ChaosA Story by nyi "to love is to suffer" Love hurts. It is an agent of despair disguised as an
innocent angle as if fallen from sky and seeking for a very chance to make you
suffer. Life is hard and sad while love is dreamy. When you combine these two,
you become to live in two worlds: the real world and the one you have
personally invented. You would begin to bounce between them and survive on
a trance inside the schizophrenic haze. Her raving beauty had rocked my world. When she talked, I
was hypnotized by her sweet voice. Her wish became my will. I seem to have been
vitalized by her glances to keep going beyond my capability just to please her,
for her to cast a smile, for no one else but me. Dictates of my conscience and
logic had drowned inside my vast sea of love for her. Like she was the only
mast , I peddled as my emotion took sail.
My personal goal and dream had been conquered by her sheer will. Dreams were no longer valid without her inside them. Sleep was a necessity to be with her in my dream. Work was no longer a living but only a pretext to impress her. Foods were no more than the physical ingredients to facilitate my body so that I could perform well when my soul was summoned by her will. And I would struggle with ever shifting time-table just to be near her. Like a puppet my life was stringed and was being played as she saw fit. She followed me everywhere inside my head, home, work, elevators, stores, bars and cars and everywhere. There was no stopping to it. I was constantly overwhelmed by my anxiety that my performances for her would become unsatisfactory. Sadly it wasn’t always enough. Women lies especially beautiful ones. They cheat. Period. My voluntary enslavement wasn’t nearly good enough for her. In the end, I was no more than a stepping stone for her. A tool to be used rapidly to accomplish her goal. A retard to be taken advantage of. It’s true after all, love is blind. Love projects to you a new world where there is no such thing as woman’s deceptive power or that every effort that you invest would be returned as in your favor or at least your love going to be ‘appreciated’. She fell from the sky into the pond creating a ripple effect which had disrupted everything in its path. Unfortunately the pond had a named, it was called my life and the ripple effect was to be named passion and along it brought chaos. When I first heard she was already with someone else, my mind just gone blank, then I could sense the fury resulted from the assault to my manhood trying to burst out like a volcanic eruption like someone had just put a burning charcoal inside my throat. She should have told me earlier that she wasn’t available instead she showed ‘signs’ which I took them to be ominous and submitted myself to her. Now all my pain-staking effort had been mercilessly used and I felt I was deeply betrayed. It wasn’t the fact that she didn’t love me that angered me, it was that my love for her wasn’t ‘appreciated’ like a person and that I had been foolishly misled by her. It was all her game and I was supposed to be a nice pawn to be sacrificed silently. My fury would have been portrayed vividly in pulling her hair and just smashed her head with the wall only if my conscience hadn’t brought me a light that I was still a man. How does a man fight with woman? It must have been pretty ugly and it is unmanly to fight with woman even with words.
People are stupid and they hangs on to pure illusion created by love. Loving
someone is not like riding a rocket to paradise and parachuting back to the
earth with amazing sensation,but rather it is a deadliest adventure when you cannot open the parachute.
Nyi ( 21.10.2011 )
© 2011 nyiAuthor's Note
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