Racoon Puff

INT. RACOON PUFF HEADQUARTERS OFFICE/WAITING ROOM - DAY

We track from left to right, a long line of Asian girls in their best suits sitting in chairs waiting for their turn. Their expressions are collectively somber, and their mannerism, immaculate. As we pass the wall behind them, we see Raccoon Puff mascot: a sickly sweet version of racoon (Hello Kitty style) with a cream puff in its mouth. Interior is all neon colored and plastics.

We reach the end of the line and it's Jimbo Kochalka, 20 year old white college student with a haircut that suggests premature baldness and a tight suit that is two sizes too small for him. He is also wearing bolo tie with Indian Head insignia on it instead of regular neck tie. He constantly looks at the door next to him.
A pretty young ASIAN GIRL bursts out the door crying. She runs out of the frame fast.

INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
Next!

Jimbo is mortified. He gets up slowly, swallows soundly then goes in to the interview room. We track him as he goes in to the next door.
Unlike the neonlike waiting room, the interview room is more like a NYPD interrogation room or storage room at Arby's: saggy, water damaged ceiling, water cooler with no paper cups in its dispenser tube, A stained 12 months-in-one-sheet calendar from Big Wang restaurant featuring copulating pandas on the wall. a couple of big cement bags lay against in the corner.

MR. KIM, the owner of the franchise sits at the desk, cross legged. A big man with small beady eyes, he gives out an aura that says DON'T F**K WITH ME, SON. His interpreter MR. YANG, an old man with balding, forever wild morning hair with thick glasses, beer belly, bad teeth, thin limbs, in yellow jogging shorts and flip flops, sits next to Mr. Kim on a plastic chair. They both are wearing tight fitting wool short sleeves.
Jimbo uncomfortably walks in, finds no chair for him to sit down.

JIMBO
Uh...

Mr. Kim eyes Mr. Yang. He gets up and gives Jimbo his plastic chair.

MR. YANG
Here. Sit down. It's either this or the floor.

Jimbo takes the chair, puts it across Mr. Kim and sits down. Mr. Yang heads to the water cooler and leans against it. It gurgles. Mr. Kim says something in Korean to Jimbo. Jimbo obviously is not fluent in Korean. Mr. Yang cuts in.

MR. YANG (CONT'D)
He says where is your resume?

Jimbo produces his resume from his small brief case, hands it to Mr. Kim. He doesn't lift a finger. Jimbo awkwardly places it on Mr. Kim's desk. Mr. Kim is either looking down at Jimbo's resume or sleeping or in deep thought with his eyes closed. We never know. After a while, Mr. Kim says something in Korean and started laughing, and says something more. Mr. Yang follows his boss and laughs. Jimbo is totally lost.

JIMBO
(to Mr. Yang)
What did he say, what did he say?

MR. YANG
He says you are not the prettiest applicant he's seen today. He says why are you even applying?

Mr. Kim again, says something in Korean with more seriousness.

MR. YANG (CONT'D)
He says you are not even an Asian. You see those girls out there? We need someone like them-

JIMBO
(looks Kim and Yang back and forth)
But as you can see it on my resume, I have plenty of retail experience and I have a very good social skills, sir. And I have something those people don't have.

MR. YANG
Which is?

Jimbo's glance ends at Mr. Yang.

JIMBO
Balls. Tell him that. That I want this job. That need this job.

Mr. Yang talks to Mr. Kim in Korean. Mr. Kim nods with a slight smile.

MR. YANG
There are some qualifications for this job.

JIMBO
I can do many things. I'm super talented!

MR. YANG
This is Japanese franchise. So you have to speak some Japanese to-

JIMBO
(to Mr. Kim)
Arigato!

Mr. Kim starts to laugh like a mad man.

JIMBO (CONT'D)
What did I say? Isn't it Arigato? Thank you? Yes?

Mr. Kim says something to Mr. Yang.

MR. YANG
Listen. Mr. Kim is Korean. This franchise is owned by Koreans but is a Japanese franchise funded by Chinese.

JIMBO
I don't understand.

MR. YANG
You gotta go to where the money is, son. Everything Japanese is hip these days. So we dress our employees with cute uniforms and have them speak Japanese phrases.

JIMBO
What?

MR. YANG
Do you want the job or not?

JIMBO
Of course, I do. But that's very...

Mr. Yang starts sucking water from the faucet on the water cooling machine.

JIMBO (CONT'D)
...wrong.

Mr. Yang goes over to Mr. Kim and whispers something to his ear. Mr. Kim likes what he is hearing. Mr. Yang grabs Jimbo's resume and crumples it and tosses it over his shoulder.

MR. YANG
Look, normally, we don't do this but...

JIMBO
What the hell? My resume!

MR. YANG
Son, nothing on that resume that can convince Mr. Kim to hire you.

JIMBO
Why? But I'm super-

MR. YANG
Snowboarding is not a skill. Son.

Jimbo loses his cool.

JIMBO
I'm not your son, goddamn it!

Jimbo gets up as does Mr. Kim and assumes Tae-Kwon-do position. Mr. Yang tries to calm him down but Mr. Kim wouldn't budge.

MR. YANG
I just have to let you know that Mr. Kim is a black belt. And he can probably kill you with one finger, if needed.

Mr. Yang says something and Mr. Kim finally sits down. Jimbo follows the suit. Mr. Yang wipes his brows. Mr. Kim says something.

MR. YANG (CONT'D)
He says you got some balls.

JIMBO
I told you didn't I?

MR. YANG
Before you went all crazy, we were thinking about hiring you.

JIMBO
What?

MR. YANG
Not because of your fantastic resume but we think we can use you as our white spokesman.

JIMBO
Huh?

MR. YANG
In this cutthroat world of food franchise industry, we have to use any venues possible to attract customers. Since we have all those pretty Korean girls working for us, we are set on that market. What we need is some friendly white faces to fill up the gap.

JIMBO
You are talking gibberish man.

MR. YANG
Can you handle that?

Mr. Kim says something to Mr. Yang. They talk for a while in Korean.

MR. YANG (CONT'D)
He says he still has some doubts about you.

JIMBO
I'll learn Japanese, alright? I'll wear stupid costumes, I can do this.

Mr. Kim notices his bolo tie. He says something to Mr. Yang.

MR. YANG
What is that around your neck?

JIMBO
What, this? It's bolo.

MR. KIM
Bor...ro.

JIMBO
It's like a tie for Southwesterners. I'm from Arizona.

Mr. Kim says something to Mr. Yang.

MR. YANG
Are you Indian?

JIMBO
Funny you ask. My great grandmother was a full blooded Cherokee. And that makes me 1/32 Indian.

Mr. Yang tells this to Mr. Kim who shakes his head.

MR. YANG
No. Sorry kid.

JIMBO
What do you mean, no sorry kid?

MR. YANG
You are not white.

JIMBO
Of course I'm white!

MR. YANG
You are not white enough for the job.

JIMBO
Are you f*****g insane? Listen to yourselves. You are Koreans and you are pretending to be Japanese to sell f*****g cream puffs. And you are telling me I'm not white enough?

MR. YANG
No. Not white enough.

JIMBO
Uggghhhhh!

Jimbo gets up and starts kicking cement bags in the corner. Puff of white dusts rises.

Mr. Kim says something. Mr. Yang translates.

MR. YANG
But you got balls. Maybe you can be a manager.

JIMBO
Hell I can!
(pause)
What?

INT. RACOON PUFF - DAY

Sunny shinny plastic fantastic cream puff joint. There are gaggle of ASIAN GIRLS behind the counter working hard. There is a machine that looks like an enema pump that they use to put cream into a puff and there is a pile of already made cream puffs on the display case.

Every time a customer comes in all the girls shout in unison; IRASHAI-MASE(welcome)! We see Jimbo stuffing his face with cream puff while reading Moby-Dick with his feet up on the counter in the back.

FADE OUT
THE END

Reviews

[Adela Muresan]

:))) . I like this story a lot, especially Mr. Kim's character. You really got a thing for comedies; the part when they put him in the manager position after finding that the he isn't even completely white, is great !

A.M.

[Chistie]

LMAO!! Good job that was so funny!! Loved it!!