Chapter Fifteen

Before visiting Alice a second time, Floyd takes Miranda grocery shopping, reminding her of the old days with Alice.

Something bright and obnoxious glares into my eyes. I grumble and try to turn away, but something heavy weighs down my side and I flick my eyes open, looking around.

I’m still in my uniform on the couch, the sun blazing through a crack in the blinds and glinting off of Floyd’s golden hair as he lies, snoring on my side.

I take a moment to decide whether or not I should panic, but instead, I decide to wake him up calmly.

“Floyd,” I call softly, trying not to frighten him. “Maybe you should wake up.”

He remains limp and continues snoring, so I rest my hand on his back.

“Hey, Floyd,” I say. “Wakey-wakey.”

Floyd stirs, sucking in a huge breath and rubbing his eyes. As he sits up, he opens his eyes, looking at me for the first time. He gapes.

“Oh,” he says. “S**t. I’m sorry… You could’ve woken me up last night and booted me out the door.”

“Couldn’t have,” I tell him. “I fell asleep, too.”

Floyd shakes his head, sighing as he massages his temples.

“Well damn,” he says. “I feel like a loser now. I shouldn’t have had you bother with a movie if I was just going to fall asleep on it.”

“It’s okay,” I say. “We both had a long, hard day at work and were tired.”

“Well, at least it’s the weekend,” says Floyd, standing up and stretching. “Otherwise, we’d both be late for work.”

I open my mouth to speak, but my voice is cut off by the sound of a tinny song fragment, issuing from somewhere inside Floyd’s pants.

“Woah, that’s me,” says Floyd, reaching into his pocket and pulling out his cell phone, which he flips open and holds up to his ear.

“Hello?” he says, digging the sleep crystals from his eye. “Yeah, this is him. Uh-huh.”

I c**k my head, watching him talk. He holds up a hand, as though telling me to hold on.

“Oh, really?” he says into the phone. “That’s good… Really? Well, it shouldn’t hurt to give it a try anyway.”

I stand up and head into the kitchen, leaving Floyd to talk in private, despite the fact that I can still hear him.

“Wow,” he says. “Alright, well thanks a lot. We’ll probably head up there pretty soon, then. Okay, thanks. You too. Bye.”

I hear the click of Floyd shutting his phone, followed by footsteps as he comes up behind me.

“That was the nut house,” he tells me, sticking his phone back into his pocket. “They say Alice is stable, but she still claims to be having her little vision, even without the song playing.”

I frown, opening the fridge and gazing blankly inside.

“But it’s Saturday,” he says. “So visiting hours are any time before 8PM, if you wanna go see her.”

“Alright. But I think we should have something to eat before we leave. Oh, and I should probably change out of my uniform and make myself look as ugly as possible so Alice won’t freak out again.”

“Good luck,” says Floyd. “You’re not ugly. And don’t worry about Alice. Just go the way you’d normally look. But you’d better change out of the uniform, I agree.”

I nod, wearily and continue staring into the refrigerator with no luck.

“Why don’t you go change,” says Floyd. “I’ll work on breakfast, if you’re cool with that.”

“Sure,” I tell him. “Whatever you want to do. I’m sorry, I’m just still so tired. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

Closing the fridge, I stumble lazily toward my bedroom where I close the door and pull off my dirty uniform, tossing it onto a pile of laundry in the corner.

For the first time since waking up, I notice that my muscles are sore. Every inch of my body hurts, particularly my neck and arms. I groan as I bend over to rummage through my dresser for something else to wear.

Why did they make me work a full day on my first day? People should be slowly introduced to strenuous work so that they don’t end up aching everywhere, hardly able to move like I am now.

I uncap my deodorant and smear some into both my armpits before slipping into a t-shirt.

Just being out of that stiff uniform and back into normal clothing makes me feel quite a bit better and more awake.

I take my hair out of its messy ponytail and brush it out, pinning it back at the sides with a couple of barrettes as always, and then leave the room and head back toward the kitchen, where Floyd is leaning against the fridge.

“You need to go shopping,” he says. “What the hell do you eat around here?”

I sigh, frowning. Floyd is right. I haven’t been out shopping since before the catastrophe with Jacques and quitting my job and everything else that’s been piling up… I just haven’t found the time.

“Surely there’s some eggs,” I say, questioningly.

Floyd shakes his head.

“We used them all Thursday night, remember?”

I chew my lip.

“There might be some waffles in the freezer…”

Floyd shakes his head again.

“Have you looked in your freezer lately?” he asks, pulling it open to reveal a couple trays of ice, a microwave dinner, and a bag of frozen peas. “You need to go out and buy yourself some food before you starve to death.”

I sigh, looking at my feet.

“Come on,” says Floyd. “We’re going shopping. Let’s go get you some groceries. And let’s take your car, so we have room to bring stuff back.”

Floyd smiles, leading me outside where I notice that damned white car across the street. I have half a mind to walk over there and confront the driver, but Floyd tries the passenger door, only to find it locked, and so I get in the car and flip the lock on his door, to let him in.

“We gotta make sure you’re taken care of,” he says. “It’s obvious something’s up when you stop buying groceries. You don’t wanna end up sharing a room with Alice.”

Alice…

 

Some moment in time, long ago when Alice and I were teenagers together, living only a block apart, Alice had been saving money from her summer job.

She had worked her summer vacation bagging groceries for ungrateful customers who she was always kind to, regardless of how many times they insulted her speed, or complained to her about what a mess the store was, like it was her fault.

She said she just wanted to have money saved up for when she graduated, so she could leave home straight away and not burden her parents by sticking around.

During this time, I was bored and so lonely. Alice was the only friend I had, and when she was always away working, I would sit around the house and listen to my parents fight, or watch them ignore each other.

I watched my dad walk out and never come back, my mom crying herself to sleep every night.

And I had no one to talk to, because Alice was never around, and my mom was always locked in her room, sleeping or crying.

She stopped buying groceries, and I had no money to do anything about it, so I ended up going hungry.

One bright day, Alice was off work and she came to see me after all that had happened.

“Where are your parents?” she had asked, noticing that the house was in disarray and I was the only one who seemed to be around.

“My dad left,” I confessed to my shoes as Alice listened. “My mom’s been shut in her room for days. She only comes out to go to the bathroom.”

Alice’s jaw hit the floor as I told her this.

“I’d offer you something to eat or drink,” I told her, “but…”

As I opened the refrigerator to reveal a few slices of cheese and some condiments, I saw her eyes fill up with tears.

“Randa,” she said, softly. “You can’t live like this. This isn’t right.”

I told her that my mom was just grieving and that any day, she’d walk out of her room and we’d start over. But Alice shook her head.

“They’ve been together since before you were born,” she said. “Your mom is not coming out of this easily.”

I began to shake, as I realized that she was right. Mom wasn’t well. She wasn’t coping. She wasn’t eating. She would probably starve to death, and there was nothing I could do about it. I was going to be without parents and have to live on the streets with no one and nothing.

That was when I broke down. Alice sat by my side, rubbing my back and letting me cry until I had no tears left.

By the time I’d finished, close to an hour had gone by, yet she never said a word the whole time, other than to encourage me to get it all out.

“Don’t you feel better now?” she asked, taking me by the chin and turning my head to look at her.

I nodded, my voice drowned in an ocean of tears.

“Sometimes you just need to get it all out,” she said. “And once you do that, you’ll have a much easier time of things.”

Alice stood me up and gave me a hug.

“Now we have some things we need to do, don’t we?”

I raised an eyebrow, confused by her words.

“You’re both starving,” she said. “We need to get you to the store and buy you some groceries so you can cook. You need to make sure your mom eats. And you need to make sure that you eat, too.”

“But… I don’t have any money,” I choked.

Alice smiled, shaking her head.

“Don’t worry about that,” she said, taking my hand and leading me to the door. “I’ll take care of it.”

I stopped short, retracting my hand.

“Alice, you can’t,” I said, my voice quivering. “You’ve been saving that money all summer.”

“It’s just money,” she said. “I can get more. You’re my best friend, and I can’t ignore a friend in need, especially over something as stupid and selfish as money. Come on, now. We’re getting you to the store.”

Alice took my hand once more and dragged me out to her shiny yellow car, before whisking me away to the grocery store where she worked.

Before I knew it, my spirits had been lifted as Alice danced around the store, loading a shopping cart with everything she saw that looked good.

“You’ll definitely want some of this,” she said, dumping a couple boxes of my favourite cereal into the cart. “It’s totally a necessity.”

Every moment we stayed in the store, the cart got fuller and fuller until we couldn’t fit anything else into it.

“I think this ought to hold you,” she said, heading for the check out counter. Together, we heaved all the groceries onto the counter as the poor clerk scrambled to get them all into bags as quickly as possible.

When I saw the grand total, my jaw hit the floor. Alice laughed.

“It’s just money,” she said. “I can get more.”

 

“MIRANDA!”

I swerve, just barely missing a pedestrian who screams at me, flipping me off.

Heart pounding, I grip the wheel, shaking my head.

“Are you okay?” asks a slightly panicked Floyd.

“Yeah…” I groan. “I’m sorry about that… I guess I was busy thinking. I didn’t even see him there.”

“Well, to be fair,” says Floyd, “he was crossing against the light. It’s not your fault if he’s a dipshit that can’t be bothered to wait for the pedestrian light to click on.”

I nod, taking a deep breath as I pull into the grocery store parking lot.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Floyd asks again, as we get out and walk toward the entrance.

“I’m fine,” I tell him. “I just need to keep my eyes on the road and out of the past.”

As we enter the grocery store, Floyd grabs a cart from the giant herd near the doors.

“We’re gonna need a big cart,” he says. “You’ve gotta fill that refrigerator until you can barely close it. That emptiness is just unacceptable.”

“I’m not gonna go apeshit,” I argue. “I’ll just pick up the bare necessities for now, and then�"“

Floyd laughs.

“Come on, Miranda,” he says. “I’m not leaving this store until I’m convinced that you’re not going to starve. So you better fill this cart up nice and full. Come on. I’ll help.”

He soars into the store, riding the cart like a scooter.

“We’re going down every single aisle!” he calls, leaving me in the dust.

By the time I reach the first aisle, Floyd already has quite a few items in the cart.

“See? I got you lots of coffee,” he says. “Also some tea to help you sleep at night, and a couple loaves of bread. You can freeze one for later. And… some peanut butter and some jelly. Some honey for that tea… Anything else you want from this aisle?”

I sigh, shaking my head.

“Alright then,” says Floyd. “Shall we carry on into the next aisle?”

Before I have time to even answer, Floyd’s already scooting off around the corner into the next aisle.

After over an hour of pasta, meat, vegetables, oatmeal and more things than I can even keep track of, Floyd finally admits that we’ve got enough stuff, and together, we head toward the check out lanes.

As we haul our heavy cart up to a register and begin unloading our junk, I can see the clerk roll his eyes.

I smile at him apologetically.

Floyd heaves a million-pound bag of rice onto the conveyer belt, winking at me as he does this.

Before long, the cashier clears his throat, nodding his head toward the bags piling up.

“Oh, sorry!” I say, rushing over and lifting some of them into the cart.

Once all the groceries are rung up and the cart is overflowing with bags of food, the cashier grins sarcastically.

“Your total is $143.62,” he says, as though expecting a huge reaction.

Setting my purse on the counter, I dig around for my wallet.

“What’re you looking for?” asks Floyd, as I look up to see him swiping his card.

“Floyd Moss!”

He sticks his tongue out at me, signing his name on the digital screen.

“Have a nice day,” says Floyd to the cashier. “Ready, Miranda?”

“Why did you do that?!” I hiss as we pull the cart out of the store. “I could’ve handled it.”

Floyd laughs, unloading the grocery bags into my trunk.

“Let me pay you back!” I insist.

“Don’t worry about that. If you want to do something, then just cook for me, and I’ll call it even. Go get in the car. I’ll put the cart back.”

Floyd rides the cart back toward the store, leaving me standing there feeling weird.

I look at my watch, wondering if I should get something to bring Alice when we go to visit her.

A loud truck pulls up next to me, and I get in the car, stuffing the keys into the ignition and turning.

The car roars to life just as Floyd reappears and jumps into the passenger seat.

“Forward, ho!” he says. “Let’s go put all this stuff away. Then we can scarf some breakfast and go see Alice.”

“Speaking of her,” I say, “I was wondering if maybe we should get her something… You know, like a present to make her feel better while she’s there.”

Floyd nods.

“That sounds like a good idea. What did you have in mind?”

“I don’t know,” I admit. “I don’t really know what she’d want. I figured we could just get her something like a stuffed animal. There aren’t many things that you can bring people when they’re in there, you know. Pretty much everything is a hazard, so about the only things you can give them are stuffed animals or books.”

“Alice doesn’t really read much,” says Floyd. “So that’s probably not the best gift for her. She does have quite a few stuffed animals, though, so I’m sure she’d appreciate that.”

“Me too,” I say. “So how about we stop by the toy store real quick and pick something up for her? The stuff in the trunk isn’t going to spoil in the small amount of time it’ll take, so I think we’re good.”

Floyd agrees, and we head in the direction of the toy store, where we browse for only about ten minutes before I find the cutest little white bunny with a pink ribbon around its neck.

“She’ll like this, right?”

Floyd takes one look at it and nods.

“That seems right up her ally,” he says. “Are we allowed to bring her candy?”

“Candy’s probably fine. Do you have something in mind?”

“I saw a box of chocolates up at the front,” he says. “I thought she might like that, too.”

I decide it’s a pretty good idea, and so we hurry and grab the chocolates before checking out.

Floyd agrees to let me pay for the gifts, which I do as quickly as possible.

The clerk asks if we want anything wrapped, and we tell him no, thanking him, and rush out the door.

Once home, we jump out of the car and start hauling in the many bags.

“Why don’t you stay in here and start putting things away,” Floyd says. “You know… since you know where everything belongs. I’ll keep bringing stuff in.”

“Sounds like a plan!”

Floyd pats me on the back and runs back outside as I open the fridge and start piling things inside. What on earth was going through his mind when he paid for everything, I wonder as I heave the milk onto the shelf. This isn’t an emergency. I’m not out of money, and I wasn’t intending to go forever without buying food until I starved…

I doubt that Floyd would spend almost 150 dollars just to convince me to cook for him. Still, I can’t really think why else he would do something like this, unless Alice made mention of our outing that day so many years ago… And even then, it just seems weird to me.

I finish putting away all the groceries except for two packs of toaster pastries. I hand one to Floyd.

“Breakfast,” I say, sitting down and tearing my package open.

“All that shopping so we can have pop tarts,” says Floyd.

“Yeah, what was that all about, anyway? I mean, why did you pay for all those groceries? I could’ve handled that. It wasn’t a problem.”

“Can’t a guy be nice?” Floyd says, his mouth full of pop tart.

“Nice, sure. But you don’t just drop a hundred and fifty bucks on someone to be nice. What’s the deal?”

“You mean, did I have ulterior motives?”

“Sure,” I say. “I just want to know what you were thinking.”

Floyd sighs through his nose, chewing.

“If you really need a simple explanation,” he says, “then how’s this: I thought we could eat together while Alice is in the hospital. I had fun the other night when we cooked, and to be honest, it was the first real meal I’ve had in weeks. I know you’re bored and lonely, and I’ve been bored and lonely, too. I guess I just thought we ought to keep each other company. If it’s a big deal, I can just go home.”

“Don’t go home,” I say. “It’s not a big deal… I’m just not one to accept charity, and I felt like that’s what you were doing. I’d love to have you over whenever you want to be here. It’s just that… Well… don’t you think Alice would mind?”

Floyd tosses his head back, groaning.

“There are a lot of things that Alice wouldn’t approve of,” he says. “Just the fact that we’re sitting here talking about her when she can’t hear us would probably piss her off. But we’re not doing anything wrong, here. We’re friends, keeping each other company. In fact, I don’t understand why we couldn’t do this when she was around. Why shouldn’t we be able to hang out?”

“We hung out sometimes.”

“Yeah,” says Floyd. “But not often at all. And of course, it was always the three of us. Not that I don’t like being with Alice. I just think we should be able to hang out just us without her getting jealous, or whatever.”

At this, I laugh.

“Why would Alice ever be jealous of me?” I grin. “She’s perfect, and I’m just… Well, me. I’m not attractive at all, especially in comparison with her. And besides, she knows you’re loyal to her. Her being jealous is like saying that she doesn’t trust you.”

“Alice doesn’t trust anyone,” he says. “But I think the jealousy is more of a time thing. She wants me to spend all my free time with her, which is the main reason why I don’t really have any friends outside of work.”

“At least you have an excuse. I don’t have any friends just because I’m a loser and no one wants to be around me.”

“Oh, bullshit,” says Floyd. “If that were true, would I be here?”

I smile, halfheartedly.

“This is brief,” I tell him. “It won’t last. Before you, Alice was the only friend I had. And then she met you, and we stopped hanging out as much. Now I’ve only got you while she’s in the hospital… Once she’s back to normal, I’ll go back to being all by myself with no regular friends. That’s why I don’t want to get too close.”

Floyd looks at me seriously.

“We’re all friends,” he says. “You and Alice… You and I… We’re friends. We just need to make the time to visit each other. And right now, while she’s away, we have a lot of extra time, so let’s just make the most of it, while we can. I’ll visit you every spare moment that I’m not at work. And once Alice is out of there, I’ll…”

He trails off, looking at me, sadly.

“I’ll persuade her to cut down on some of the volunteer work to make time for us. For all of us, as a group.”

I nod, looking at my toes.

“Hey,” says Floyd. “Cheer up. Nothing’s going to change! Let’s just make the most of our time while we have it. How about we go visit Alice and then we can come back and make something awesome for dinner and try not to fall asleep on our movie this time?”

I laugh, rubbing my eyes.

“Alright,” I agree. “Let’s do it.”

Together, we grab Alice’s gifts and make our way over to River Ridge, where we sign in and wait in the lobby of building 4A for her to come out.

“She may be a little nervous,” the doctor warns. “Try to keep things simple and don’t do or say anything that you think might send her into a fit. Do you think you can manage that?”

“Of course,” I assure him. “I used to be a therapist, myself, so I know how to talk to them.”

The doctor looks hard at me.

“You’re Miranda Vasquez, aren’t you?”

“You know me?”

“Yes, I’m Doctor Morris. I had several of your patients in here! I also heard that you resigned. Why was that?”

I groan, resting my forehead in my hand.

“I had a patient commit suicide,” I confess. “It was quite a blow.”

“Yeah, well… that happens,” says the doctor. “But that’s no reason to give up your entire career. You had a lot going for you there. That’s just my opinion, though. Anyway, I’ll go and get Ms. Haab now. Take care, Miranda.”

He shakes my hand and then disappears down his hallway, leaving Floyd and me alone in the deserted lobby.

“I hope she’s doing better this time around,” he says. “If she freaks out again, I’ll probably end up joining her in here.”

“I know it’s hard,” I tell him. “But she’ll get better with time, and when she does, it’ll be like none of this ever happened.”

Floyd leans over his knees, burying his face in his hands and sighing.

“Look… Miranda…” he says, his voice muffled. “I need your opinion on something…”

“Sure… What is it?”

Floyd looks up.

“Oh,” he says. “Look, she’s coming.”

I turn to see Alice creeping toward us slowly, dragging her feet. She plops down on the couch across from us, looking at the floor. Something is different about Alice today.

Her hair is tangled and unkempt. Dark circles play around the underside of her eyes, and she isn’t wearing any shoes.

“How are you today, honey?” I ask, coming over to sit next to her. Alice scoots away from me. “Are they treating you alright? I don’t have to kick anyone’s a*s, do I?”

She remains rigid, refusing to speak to me.

“We got you some things,” I tell her, trying to keep things chipper. “Floyd, do you want to give Alice her presents?”

Floyd brings over the bunny and chocolates and sits down on the other side of Alice.

“Looky, looky!” he says, holding the bunny where she can see it. “We thought you’d like this one. What do you think, babe? It’s cute, right?”

Alice doesn’t move, or even look at the rabbit, so Floyd gently tucks it under her arm and then presents her with the box of chocolates.

“How about this?” he asks. “It’s chocolate! Doesn’t that pique your interest?”

Nothing.

It’s as though we’re not even here. If it weren’t for her breathing, I’d think Alice were nothing more than a wax model.

“Hey,” I say, nudging her slightly. “Is something the matter? If they’re not treating you right in here, you can tell me and I can probably do something about it.”

“Yeah,” Floyd chimes in. “She’s a shrink, after all. Let us know, babe. Is something bothering you? What’s on your mind?”

Slowly, Alice extends an arm, her hand balled up in a fist.

“What is it?” I ask, touching her arm. She shakes me off and holds out her fist once more.

“Oh?” I hold out my hand, into which Alice drops a crumpled piece of paper.

Before I have a chance to straighten it out, Alice rises, dropping her bunny on the floor, and begins walking away down the hallway.

“Hey,” I call out. “What is this?”

Pretending I don’t exist, Alice continues walking until she disappears around a corner.

“What is it?” Floyd asks, scooting over to me.

“It’s…” Slowly and carefully, I begin unfolding the paper.

“It’s…” I take care not to tear the paper, smoothing it out against the edge of the table, the way one would straighten out a dollar bill on the side of a vending machine.

Bringing it close to my face, I take a good look at it.

“It’s a questionnaire,” I say. “It’s… blank.”

Race: blank.

Occupation: blank.

Oh, wait…

I bend in close to see the tiny “Sex: M/F” with both options circled.

“Look at this,” I say, pointing it out to Floyd. “Do you think she’s questioning her sexuality?”

Floyd raises both eyebrows, his mouth turned down in one of those oversized frowns.

“Well, that would certainly explain why the bunny and chocolates didn’t seem to appeal to her,” he says. “And also why she seems to have given up on her hygiene. But it’s awfully sudden.”

“It is. I agree… Did she show any signs of anything like this before?” I ask.

Floyd drums on his chin with his fingertips, thinking.

“She did this whole bra-burning thing awhile back,” he says. “And started wearing pants more than dresses… But I just assumed that was one of her weird activist things.” He shrugs. “It could’ve been her personal way of saying that she’d rather be a man, I guess…”

I pick the bunny up off the floor.

“What should be done with this?” I ask.

“Just keep it, I guess. Wanna share some candy?”

Floyd raises the box of chocolates, shaking it slightly. I smile, scooting over closer to him.

“Sure,” I say. “Chocolate makes everything better.”

Floyd laughs as he tears the wrapping off, and together we dig in; two weird people in the middle of an empty mental hospital lobby, stuffing our faces with chocolate.