Meet Dan

Meet my best friend, Dan...

I used to have this friend named Dan. I met him in my fourth grade. I had just moved to Mastic, New York and was nervous to be starting at a new school. As I walked into my new classroom and was introduced to my new classmates I couldn’t help but feel sad. My whole life it had always been my friend Dean and I. We learned to walk and talk together, we played together, we got in trouble together, and we went through school together. Now he was miles and miles away and I was alone for the first time ever. Who would make funny faces across the room when the teacher got boring? Who would I share lunch with, or play with at recess? Who would stand up for me when I was picked on?

The first few weeks were hard. I wasn’t a very talkative person and the others kids took offense to that easily. They accused me of being stuck up and thinking I was better. Or they called me weird for always being by myself and couldn’t understand why I didn’t just get up and play with them. The thought of putting myself out there gave me knots in my stomach, so instead I stayed in the safety of my corner in the classroom and kept to myself.

One day, while I was reading a book in my little corner instead of going outside for recess, a boy approached me. He was tall and had dark skin like mine, with bright brown eyes. He introduced himself as Dan. I had never seen Dan before, but then again I’d never really paid any attention to most the kids in my class. He asked me why I was always alone, and all I could do was shrug. The thought of a conversation made my body quake, and I fought to control my anxious breathing. Dan didn’t seem to notice. Actually he sat beside me and began to talk about anything and everything. Where was I from? How many siblings did I have? What did I like to do? What was my favorite food? Color? Animal? Soon conversation flowed naturally and I found myself able to have a normal conversation like a normal human being without fear crippling my body.

After that day Dan and I became inseparable. He was the only one I talked to, and I soon noticed that the same went for him. I never asked him about it though. I hated it when people asked me about it. I sometimes found myself comparing him to Dean and taking notice of how similar they were. How they both constantly cracked jokes just to make me smile. How they both became sad when I was having a bad day. How both of their eyes lit up at the idea of an adventure or doing something mischievous.  I couldn’t help but think about how lucky I was to have made such another great friend.

Everyday I went home and raved about Dan. I talked about him to my mom every time I walked in the door, and to Dean every time I called him. Dean always laughed and joked about when they met all three of us could be like the three musketeers. My mom was just happy that I had gotten past my fear of new people and made a friend. Halfway through the year my mom requested that she meet him. So the next day I asked Dan if he’d like to come over my house, and he enthusiastically agreed.

The next day we waited anxiously for school to end. When that bell finally rung we raced out the door and down to my bus. We talked the whole bus ride home, coming up with ideas as to what we could do at my house. I noticed a few girls giving me strange looks, but by now I was used to this.

Finally we arrived at my house and we excitedly raced off the bus with a quick ‘goodbye’ to the driver and headed up the path to my house. As we entered my house I shouted that I was home. My mother came out of the kitchen with a wide smile, but it dimmed slightly in confusion as she set her eyes at me.

“Mommy, this is Dan!” I said happily, staring up at her proudly, but my smile slowly disappeared as her’s did.

She looked at me with her eyebrows scrunched together before she looked around the room and as I watched her I wondered what she was doing. My friend was finally here! She had been so excited to meet him and she was usually so warm and inviting to new people. Why was she acting this way?

Finally she looked back at me, confusion still etched on her face, and asks, “Honey, where’s Dan?”

I looked to my left where Dan stood by my side, looking up at her in equal confusion.

“He’s right here, mom,” I said softly, not understanding.

Her eyes grow wide and immediately I can see them fill with sadness and a little pity. “Olivia, there’s no one there,” she said worriedly.

I argued with her for a while. I screamed and cried with vehemence at her that Dan was there, right next to me, watching us just as frightened and confused as I was. How could she not see the boy clearly standing next to me…?

The doctors said it was my anxiety. They said my brain couldn’t handle the loss of my friend that I depended so much on from such a big move. I was terrified of the change and of people. They used all these big doctor terms that to this day I still don’t understand.

Bottom line was that Dan wasn’t real. He had never been real. I had been talking to someone who wasn’t there. That was why people at school had called me a freak and given me strange looks...because I was. Dan wasn’t some imaginary friend that sometimes kids had. No, he was someone that I had truly thought was real. I thought he was a living, breathing person that went to school with me, and made me laugh, and was my one, true friend there. But he was just a product of my broken brain made to help me cope with such a big change. Made to help me cope with being alone. Made like Dean.

After months of therapy and doctor trips, I finally was able to realize that Dan wasn’t real. That I had a psychological problem; anxiety. It’s real, despite what some people may believe. I deal with it on a day to day basis.

To this day I’m not embarrassed to talk about Dan. He may have been a fragment of my imagination, but he helped me cope with the toughest time of my life. When my best friend couldn’t be there, Dan was. He made me laugh, made me want to have fun and play, made it easier to talk to people, and comforted me when I was bullied. He’s a big part of helping me grow to be the person I am today.