Dick Humphrey

The end of the world is brought on by cultural misunderstanding

Archival footage of a mushroom cloud from an atomic blast. The authoritarian MALE voice over starts.
           
Narrator (V.O.)
It all started in the Summer of two thousand nine in The Memphis Zoo in Tennesee with the birth of a male panda bear. As it is customary with all panda newborns, Naming a new panda cub was relegated to the Chinese Government.

INT. CONFERENCE ROOM- NIGHT
Subtitle: Chinese Cultural Ministry, Beijing, China

Dinky room is furnished with saggy brown furniture and a faded mahogany round table under one overhead light. No windows. The room is cloudy with cigarette smoke.
A half dozen old Chinese men, dressed in standard olive green Mao uniforms and hats that have a little red star on them, sit at the table. Silence. Their expressionless faces staring nowhere. Cigarettes are burning on ashtrays.

One old Chinese man takes off his hat, scratches his balding head. Everyone turns and looks at him. The old man, embarrassed, puts his hat back on. Back to Silence.

We turn to the old Chinese man number 1.

OLDTIMER#1
Ling-Ling!

Silence.

OLDTIMER #2
Mei-Mei!

We turn to the OLDTIMER #3 who clears his throat and spits on the floor before he speaks.
           
OLDTIMER #3
Mao-Mao!

Nods and approving grunts all around.

We now go to the oldest of all the members who’s been keeping quiet all along. He has an ancient face with long white eyebrows.

OLDTIMER WITH LONG WHITE BROWS
Dick…

Everyone turns to look at him, astonished.

OLDTIMER WITH LONG WHITE BROWS
Dick…Humphuree…
                                   
CUT TO BLACK:

We hear the sound of FIRE TRUCK and POLICE CARS whizzing by and SHIEKING OF WOMEN,     BABY’S CRYING, etc.
 
NARRATOR(V.O.)
Although it was a gesture of good will from Chinese Cultural Minister to name the newborn panda bear, Dick Humphrey, an American name, the news threw a panic in the deeply suspicious Intelligence Community of the United States Government. The tension was building quickly.

Stock footage of military parade, missiles rising up, V2 bombers zipping through the sky, etc.

NARRATOR(V.O.)
Then one day, it happened. The end of the world. Just like that…following scenes are some people’s last moments of their short, miserable lives.

INT. ROOM – DAY
Subtitle: Molly, 23, Receptionist of a pharmaceutical corporation. Called in sick this morning.

MOLLY, a very attractive, in her white underwear and a white tanktop sits against the bed on the floor, her legs stretched out. She holds a half eaten pomegranate in her hand. There is a big red stain on her white tank top and around her mouth. She looks like a zombie who just ate someone’s brain, but prettier.
           
MOLLY
Oldie moldy…

FADE TO WHITE:

EXT. STREET- DAY
Subtitle: Joshua, 28, Amateur Photographer.

Joshua is a bookish type, dressed in a grey wool sweater, blue button down shirt and mustard yellow slacks. He carries a bag pack. He is photographing facades of an old building. As he takes photos, we see what he is capturing: Gargoyles, angels’ faces, etc.
After a half dozen shots, he sits down on the stoop. Drinking his Starbucks coffee. He pulls out a black moleskin notebook and starts jotting down his innermost thoughts.

JOSHUA(V.O.)
I offer my opinion that now I can no longer distinguish between right and wrong- that not only right and wrong, but truth and falsehood, hope and
dispair, beauty and ugliness, kindness and cruelty, comedy and tragedy. They are all processed in my mind indiscriminately…

FADE TO WHITE:

INT. CONFERENCE ROOM- DAY
Old Chinese people are playing Mah-Jong with intensity. Clouds of smoke fills the room.
                               
FADE TO WHITE:

EXT. MEMPHIS ZOO- DAY
Subtitle: The Humphreys, Memphis, Tenessee

A badly handheld grainy video footage of a panda in a cage, eating bamboo sticks.
We hear the sound of a little girl off screen. The whole scene is seen through a video camera view finder.

HUMPHREY GIRL(O.S.)
Daddy I want ice cream! Daddy daddy, I want Ice cream!!

DAD(O.S.)
I’m shooting panda bears, honey.
           
HUMPHREY GIRL(O.S.)
Daddy daddy I want ice cream!
   
DAD(O.S.)
Not now honey. Not now…

Panda bear turns to camera. It shows its vicious sharp teeth, growling.
       
HUMPHREY GIRL(O.S.)
Daddy daddy. I want…

DAD(O.S.)
SHUT THE F**K UP BEFORE I THROW YOU IN THE F*****G CAGE!!

There is a BOOM sound.
           
DAD(O.S.)
(continued)   
What the…
                               
FADE TO WHITE:

THE END

Author's Note

Just having some fun. Not serious. If you want to check my writings out, this is not the one that represent me as a writer.

Reviews

[Alias Fletcher]

Who would of thought, (excuse my ignorance) the fun one can have with a screen play. But it does seem like a difficult art.