Admission

This is tearing the fabric. 

No, tearing the being. 

I can't even begin to rationalize it through language's bitter rules. 

I want so badly to light the fuse and breathe fire. 

Brighter than the sun, sending darkness to scatter and die. 

To set an example, a precedent.

A red carpet for the steed of my father to walk upon.

Suffocating in isolation in my head.

Screaming for an exit, and the doors are bolted til the earth meets its end. 

Suffering in complacency, 

abuse and invisible bruises cover my hands and my face.

I'll lose everything to begin a journey

that will either explode on takeoff 

or fall apart on re-entry. 

It's all my fault, and i can't accept it. 

I can't even stop myself, 

not for the creator,

nor the warmth and grace and calming voice

that's only a phone call or text message away.

Do I even feel anymore?

Nothing feels genuine,

sinking in and numbing til I scream.

No sound is made, not even a whimper.

The quicksand pulls me under again and again,

snaring my feet in bloody marriage to the thorns that encase me.

I find temporary release in these vines that ensnare and dissolve me.

I've felt the son in all His brilliance, 

and I still choose to be choked out of his presence.

Is this my last?

Reviews

[trainwreck]

It gets better. I promise. You wrote beautifully here, bringing light out of a dark place. I loved it. Great job.
-HT