Not Enough

I can’t believe how foolish
How injudicious
How incongruent with normalcy I could have been

Sorry is not nearly enough
Can never be enough
Never was close to reaching that minuscule fraction of the word that makes me content 

Never feeling good enough to recall the reality of this preposterous idealistic authenticity that is so far from reality that it’s just a blur
A mere façade of what I thought was genuine
A disguise that I created and facilitated
But lacked reasoning and explanation as to why it was created

Creating images to fulfill ideas that are so skewed 

So misconstrued in falsehoods and rejection
So idealistic in nature
So imaginary

That they might as well have been completely fictional

Covered with childish thoughts and racing dreams only to reach the bitter realization that none of this exists
Searching for a sample of time and reason
And ending up with dreams and miscomprehension

I still cannot believe how infantile I must have been

Sorry is not enough
Never enough
Not even close to reaching a scrap of understanding as to what that word means What that word brings
Which now I realize is nothing
Nothing significant

So insignificant how these thoughts ping pong back and forth with no real victor 

No indication of success
No real reason to regress
Idealistic in thought

Yet too unrealistic to grasp any particle of sanity in this reason

Too late for apologizes 

That realization is mute 

Sorry is not enough 

Never enough

Can never be enough
When everything is overwhelming 

And at this point
That’s too much