down this street, going to the mall, to work or to the market. But this time was different, I had always walked on the side which my apartment building resided on. Now just across the street I walked, it was the same yet so different, I looked at life from a different perspective. The city lights shone through the darkness and a fog was echoing out in the domestic plots covered in grass and out-dated, rusting park equipment. The front lawns were shimmering with a soft coat of shimmering dew. I took my time, pacing myself, my head felt heavy. I watched cars going home from an extended day of work or out for recreation, golf or family nights. Stumbling I knew what was happening, not drowsy but weak getting weaker I felt queasy. My stomach was filled with phantom bricks, I dropped to the ground and keeled over on my knee’s. Again I was feeling those sensation’s and I was buzzed to top it off. I picked myself up and continued to walk home not letting my recent episode dissipate the mixture of emotion inside me. As I got closer to my apartment I turned to the left and walked in the other direction. I wasn’t ready to face my aunt, I wasn’t ready to go home, I wasn’t ready to sleep. So I walked on, maybe it was the alcohol. Maybe it was death, I really liked her... midnight was gone, I hadn’t asked her any questions that were personal but I knew so much about her. I felt so new again and I welcomed it, it was yet another first for me. I took my music player from my pocket and put it in for the first time in awhile considering that it was my life. The way my blood was rushing through my body and the way the sensations were so unreal I couldn’t help but smile. After awhile I drifted back down to earth from cloud nine and remembered that I would only know her for moments longer. An overwhelming grief made me tear and want to die now so no longer could I hurt the way I was. What was I to do? Love her and attempt to make her love me back? It drove me mad and I wasn’t going to waste anymore time sleeping because life was not literally to short.

-End of Part 2-